Chronicles of Relic, the Great Forum war: IC thread

[Ironwatsas]

Relic lobby, 08:21 Hours, T -2 days

The great hall of the Relicfourms glinted in the amber light from Delphy's great halogen bulb of doom as Ironwatsas logged into the fourm. Watsas looked about at the banners hanging from the celing, each representing one of Relic's ingame races. At the far back of the fourm was the mighty tapestry of Relic itself, emblazoned with the signatures of moderators past and present. The Watsas took little notice as he made his way to the GD fourm. Upon entering, he was greeted by Homeboy.

"VALHALLA!" Homy screamed, wielding a sledgehammer made from the bones of Karos zombies and a helmet bearing the logo of HWAccess.net. Several other members were screaming Viking warcrys of their own.

Watsas wandered over to PULSTAR, who was standing and possibly trying to comprehend this new embodiment of the mind of a Homeworld fanboy of a diffrent calibre.

"Hmmm... WTF is this?" Watsas asked PULSTAR as he wandered over.

"Hell if I know, but It's kinda funny to watch." PULSTAR replied.

The two were interrupted by a loud explosion and a n00bi5h looking member running from a nearby thread, quickly followed by Moe and SquidDNA. Moe quickly wheeled around and fired his lockgun into the smoldering thread while Squid pounced on the fleeing spammer.

"Monday already?" PULSTAR sarcastically asked as he watched Homeboy join the fray, smiting the spammer with the lightning of Thor.

Watsas had lost interest at that point and made his way to the Studio. He took slight interest in Deepchrome's new batch of Homeworld Legacies art and posted a generic compliment, not knowing what else to say, and then headed off to the Homeworld series fourm.
He arrived to find Yasotay and Le Sun Tzu discussing LUA scripting and wandered over.

"Hey guys, WTF are you doing?" Watsas asked.

Sun Tzu looked up from his scripting and replied "We're trying to put guns of the meg_planetkiller, but it's not working. It's LUA stuff, you wouldn't understand."

"But did you know that when you mix Whiskey and Chocolate, it turns into powder?" Watsas replied, his short attention span clouding his minimal judgement.

"Arrgh, wasted Bourbon. It offends my Drunkard senses." Yasotay responded.

"Not wasted, preserved for the future! Let's put it in the time capsule with the penguins!" Watsas continued.

"Hey guys, stop spamming and help me with thi... what is that?" Sun Tzu was inturrupted by the presence of this new amalgamation.

The creature before them looked almost human, bald, and wearing a white labcoat and khaki pants. It's arms were outstreatched at a 45 degree angle, and it's legs were motionless as it floated several inches above the ground and there was a strange mechanical object jutting from it's lower abdomen.

"What?" Watsas asked the new creature.

In a simple, soulless voice the creature replied. "LoL"

"This is not a 'LoL' matter, so unless you've got something relavent to say, keep drinking." Watsas replied.

"Hey, isn't that the scientist guy from Half Life 2, and why does he have a gravity gun is his crotch?" Yasotay asked.

"Stfu N00b" The creature replied.

Suddenly, the creature summoned what appeared to be a barrel of gas. With an unseen aura of energy, the barrel levitated, ignited, and flew at the homeworlders, exploding at their feet.

"Aww what the hell?" Yasotay asked in confusion as more flaming barrels began flying at the modders exploding around them. The three took cover behind a nearby userbar as they were pelted with exploding barrels.

"Quick, script something!" Watsas yelled as a barrel exploded against the userbar.

Le Sun Tzu quickly wrote down a new line of code and a few copy-pastes later, fired the LUA beam at the monster. The creature stopped launching barrels and could only stand there and spam in desperation. "WTF, H4X!"

"Quickly, he's lagging. Take him out!" Sun Tzu yelled as he contnued to lag the demon before them with lines and lines of bogus LUA code.

With that, Watsas lept from cover and the creature attacking them was helpless as it was destroyed by bolts of Lightning-Vision.

"Okay, WTF was that?" Yasotay asked.

"Hell I don't know, but I'd better tell Squid, he'll know what to do. You better check the Libray for information on this." Watsas replied as he went forth.

For several minuites, Watsas searched for a moderator before becoming distracted by a new Relic Recipies thread and completely forgetting about what he was doing.

Little did Watsas or anyone else know that this would only be the first incedent of this type to beset the fourm. This unofficial decliration of war would go unseen, for now...

[crawford'n'co]

GawD watched the happenings of the G.D. form the safety of his lofty, and very dark perch. Another spammer banned, thread locked, all the usual. Several boardwarriors stood around, their unbelievable skills allowing them to enter the domain of the writer and fictionist. Few knew that the entrence to the Boardwars was several thousand feet above the main area of the Forums, and even less knew that there was an elevator on the opposite side.

With a thought, GawD warped into Elite-Zealot, the change taking about 30 seconds, and using his insane coding which allowed him to drop forever and not take any damage, jumped off the ledge. On the way down he wrote down a piece of poetry and flung it back up to the boardwars. The poetry contained infinite information about Mount Olympus, and immediately, the Boardwars took the form of the home of the Gods.

Spotting several new members log in, he walked over to them.

"Welcome friends! Here, you will be welcome and be free from the spammers and noobs of the dark corners of the internet. Here, scientists, coders, and writers gather to discuss the matters of the world. Be merry and welcome, and might I add, stay away from Homeboy at the moment. Something involving Valhalla. Crazy Vikings."

Warping back into his heavenly counter-part GawD took flight upon his massive wings. He decided to drop over to the Homeworld section.

Jumping into a bunch of homeworld fans, he saw they were discussing the Caption This! thread. All around them were pictures of insane Homeworld happenings. There was a bang and some yelling. GawD turned around to see Ironwatsas and two other forumers standing near a dead body of Gordan Freeman. Running over he quickly asked, "What the hell happened? And what the hell is Freeman doing here!?"

