Poems From A Darker Corner: The Collected Work Of A Boy Named Myself

[blackjack]

When I'm not writing fiction, I'm writing poetry.

Since I'm quite a lazy bastard when it comes to writing stories and the like I end up with a lot of poetry that I decided a while ago to organize into an anthology titled "Poems From A Darker Corner"; this is pretty much because a lot of the poems deal with very dark taboo subjects (i.e. suicide, death, etc etc...).

Also note that this anthology is actually part of a larger one which includes novellas and short stories. The "big anthology" is entitled The Collected Work Of A Boy Named Myself. Just so you don't get confused by the double title.

Now, the poems themselves are a bit too numberous to post, but I will give you some highlights to ponder over. I'll be adding more as more is written as well.

Enjoy. As always, comments, questions, critisism, praise, etcetera, are appreciated.

[blackjack]

{As Yet Untitled}

confused
so strange
a shattered mirror reflected in another
angry
ripples in a pond reflected in a dream
hurting
twisted notions of hope
afraid
warped like a flame in the path of the wind
collapsed
swirling like a thousand thoughts through the rain
crumpled
sheared away by the winds of change
pieces of a something that I do not know
seeds of a something that refuses to grow
ripples of a nothing that is no longer there

it was perfect before
why is it gone now?
there was something
now there is nothing
and in its place i lie

i don’t want it to be gone
i just want it to be mine
i want it to be special
i want it to be the way it was
I DON’T WANT TO DIE
GOD NO I DON’T WANT TO-

love has faded away

A note: this poem is practically pure emotion. I was both half asleep and bawling when I wrote it, and everything that had happened to lead me to that point manifested itself in this piece of work.

[blackjack]

Fade

It hurts when you touch me like that
I know you don’t mean it anymore
You haven’t for a while
I can take it no more.

You knock at my door
I pretend I’m not home
Your love has left me
Your body won’t leave me alone.

Please get out
Go home
Go away
Go nowhere at all
Go when you won’t find me
Stop knocking go away.

You won’t stop trying to reach me
Though you stopped long ago
You won’t stop trying to hold me
Even when I tell you no.

Stop touching my hair
Stop holding my hand
Stop looking at me
Stop breathing
Stop everything
Just let it fade away.

[SephirCloud]

The first one is creepy...
The second one is sad...

But they're both well written.

[blackjack]

Away Again

There goes my heart
away.
away.
Out flies my soul
again.
again.
Love falling out
away.
again.

I can feel the bird fly
away.
away.
I can see love escape
again.
again.
The whole world falls
away.
again.

I love and I care
but I can’t say a thing
I’m a pitiful man
a cowardly being

Just let out a word
it’ll all be alright
Say all of your thoughts
before they drift into the night
away.
again.

[blackjack]

Nightmare

a swirling thought
a swirling dream
a swirling head
and a swirling scream

a swirling ear
a swirling scream
awake from your dream
awake from your dream

a whirling life
a whirling earth
a whirling death
and a whirling birth

a whirling eye
a whirling scream
come out of your dream
come out of your dream

a twirling field
a twirling insanity
a twirling madness
and a twirling vanity

a twirling touch
a twirling scream
escape from your dream
escape from your dream

[blackjack]

Grinding To A Halt

Trapped
Confined
In the depths
Of a mind
Not my own
Not alone

Dark ravens
Flutter awake
Fly away
Fly and take
Me away
Far away

One more word
One more verse
One more line
To rehearse
For this twisted play
Fly away

Another life
Falling down
Falling shards
All around
Cut me deep
Stop and weep

Young and small
Young and tender
Then grow up
And rerender
Your morality
Your reality

The dark of dusk
The light of day
When you grow tall
It’s all the same
Black and white both equal gray
It doesn’t matter anyway

How soon it ends
The world of life
The earth of war
The plane of strife
You’re always here
Don’t ever fear

Don’t be afraid
Of the deepest night
For on the other side
Awaits new light
Leave everything behind
For the rest of your kind

[blackjack]

Not Anymore

When the parade comes
Don’t wait for me.
I’ll be around
I’ll wait for you
Just leave.
Go on.
I’ll be here
When you get back.