[Ironwatsas]

After policing several bags of assorted treats and a motorised wood chipper, Watsas returned to the site of the recent battle.

"Alright guys, let's haul this thing to the acid vats... Aww crap, we've been noticed." Watsas said as he noticed GawD standing over the charred corpse.

"What the hell happened? And what the hell is Freeman doing here!?"

"Hell, I don't know, but something's seriously fuxxed up! This thing walked like a noob, talked like a noob, but fought like crap I've never seen before." Watsas replied.

"It's not Freeman, it's the other one, what is it, Kliner, Kliener, however the hell you spell it." Yasotay stated.

"That's not the point, the point is that we get rid of the body before we get our asses pwned for littering. Gawd, Little help?" Watsas asked.

[crawford'n'co]

GawD laughed. "Well, I might help, but I'll get dirty. But thats the point of killing, isnt it? To have fun and get dirty!" With the strength that comes benefit of being Immortal, GawD picked up the body and slung it over his shoulder.

"OK, so where you want it?"

[Ironwatsas]

"OK, so where you want it?" GawD said as he picked up the corpse.

"Well Pike's probably hungry, take it to #Homeworld and dump it there, then meet me in the library, we need to figure out WTF this thing is." Watsas replied.

By that point, Yasotay and Le Sun Tzu had left and Watsas was alone. "I'm too old for this sh*t... or too young... whichever get's me a bigger settlement." Watsas said to himself as he spread a thin layer of liquid chlorine over the blood of the fallen n00b.

Then he quickly headed off to the library.

[VladimirNikolai]

Vladimir yawned, awaking after a long nap in his small apartment adjacent to the Boardwars forum. Considering he had never been anywhere else in the entire complex, he had diligently made his own little room, so he didn't have to leave to sleep, eat, 'evacuate' etc. Slipping the small pistol out from under his pillow, he brushed it with his hand, and a small cloud of red rest fell off onto his sheets. He slid it into his belt, and fumbled with his Improbability Drive. Today, it was one square meter large. That could stay at home today. Throwing on some clothes, opening the cupboard and grabbing a can of Baked Beans, Vladimir headed outside.

The rickety hatched crunched closed after him as he crawled out, into the main forum of the Boardwars. He could just make out a glimpse of light, deep in the darkess below. Echoing voices were coming up through the darkness, patches of conversation sifting through.

"...TF that is a crap pictu..."
"..eworld FTW!!"
"...44444444444XX000000RRRRR..."

Vladimir ignored all this, he wasn't at all interested in any of it. Continuing along the corridor, the glowing neon signs of the different threads glowing eerily through the dim light. Curiously, he went up to one marked "Cry Wolf" and peered inside. Through the blast door, he could see a bunch of people shooting at what looked like big wolf-people. He had made a character in there, called Josephine, but he would join back in later. He was in no mood for Boarwarring at the moment.

One of his friends, Rabid.Gerbil was up ahead, and Vladimir waved, but didn't say anything. Today was a big day. He checked his pistol was loaded and ready to go, his baked bean cans were on hand, and he walked up to the large elevator, another neon sign reading "The Studio". Rabid looked on, shocked to see his friend pressing the button to leave the Boarwars. As Vladimir pressed it, and the doors opened. However, there was only a message displayed:

"Problem Loading Page"

"Goddammit..." he whispered under his breath, before hitting the button again, upon the doors closing, and reopening to reveal an elevator. Stepping in, he pressed the one and only button, "The Studio". The doors hissed shut on Rabids questioning face.

[BmB]

BmB23 was battling a fierce 4 meter tall dog to prove his point. It charged towards him with amazing speed and power. BmB produced his black box of various dooms, but the dog was too fast for him and bit for his leg before he could take out any of the awesome weapons in it. BmB dodged the deadly snap of the jaw... barely. His shoe was torn off as a tooth penetrated the sole, barely missing the flesh and ripped it to pieces in the powerfull bite. The force also caused him to drop the box wich carelessly rolled into a corner.
BmB recovered quickly enough to see the dog violently stampeding towards him with saliva flying everywhere. This time he didn't dodge, he jumped into the air as the dog bit for him again, grapped hold of the snout and launched himself onto the back. But the dog rampaged in circles trying to bite it's own back, BmB lost hold and fell to the ground. The dog still had to turn around to get to him, precious time... he ran for it, launched himself into the dark corner containing the black box, grapped it and made a daring slide under the dogs belly as it went for him again, again the dog barely missed as it crashed it's snout hard into the ground in an attempt to kill. His other shoe was torn off along with a piece of his pants. BmB quickly threw his hand into the box and produced a plasma rifle. He took aim and fired three shots at it's left eye, the dog cowered in pain, but quickly launched itself forward with renewed rage, only to be hit by three more shots all landing perfectly in it's nose. It dropped with pain, and then tried to get up again, but BmB was too quick for it, he had gotten up and overheated his gun with shots to the chest and throat.
The dog was dead.

"See, not dangerous at all. Nobody should fear even small dogs like this."

"Small... dogs?... you mean they come bigger than this?" asked Shinsei.

"Yeah, didn't you know? Denmark is crawling with three-storey mad dogs infected with rabies. And that's not counting the dangerous ones. Those that look like godzilla."

"What the hell are you doing to them overthere?" Asked snrjefe with a scared expression in his face.

"I think you'd rather not wan't to know." Replied BmB23. "Anyways, I think I've proved my point here, so I'll be off." He continued, and wandered off to the next discussion.