Please
Just leave me be.
Won’t take a knife
Won’t hurt myself.
Not again
Not anymore.
You’ve got to fly
I’ve got to stay.

My wings are broken
But you must go.
Just let me heal
Leave these wounds to me.
For you can’t fix
The scars inside my head.
It’ll take some time
But they will disappear.

I promise.
Not anymore.

Note: this poem is one of mine which carries both more of a story and more of an obvious point. It is based mostly off of my own experiences, with a touch of poetry, rhythm, and hope.

[blackjack]

A Silver Field

steel flowers
iron blooms
ragged beauty
with rusted gloom

manufactured
machines
built without
human dreams

soulless and solid
sharp with no heart
made not created
with an absence of art

it’s something
no nothing
all-consuming
tension mounting…

[SephirCloud]

Oh, btw, can I have ur permission to post some of the poems in my info for AIM? I'll make sure to give credit to u.

[blackjack]

You're both free and welcome to.

[Greenstone]

Are you going to publish that collected works? :D

[Tygre]

Thats some pretty good schtuff there...i agree, look into being published.

[Alpha_Monkey]

Sounds as though you've been trough some pretty serious sh*t, BJ. Great poetry, though. Beats the stuff I had to study last year...
Do they remind anyone of Muse lyrics..?

[blackjack]

Green and Tygre: I've done a little bit of research as to where I might find someone to publish the work, but as of yet I don't think that the collection is big enough to be taken really seriously. Maybe in a while. :)

Monkey: Thank you... yes I have been through some shit, but you get through it, and what you end up with on the other side (these in my case :D) is pretty insightful. I don't reccomend trying it in any case though ;) However I don't write dark serious poetry because I have something to work from - I do it because I hate lighthearted poetry that doesn't stir up taboo subjects and debate.

[Greenstone]

Wow a double post!! :)

I wish you the best of luck on life and Poetry. Hopefully you shall become famous before you die ;)

[bluevorlon]

Double post destroyed k thx


(nice work BJ, lots of promise there)

[blackjack]

k thnx for destruction of accursed double post.

also... new poem....

Undertow

sucked under

falling into the maelstrom of despair
the hurricane of the hopeless
the storm of those depressed legions

succumb

falling into a world of pills and of drugs
a world of counselors with petty advice
a world of confusion and helplessness

slice through the haze
see it all clear
it’s not over yet
the war’s just begun
fight the crowding feelings
and already you’ve won

fight back

[oneredpanther]

OMG.

Blackjack is officially the most talented person of the evening.

A round of applause.

[Alpha_Monkey]

seriously, get a publisher buddy...;)

[Ben Tusi]

Your style of poetry is effective, and very very deep.

[blackjack]

Thank you all.

Couple more for you today...

Dark Shelf

here I lie
all alone
left behind
on my own

wander forth
wander back
can’t see ahead
in the inky black

diamond stars
shining eyes
stare at me
so full of lies

none too easy
all too hard
cut me deep
leave me scarred

call out to one
search around
a lost soul
to never be found

all over again
against a wall
just a matter of time
I trip and fall

rhyme and rhythm
black and white
all unknown
in the darkest night

still walking
that thin black line
storm winds sweep
a matter of time

[blackjack]

Millions

Shattered
Scattered

Cast into the wind

Fragments drift
Across the rift

Carried by the sands of time

Reflections gone
No longer one

Spread by the stormy change

Never again to be
The singular me

[blackjack]

Not Quite Love

Say what you want
I don’t care what you say
It’s the same old shit
Just on another day

You abusive bitch
You sadistic whore
You’re the sole reason
I can’t feel anymore

You shattered my heart
You ripped out my soul
And all that you left me
Was a gaping torn hole

So whatever you do
Just know how I feel
It never was love
And it was never real

Stay away from me
Keep out of my sight
You know you abused me
You know that I’m right

A note: this poem was actually written after I remembered a series of events that had occurred to me about a year ago. The memory resulted in this.

[blackjack]

Cancerous

if
how
when
why

stop
telling
me
lies

can’t
take
much
more

burst
through
my
door

hate
this
pretentious
place

death
rears
its
face

[Alpha_Monkey]

Sounds like you've had your own personal war or something...
bet u had the 1000 yard stare, too...