On his way he noticed Homeboy and a bunch of others standing around in the GD and shouting some rubbish about norse mythology. A few spammers were hiding around in the shadows, waiting for their next oppertunity to gain posts.
He proceeded to lounge around loking for something to do. But it apeared there was no intersting and/or pointless postings to make, so he decided to try out the Homeworld forum again. He rarely came there, he wasn't really a "Homeworlder" per say. But once in a while something interesting would crop up there.
On his way he passed SquidDNA and Moe discussing a recent surge of spammer activity while heading for a white solid wall he presumed was the entrance to the magic wonderland of the moderator forum.
As he closed in on the Homeworld section BmB passed GawD who was carrying a wierd corpse. A fuxx0r3d mix between Dr. Kleiner and an inapropriatly placed gravity gun, presumably made in Garry's Mod.

"What the fuck is that?" He asked

[Raver]

Rabid.Gerbil stared at the elevator doors for a whole half hour. He had nothing better to do so he figured he'd save the energy. He put on his headphones and resorted to dancing for a further half hour before he caught sight of a few forum members. He wandered over to them but didn't bother talking to them, just peered over their shoulders at what they were looking at, a sheet of paper with a picture of something Rabid.Gerbil preferred not to see. He instead took a step back and placed his scorpion on the ground behind them and walked off, brushing a few flecks of blood from his jacket.

He picked up his mobile phone and dials Vlads number and set there, with his ear to the receiver for almost 69 minutes before remembering Vlad didn't have a mobile phone. He got up and went back to staring at the elevator again.

[VladimirNikolai]

*DING*

The elevator doors hissed open again, after the seven hour elevator ride to The Studio. Vladimir knew it was because his internet connection was being dodgey at the moment, but it was still a very long wait. People who he saw in the Boardwars were walking around here, their elevator obviously getting them here much faster. As he was about to step out of the elevator, a cry came from nearby.

"GRENADE!!"

Vlad stepped out of the elevator as a little round metal object flew in. The doors closed, and there was a muffled squeaking noise, followed by a low moan. Vlad pressed the button on the lift, and it opened, to reveal the charred remains of what can only be described as an ex-aardvark. Vlad shrugged, and stepped into the bustling movement of the studio.

Being a form of novice in the Relic Forums, Vlad didn't know too many people. Vlad did notice, however, GawD, who was strolling along happily carrying a charred corpse. He was heading off in the direction of the Homeworld forums. How Vladimir knew that, he had no idea. It had only come to him that morning that he should visit some of the rest of the forums, and somehow he knew where they all were. Something strange was going on, but Vlad knew not what it was.

A large homeworld-style ship suddenly flew out of one of the adjoining rooms, energy weapons firing ceasely back through the doorway, what could be recognised as bansticks being blasted away as they were thrown at the ship. It was now gaining speed, and Vladimir began running after it. Moderators poured out of the room behind him, the lethal sticks hurtling past Vlad, at the escaping ship. He jumped into the air, initiating his rocket feet. He burst forward, gaining on the ship, coming level with the cockpit, pulling out his pistol. Levelling it at the pilot, he was about to squeeze the trigger when the ship completely dissappeared. A single banstick clicked loudly to the floor where it once stood, a moderator bending down and picking it up. He looked up.

"Who the fuck are you, and why the fuck do you have rocket feet?"

[Captain Elson]

Elson walked over to "the future of Homeworld thread" and imediately began disagreeing with everyone who said Sins of a solar empire was a successor. After being bored, he used his keyboards i function and used it to create a jet pack that didn't run out of fuel and headed over to a ship escaping the mods. just as the ship was about to escape a guy with rocket feet slowed the ship down enough so a ban stick could hit it. He then heard a mod say "Who the fuck are you, and why the fuck do you have rocket feet?"

Elson then feeling rather argumentative said: "It's Nikolai dude, and don't mess he's got the big red button."

[crawford'n'co]

GawD chuckled as several forumers and mods gave him wierd looks. He dropped the body off at Forum Issues, with a note to be taken to the labs, and then send to Pike, and ASAP.

"Well, since thats done, lets go see whats happening in G.D."

GawD took flight, and arrived in the G.D. in several minutes. Homeboy was still there raving about Norse mythology. As he walked past, a thunder hammer shot past his head. GawD looked up to see a Warcraft freak on a gryphon flying around. GawD quickly accessed the troll's acount and hit the 'Report User' button. In an instant several moderators came running, bansticks at the ready. GawD looked at them.

"Yeah, so, I'd prefer not to get squished by a giant hammer, so, if you would, please take care of the problem."

A hammer smashed down beside the group of 3.

"See what I mean!?"

The mods nodded, and started their assault on the troll. In a few seconds, it had been banned.

"This kinda stuff is happening all over the forums." There was a bang and an explosion as a spammer tried to flame the mod banning him. "Were getting incredible amounts of spammers. If you find anything else, please report it as soon as possible."

[Mullertime]

Takign a slight detour form his normal route, Mullertime walked into the 'Chronicals of Relic' room.
He had never seen this place before, and it wasn't his usual areas of interest. Most of the time, he hung about the DoW General Discussions, studio and General discussions pages. He normally took the occasional visit into the 'Ultimate showdown' and 'Cry wolf' thread, but accidentally stumbled into this new one.
He looked around.
"What on earth is going on?" he exclaimed

"We're getting an unusual amount of flamers and trolls attackign the forums today. We're trying to contain them here..." GawD explained.

So, the flame-God was back.
It had been a while since the most aggressive Forum Chaos God. 'Inferno'; God of flaming, had made an appearance. he had previously started a huge flaming rebellion in the DoW sanctum. Several soldiers rising up and flaming the place. The Forum's heresy had been a mess... Luckily, Moe and his thread of light helped remove Inferno...for now.
Inferno had still been at work, making some members flame. But it was all petty. But now, it seems that he was coming back...

This time, Mullertime was ready. He adjusted his trilby hat, and checked his ammunition supplies. He was ready to fight any flamers this time. Last time he hid and fired a few shots, but now, he was ready.

He also heard rumours that the other chaos Gods would be at work too...
-Nano, the Forum God of duplicate threads, who hides or disbales the search button
-Aurora, the Forum God of stupidity and n00bishness, who often works with Inferno
-Azure, the Forum God of off-topic, slowly decaying threads by dragging them so far off topic, that they become useless.

Mullertime sighed.
"This is going to be one hell of a party..."

[Lestaki]

"So, it's showtime," Lestaki whispered. "What do you think, Muse?"

I'm thinking that this had better go better than the other two times.

"I hope so too," he said, sighing.

Also, it's a shame that I cannot manifest into a vehicle.

"Could this vehicle be, perhaps, humanoid?"

Humanoid, white, and armed with two vibroblades, a modulating gun and combat grappels, yes.

"That is a pity, yes," Lestaki mused. "Even so, we'll do the next best thing. Gun Magic! Modulating Rifle! Entangle! Sword Magic! Vibrozanbato! Entangle!" Green light flashed out, tracing the shape of a long, technological purple energy rifle in one hand and a large red sword in the other.

Watching too much Shounen, Lestaki?

"Yeah, yeah."

Can you even wield a vibrozanbato in one hand?

"Can vibroblades exist?"

"Touché."

"Well, it looks like I'll have to go out."

Mayhap you're going to give it your all? And not hold back?

"Something like that. What do you suggest?"

Because you're protecting the forum. So you can't lose.

"Right, right. Anyway, let's go!" He posed dramatically on top of a building, then leapt off, Muse a speck of blue light following him hard.

[Ironwatsas]

Watsas stood there, surrounded by mile high stacks of ancient threads, archived for access in just this kind of situation. He found one that looked promising, yanked it out of place, causing a massive stack to begin swaying back and forth. Watsas handed the thread to the Librarian, who with all the speed and grace a 56k connection could provide, made an attempt to scan the threads.

"I'm... going... to... have... to... see... your... Library... card... sir." The Librarian slowly asked.

Watsas threw his card on the table, and the Librarian began scanning it, to the extent that his Lag allowed. Then watsas noticed a small post nearby, with a picture of a n00b similar to the one encountered earlier.
Watsas picked up the post and read the contents, and quickly verified what he was dealing with.

"MingeBags... This is far more serious then we could have imagined."

Watsas then walked swiftly out of the library. The Librarian was about to say something when the unstable stack of threads collapsed, causing a domino effect and burying the Library.

He went to the GD fourm to find GawD standing around the remains of a troll.

"GawD, no time to explain, go to the boardwars prop warehouse, get anything related to Garrysmod or Counterstrike, thene meet me in the lobby. QUICKLY MAN!"

Watsas went to Homeboy next. "Homy, I never thought we'd have to do this, but... we're going to have to summon the Pengiuns."

HomeBoy knew exactly what this meant.

"I'm on it, I'll be back soon enough." Homy then dashed off into the dark recesses of the internet.

Watsas continued over to VladimirNikolai and Rabid.Gerbil.

"Guys, no time to explain. Go to the Boardwars section and round up a posse. Arm them as best you can and bring them back here, these are no ordinary n00b5 we're dealing with."

Watsas handed them a post detailing instructions and then continued to the Workshop. There, he found Retroboy smashing a piece of an old motherboard with a pipe.

"Retroboy, I'm going to need that Rainbow Maker I gave you back. It's an EMERGENCY!"

"But it's part of my new cloning macine. And it actually works this time."

Retroboy gestured over to what appeared to be a computer tower, microwave oven, and the Rainbow Maker itself tied together with Duck tape and Primacord.
Retro pressed several buttons and another rainbow machine appeared inside the microwave.
"Cool huh?"

"Yeah, but I really need the Rainbowmaker." Watsas replied.

"But It's part of my cloner."

"Then give me the cloned one." Watsas asked

"Oh okay." Retro handed Watsas the Rainow Maker and Watsas took it to a nearby workstand and began modifying it, having no idea what he was doing.
Once he was done, he hi-taled it back to the lobby.

[crawford'n'co]

GawD shrugged and took flight, buffeting nearby members with massive blasts of wind. Upon arriving at the several acre warehouse, he scanned in Garrysmod and Counterstrike. The computer showed 4 boxes of stuff, two of which contained weapons, ammo, and armour. The other two contained coding, cheats, and everything else. Droppign the boxes into the PM Machine, he typed in the Lobby. A massive letter folded closed over the boxes, and in an instant, it disappeared and arrived next to Watsas.

In a few minutes, GawD arrived and began to warp into Elite-Zealot. In a bit, he arose, his new form completely rested and ready.

"Ok, so now that you have a massive fricking array of weapons, including a Suppresion Cannon which I wouldnt mind having after all this is over, mind explaining everything?"

[Ironwatsas]

"...mind explaining everything?" Elite Zealot asked as he arrived.

Watsas laser-visioned the boxes open and secured the contents.

"Okay, what we're dealing with are MingeBags, G-mod N00b5. They're tougher then normal n00bs and have all the powers of G-mod, in a twisted and perverted sense. Now, MingeBags are native to Counterstrike, so If we set up the CS-S props and ragdolls and make it look real, we can lure them in. I've modified the Rainbow maker from my ion powered hovership for use as an offensive weapon. I haven't tested it yet, but it should work.
We just set up the decoys, lure these things in, and pwn them with all the colors of the Rainbow."

Watsas began setting up the Rainbow Cannon behind a portable, one way inviso-shed and then began setting up the CS-S props.

[WalkerK19]

... meanwhile...

Unaware of the commotion on Homeworld section, WalkerK19 was taking a stroll in Karos Graveyard. Looking at the tombstones, he chuckled.

Don't these guys ever learn to read the forum guidelines?