[blackjack]

Originally posted by Alpha_Monkey
Sounds like you've had your own personal war or something...


Something like that.

In any case, I have some bad news of sorts, unless you happen to hate this stuff. Chances are high that I'll be unable to post for a while - my computer has decided that it doesn't like my new cable modem and that it will get back at me by refusing to use regular 56k... so I'm stuck using the public library for internet access. Add that to the fact that these dumb machines won't allow me to read the Word file I write my poems on, and that the computer in question has decided to boot Windows only in safe mode to finish me off... well, you get the idea. But, when I do get my online access ability back, expect a huge load of new poetry :)

Cheers and enjoy.

[blackjack]

Wrote 5 poems in the space of an hour, and had to rush to my RL friend's house to post 'em... :)

Enjoy, they may be the last for a while.

Countdown To Eternity

Twelve
Eleven
Ten
Time fading again
Slipping away
Now gone is the day

Nine
Eight
Seven
Counting down to heaven
More days fly
Now a month gone by

Six
Five
Four
Can’t wait much more
Yet another month gone
Now another year done

Three
Two
One
Too close to none
Years leaving us alone
And now flies an aeon

Do we stop to look around?
We watch it go
But do we get up and live?
The answer is no
Life is passing you by…
Now here swings Zero…

[blackjack]

When We Used To Be We

When we used to be…

I loved the smell of your hair
The feel of your skin
The taste of your lips
The sound of your voice
The warmth of your care.

When we used to be…

I loved your arms
And your legs
Your head
Your whole body
And the way it got mixed up with mine.

When we used to be…

The sight of you made my day
A kiss from you created joy
A caress from you was wonderful
A look meant everything
I had to hold on to you.

But now that we’re not…

I can’t stand the sound
Or the smell
Or the touch
Or a look
And the warmth is just gone.

Now that we’re not…

I want to stay away
But I am a moth
And you’re a burning flame
I’m drawn to you
Despite the pain you cause.

Now that we’re not…

I hate the way I can’t forget you
I hate the way I still want you
I hate the way I still remember
I hate that time spent with you
I hate that I am still your captive.

A note: I wrote this poem just minutes after seeing the former love of my life. Former being the key word.

[blackjack]

Another (One More)

One More Minute
One More Step
One More Moment
To Forget

One More Scene
One More Line
One More Verse
Out Of Time

One More Life
One More Earth
One More Death
No More Birth

One More Love
One More Hate
One More Chance
To Be Great

[blackjack]

LIES & truths

YOU LOVED ME.
i loved you.

YOU CARED FOR ME.
my care was true.

WE’RE STILL FRIENDS.
you broke me in two.

YOU STILL LOVE ME.
i once loved you.

YOU WANT TO SEE ME.
i don’t want to see you.

I DON’T MEAN IT.
you know it’s true.

[blackjack]

Questions Neverending

wonder why,
wonder why
why do I
refuse to die?

wonder how,
wonder how
how I go on
even now?

wonder if,
wonder if
if I’ll ever
bridge the rift?

wonder when,
wonder when
I’ll be able
to love again?

wonder who,
wonder who
who I’ll pledge
a new heart to?

wonder where,
wonder where
where I can
again feel care?

the answer is yes,
and it’s also no
all I can do
is watch the future grow.

[blackjack]

I = back.

More poetry forthcoming, as soon as I find the disk I write it on.

[Mr-e-Man]

Another discovers the stupidity of stupid public computers!

I know how ya' feel, blackjack, since I was stuck with public computers for a good year.

[blackjack]

The World As It Once Was

shattered
scattered
beaten and battered

churning
burning
the world keeps turning

crying
lying
too slowly dying

[blackjack]

Back

there is a place
known only as Memory
where things are brighter
and darker
and everything they are
and everything they are not.

I go there
when I sleep
and I visit places long gone
events long since over
always the same
and yet never identical.

I remember the cold nights
and the warm
the painful nights
and the ones where it wasn’t
I visit the old fears
the old problems.

and then I stop
and I look at myself
and I play with my thoughts
until they turn inward
and then I can see only the better
instead of the usual.

for more often than not
you will find a linking thread
and understand the truth
we are just passing through
and it’s not where we end
but the journey we make.