Delving deeper into the crypts, checking each and every reason for their bannages just for laugh. One perculiar tombstones caught his attention. "Hmmm? I never see this one before..."
This tombstone has eerie glow. With unreadable writing on it. "Why the hell this has 1337 language written all over it?" Curious, WalkerK19 clicked on a link. Nothing happened. "Huh? Must be server error or wrong link?" He then tried once more.

Still nothing.

Scratching his cap, WalkerK19 then shrugged and continue walking. Suddenly he hear a faint cackle from a distance ,"LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!oneoneoneoneone"

"Hello? Whose there and why I hear a n00b laughter?!?" He looked around and found nobody. As he turned around, a figure standing in front of him. "LOL!" It was too close infact.

"Bloody Hell?!?!" WalkerK19 jumped in surprise and fall on his butt. Then the thing proceed doing bunny jump all over the tombstones until he get sucked in by the glowing tombstone.
WalkerK19 still shocked for while. He then shook his head, and run to get out from Karos Graveyard with cold sweat.

Shit! I think that bloody thing tried to molest me!

[Red Fox]

Bentus woke up as he heard the doorbell to his home ring. He got up brushing the sleep from his eyes and put a shirt on. Another long night of WoW and making stuff on Sketch had left him as lazy as ever in the morning. He took his sweet time as he walked down the stairs and got to the door, grabbing the tablet right next to it for the all so usual pop up advertiser. Opening the door not to a salesman but a noobish looking person, one that looked very familiar to him.

Drawing up an Ak-47 he pulled it out of the tablet and pointed it at the noobs face, "You have till the count of three of the first speaking of l33t before I blow your face apart."

"WTFH4X!!1one" the noob replied before taking a full magazine of bullets to the face. Bentus stepped out brushing his brown hair out of his eyes as he checked the noob over. Definitely one of his, A very bad thing. He walked towards the lobby seeing Elite Zealot and Ironwastas setting up what appeared to be a counter strike level.

"Yo guys. Hows it going? Could any of you explain what the fuck a noob from one the Relic Boardwars of the past is doing out here damn it! Who broke into the vault to unleash that havoc." ,yelled Bentus, as he drew up another round of ammo for his AK and looked around to make sure nothing else had followed him. He slammed the magazine into the gun and checked it over to make sure the Sketch tablet had done the job right.

[crawford'n'co]

"Hell if I know, ask him." Zealot said, pointing to Watsas.
Zealot picked up parts of the suppresion cannon, and PMed them to his house in the Boardwars. There he'd have time to assemble them and get a target on the counterstrike level. PMing the second suppresion cannon left his account full. He'd have to do something about that later. In the meantime he had to finish putting up pieces of wall from Dust2.

[Ironwatsas]

"Wasn't me, as far as anyone knows." Watsas replied.

He quickly realised a flaw in his CS level.

"Hey guys, If we're going to do Dust2, we're going to need sand. I'll go down to the USGS website and steal some of theirs, be back in an hour." Watsas then walked off to the Relic garage.

When he entered the dark room filled with vehicles from Relic's games and those rendered in the past, he was Immedietly ambushed by a spammer.

"HIWATSASHOWUDOOINIMGRATETHANKYOODOUHAVANIMONEESOICANGETBUSFATETOTEHRELICKFOORMZSOIKANSPAMIT?" The Spammer blurted out the nearly incomprehensible babble at the Watsas, obviously proving himself stupid as well as n00bish.

"Foul being, I will give you this one chance to repent your sins and enjoy a more honarable position in the Karos Graveyard." Watsas stated in the 'intimidatey voice'. Obviously the Spammer either failed to or was unable to understand.

"WTFH4X!!1one" It said as it flailed it's arms about.

"BURN, Heretic!" The Spammer didn't even have time to scream before it's face was melted by balls of laser.
Watsas then preceded to hotwire a Baneblade and was off into the wilderness of the internet.

He immedietly noticed that the same n00b5, spammers, ]-[4X0rs, 1337 m02k3yz, and general Internet trash were rampaging around almost every site he could see. A few had ad hoc security forces trying desperately to keep the rabble at bay. Watsas then drove to PDS.Hwaccess.net, the homepage for the PDS mod for HW2, and logged in.

"Hey guys, WTF is going on." Watsas asked.

"STFU NEWB! XD" A troll, which had been spamming the shoutbox charged, only to be blown to smithereenes by the Baneblades cannon, WTFH4Xed by some of DoW's best coders.

MrWho, who was guarding the PDS site's GD fourm, broke cover after seeing Watsas vaporise the Troll aand began yelling.

"Okay, seriously, WTF is going on here. Why are these n00b5 attacking? Where did you get this tank, and why is it parked in the middle of the fourm?" He asked, before firing his OICW at an attacking 1337 n1nj4.

"Hell, I don't know. Hey, do you have any sand lying around." Watsas replied.

"Sand?"

"You know, sand? Little tiny bits of rock? In the desert? And on beaches?"

Before MrWho could answer, Homeboy arrived riding atop a polar bear, driving a horde of thousands of Penguins armed with p90s and Super 90s against the n00b army.

"VALHALLA, those of you who fall will earn a place in Valhalla amongst the Valkyires. CHAAARGE!" Homy yelled as he fired another nuclear bass from a sling into the face of an oncoming flamer.

"Sand?" Watsas asked.

"Sure, it's over there in the sand thread. Just get rid of it." Homy replied.

Watsas walked over to the pile of sand and used his watsas vision to create a wormhole which sucked the sand in, depositing it in Relicfourms.

"Wha...?" Watsas was sucked in to the vortex and quickly teleported back to the fourm.

"Guys, I got the sand, now we can make that zen garden we've always wanted."

[Red Fox]

Bentus climbed out from the sand pile that had just covered him checking to see if he had lost anything before dumping the sand that got caught in his pockets. He wasn't worried about the AK as he could come up with much better things to shoot noobs with. He looked over at Watsas and didn't even bother coming up with something to say to the Zen Garden. He honestly needed one right now.

"Alright I'm going to go check the Boardwar vault for any sign of breaching. Whatever you two are doing make sure the mods know about it all that jazz and stuff."

Pulling his tablet back out he quickly drew up a jet pack and pulled it out. Putting it on he looked back again and then with a leap flew into the air towards his home. Upon reaching the Forum he dropped the now useless jet pack off outside his house and went in. He would have been just fine if their had been a breach and half the forum got invaded or something but whenever you messed with the house of Bentus your getting the pointy end of the Darwin stick. His house was not ransacked but perfectly clean. To add to the disorder there was "Mechs Suckzors!!1one" written across his walls.

Bentus stood their for a moment then closed the door and reopened it. Still there. Letting out a long drawn out sigh and said a silent prayer before unleashing more F-bomb combinations than known to whinner kind. Upon the end of his rage and 150 AK rounds spent into the air he entered his house and began the "Cleaning process". An hour or so later his house was back to its original mess and we went into the basement, blood of the perpetrators on the walls.

"Well they didn't mess with the real security system that much. Time to suit up and kick ass." Bentus said to himself as he went over to the other door in the basement. Inside there was an armory comprised of mostly guns and swords. He went around picking up a few things making sure they still worked and picking up a Colt .45 with a clip of ammo. He eventually reached an empty wall with a keypad next to it. Entering a code and stepping back, the wall slid in two and began releasing fog as a platform came out carrying a few more advanced pieces of technology and a Gundam esque suit of armor.

Bentus reached out and grabbed the helmet from the platform, put it on and began the start up sequence. Everything there had been untouched since the suits last use. He began to put on the rest of his suit when he heard an explosion from just around the corner. Half prepare he grabbed the Twin buster rifle and went around the corner. A large hole had been blown in his basement wall and as the dust began to clear a large black skinned creature walked out. He was carrying what appeared to be an Autocannon and had vicious spikes on his arms and out his back. Anyone but Bentus would have said an alien but he knew it was one of his own creations.

The beast met eyes with its creator and brought the Autocannon to a firing position. Bentus leaped back into the cover as rounds filled into the rooms door tearing the other side of the wall apart. The hail of bullets stopped and Bentus jumped into the room and unleashed a flurry of machine cannon rounds. The bullets met their mark and filled the creature with hot lead as it fell to the floor.

"Shit! That means there is a vault breach. I was fine with the noobs but Hatasi are just plain dangerous to be on their side." Bentus once again said aloud to himself. He ran back into the room and put on the rest of the armor. He reloaded the machine cannons, placed the two beam sabers in their shoulder sheaths, grabbed the buster shield and stowed the rifle inside of it for fast access. The Gundam Armor checked the rest of its systems before interlocking and sealing shut for combat use. Bentus walked back out into his basement and walked through the hall dropping a small beacon behind him. As he continued the hole was fixed by nanites and reinforced so it wouldn't happen again. He powered up the wing boosters on his back and shot down the tunnel and hopefully the breach.

[BmB]

n00b5 and Spammers were everywhere, in just an hour or so the forum had filled up with them, the admins and super mods were nowhere to be seen, probably attending an emergency meeting. The rest of the mods were out there trying to clear their sectors best as they could. The sound of lockguns fireing could be heard everywhere. But the spam threads reappeared as fast as the mods could lock them. This had never happened before, not in BmB23's time on the forum. Nobody seemed to know why this was happening, nor did they have much time to speculate that in the constant rain of spam. Newcomers was struck worst, where it had almost turned into an actual battle, an admin could even be seen there. Swinging his banstick like mad, banning left and right.

BmB was carrying a battle rifle, just to be safe, while he made his way towards what appeared to be a CS level in the middle of the lobby.
"Um... what are you doing?" He asked Elite-Zealot, who was setting up the final parts and touches of it. "Doesn't it need... you know... sand, and dust?"
"And what the hell was that thing I saw your counterpart carry an hour ago?"

[Raver]

Rabid.Gerbil danced his way along the corridor, VladimirNikolai staring at him in contempt the entire way. Finally noticing this Rabid took off his headphones. "What's wrong baby bear?" He asked mockingly. Vlad shook his head and motioned for them to keep walking.

Finally they reached the top of the butte which housed the great temple of the Boardwars section. They stood there admiring it for a moment before heading inside, its massive, gold double-doors engraved with hundreds of names of past and present Boardwarriors. As they past through them they were bathed in a soft white glow, and as it faded they were confronted with a stunning sight.

The massive room was made completely out of white marble, the roof was obscured by a strong glowing mist which hung over their heads. In the distance were flashes and what sounded like gunshots and explosions. Moving forwards they came to a ledge and below were massive fields, some forest where Spartans slunk slowly through the forest, some red desert where thousands of aliens surged towards what looked like Humans and others, oddly enough, the darkness of space, massive warships hurling fire at each other.

Rabid unslung his Ruger Sniper Rifle, pulling its bolt back he checked the clip, loaded. Turning around he noticed Vlad holding a megaphone, a confused look on it face. Snatching it off him Rabid switched it on and began to yell.

"TO ALL BOARDWARRIORS! YOUR HELP IS NEEDED!"

Rabid and Vlad waited, expecting warriors to appear out of the mist but instead, their smiles vanishing, hundreds of little creatures ran out, which looked surprisingly like Umpa Lumpa's.

"SHIT!" Rabid cursed and opened fire on them, puffs of red blood erupted from the oncoming crowd, several of them flew back, their heads mutilated, Rabid.Gerbil laughed like a maniac.

"No! Stop it! They're here to help!" Vlad shouted, kicking Rabid powerfully in the nuts, but with a sickening crack he fell to the ground, his foot twisted at a sickening angle. Rabid stopped firing and looked down.

"Oh yeah, I have a titanium cover, I ain't letting nothing touch these babies." He said, patting his crotch fondly. He tured around and saw the thousands of Umpa Lumpa's staring at him. Taking a step forward be raised the megaphone.

"We need your help, the forum is being overrun by spammers, we must fight them off!" The Umpa Lumpa's stood there for several minutes, not taking their eyes off him, Rabid considered shooting a few of them but decided against it. After a while, for no reason whatsoever they all raised their fists and shouted "TO WAR!!!!!!"

With that, Rabid and Vlad made for the Relic Forums Lobby, with a force of nearly seven hundred Umpa Lumpa's in tow.

Rabid shot a few more to keep himself entertained.

[Mullertime]

Mullertime slowly strolled throughout the forums, seeing areas erupt in flames.

As he walked down the large corridors, threads were exploding around him, sending debris and members shooting around the place.
He continues to walk on, with his shield deflecting the odd piece of debris. He fired a few shots from his 'Peace Maker' at the occasional n00b, taking out the troublemakers.

He continued to slowly walk on, with the chaos around him, and he saw 3 members, all with flamethrowers, burning down a nearby thread. They caught sight of him, and turned their flamethrowers in his direction, and started to close in on him
Quickly raising his Peace Maker, he shot several times into them, downing one of them in an instant, as he disintergrated into a faint blue powder.
The other 2 broke into a run, and let their flamethrowers spew forth a wave of liquid fire.
The flames were blocked by the shield, and was quickly nullified by the aura of the Hawiian shirt.

Trying out the powers of his new Psychic Trilby, Mullertime fired out thin, purple beams from his mind, as he locked onto one of the flamethrowers, and raising it aloft, crushed it into a small cube, and laucnhed it into its previous owner, as he followed up with a few more round of ammunition
The 3rd person was quicker, and was leaping about him, trying to get a burst of fire past the shield, the shades locked onto the foe, and tracked its movements, showing a small crosshair where the next shots should be fired. The Peace Maker was aimed at the crosshair, and several bullets were fired out, meeting their target squarely int he Temple.

As the 3 flamers dissipated into dust, Mulleritme continued to walk on.
He was then met with a huge wave of umpa-lumpa-like creatures. he was about to fire some shots into them, when he was Vlad and Rabid standing behind them.

He hadn't really met them, and only really knew them when he worked with them in the 'Cry Wolf'. He looked over to them.

"The hell!?"

[crawford'n'co]

"You saw GawD carrying a fuxxored mix of gravity gun, and scientist. Dont ask. And about the sand." Zealot pointed over to the other side of the map. There was a giant pile of sand. "Watsas! How much longer? I'd say now that its completely done, we have about 32.95 seconds!" Zealot warped back into GawD and drew his glaive. The massive weapon was about 12 feet long, almost as tall as the Angel. He took flight and began to skywalk around the map. Off to his left he saw a massive wall of n00b5 and 5p4mm3r5 advancing on the makeshift CS level. About one in every five of them was a perverse and mutilated Half-Life 2 Construction most likely made in Garrys Mod. "Guys! I think we have a BIG Problem!"

[BmB]

"Oh my god... No!" (OOC: Heck, I always wanted to use that line /OOC)

"I think this calls for more than a battle rifle, this calls for DUAL SMG'S! My specaility."

BmB23 reached into the black box of various dooms and produced two fully loaded SMG's and several additional clips. He put the black box back where he had produced it from.

"I'm invincible with these."

Then the first makeshift bombardments of explosive barrels landed, blasting sand up into the air everywhere. BmB opened fire, a merciless rain of bullets ran across the charging n00b5 most fell, but a good portion was hacked to resist bullets.
Headshot guns were drawn... But BmB knew what to do, it would drain a lot of his energy, but he had to do it. He used his fanboy attack. He turned mimicked Neo and held his hand up to stop the otherwise unstoppable bullets in midair. One got through though, and caused his hand to bleed, after wich one of the now gawping noobs uttered "U s33!!!!one h3s ju57 4 m4n!!!!"

[EagleBlue]

EagleBlue looking at the forums and saw a large crowd of noobs heading toward GawD. And then he heard fighting. He ran toward the battle.

"Hey GawD do you need some help" He shouted

He summoned two M19 SSR SPNKr "Jackhammer" Rocket Launchers and ran toward GawD.

[VladimirNikolai]

Vladimir limped along, drawing sharp intakes of breath every time he put weight on his right foot. The stupid oaf that is Rabid had told him that he had a titanium cover to protect his 'babies', but Vlad knew that it was only there to protect the fact that if anything hit him there, there would be no reaction. He was, indeed, implying that Rabid.Gerbil had no balls, whatsoever. The small group of Oompa Loompas followed Rabid and Vlad down the corridor, as they headed back to the elevator. Every now and then a shot would ring out, and Vlad would cringe as a little man would fall backwards, fluro pink blood splattering everywhere. Then Vlad had a sudden thought.

"Rabid, go to the elevator and call it. Make sure there's no lag issues. I need to get some stuff." he said, running back towards his house. The younger member stood, staring, before walking towards the elevator.

Vlad reached his house, drawing his pistol, kicking the door down and going in all guns (one pistol) blazing. He destroyed his bed, smashed a window and shattered his antique ceramic kitchen sink. But it was best to be safe, in times of the spammer. He walked over to his bedside table, to find a small matchbox-sized metallic object, with a little green button on it.

"That's better..." he whispered, picking up the Improbability Drive, shoving it in it's special backpack. The backpack was somewhat like the Tardis, outside it was always the same size, but inside it was always big enough to hold the Drive. Vlad next strapped on a bandolier of Baked Bean cans, in case things got desparate. He rushed back out the front grate, slamming it behind him, where it promptly fell off it's hinges. Running towards the elevator, he looked down, to see Josephine and her "Cry" team firing wildly at those wolf-people things. He called down.

"Josie, this is major! We've got a group of hackers and spammers and other nasties trying to kill us all! I need your gun, my old pistol won't be enough for this one!"
The woman he had created stared blankly back up at him, letting her teammates handle the next wave of wolves. She stepped onto a small platform and rode it up to his level. She stepped out, and gave him another blank stare.

"Pleease Josie, I created you, and I really need your gu- MOTHERFUCKER!!" he screamed, as the young woman kicked him painfully in the balls. Vlad collapsed, writhing in pain. He sure wished he had a titanium cover right about now.

"No. How the fuck do you expect me to be able to shoot these wolves if I don't have a gun?" she said, coldly. Vlad writhed some more, and muttered

"Why the hell did I make you such a bitch...", to which he recieved a combat boot to the face.

"That's it!" he yelled, ripping out his little pistol, shooting her in both legs. She crumpled to the ground, screaming in pain. Putting the large assault rifle around his neck, he leaned down, and flexi-cuffed Josie with her own cuffs.

"That's what you get for being... what I made you!" he said, lamely. She glared at him, but he stalked away to the group of little men and Rabid.

[Ironwatsas]

The small army of n00b5, spammers, 1337 mnk3ys, }{4X0rs, MingeBags, and asundry internet scum surrounded GawD, EagleBlue, and BmB23 They were firing madly into the crowd, but the rabble crept ever closer.

"LOL ur gunna get pwnt." One of the n00bs yelled before taking a hailstorm of SMG rounds in the face.

"WTFH4X!!1one"

"STFU!"

"LOL FGT!"

The band contnued to advance slowly on the Relic fourmers, blurting out increasingly incomprihensible babble as they crept forward.

"Come on, just a little farther" Watsas said quietly as the army marched into the trap.

"LOL u sed cum!!" One of the n00bs blurted out as it fired several barrels at the Watsas.

"Save your soul and pray to the n00b gods for you have entered the relm of the Watsas, and few leave..."

With those words, Watsas opened a portal, dumping the load of sand atop the army of n00b5, Trolls, and 13375p34k3r5, burying them to their heads. Then, Watsas fired the rainbow cannon, melting the sand into glass, and forever encasing the n005b in a sarcaphagous of their own ignorance.

"Lol, pwnt." Watsas mockingly yelled at the solidifing pile of glass.

[Raver]

Rabid.Gerbil disembarked from the elevator, along with the seven hundred Oompa-Loompas, which had somehow managed to squeeze in with him and Vlad. He unslung his rifle and shot another one, its head exploding in a pray of fleuro-pink. Rabid chuckled to himself.

Suddenly he had to grab hold of an Oompa-Loompa to steady himself, breaking its neck in the process, Rabid trying to stifle a laugh. The ground beneath Rabid's feet shook and shifted and with a massive roar, a whole segment of the lobby fell away, out of it spilled thousands of spammers, noobs, you name it, we swore he saw Chuck Norris in there somewhere as well but we was too busy actually swearing to take any notice.

He took aim and fired, a noob exploding in a shower of yellow ooze. "Attack!" He ordered to Oompa Loompa's which bared razor-sharp teeth and surged towards the mass of spammers. The resulting carnage was like something you would see in a horror movie, limbs, heads and testicles flew in every direction and floor around Rabid's sneakers flowed with blood...pink blood, he turned around just in time to see a Spammer sneaking up behind Vlad. Whipping out his LG mobile, Rabid tossed it at the Spammer catching him square in the forehead. The spammer's head snapped back sickeningly and his body slumped to the floor...

[VladimirNikolai]

The n00bs, spammers, 1337 mnk3ys, }{4X0rs, Norris, they all surged forward. Vlad brought up his Spanish assault rifle, unloading clips into the hordes of the vile beings. Fluids sprayed everywhere, pink, yellow, green, multi-coloured, coming up to vlads knees. Suddenly, wading through the ooze, a shadowy figure loomed above Vladimir. He looked over to Rabid, but he was busy firing randomly, killing as many Loompas as he did enemies. A beam of light shone down onto it's face, to reveal the one, the only, the Chuck Norris.

Vladimir squeezed the stolen rifles trigger, to a metallic click. He dropped it, it clanked to the ground, and he pulled out his pistol. The menacing hulk was slowly gaining ground, and to give him time, Vladimir stared at it, using his famour Deathstare ability. The thing didn't even flinch.

"My fucking God..." Vlad whispered, bringing up his pistol. Unleashing the full seven bullets, clouds of red dust mixing with the blood flying through the air, as the slide creaked back and forwards.

The bullets flew through the air in what seemed slow motion.

They connected with The Norris.

And passed straight through his chest, the skin and shirt rippling like water. A couple of creatures behind him fell, rusty old lead penetrating their ignorant skulls.

The thing kept advancing on Vlad, seeminly impenetrible to any forces he could inflict against him. Unless...

Throwing the backpack into the bloody mass, Vladimir ripped open the zipper, and reached in. What he pulled out resembled a chainsaw, only without the blade, or indeed the bar.

"Oh my fucking God, what the fuck is this!?" he screamed, before noticing the little green handle on the chord, which would usually start a chainsaw.

Looking up, Vlad was just in time to duck under a roundhouse kick from the Norris. It flew over his head, crashing straight through the reinforced steel of the elevator. Vlad raised his device.

"Eat this, Chucky!!" he shouted in his most cliché voice, and pulled the handle.

It started raining wet dogs. Howls filled the air, as a huge Border Collie flew out of the sky, and slammed into Vladimirs head, sending him splashing down into the molten gore. He flaied around, head still under, and inadvertantly opened his eyes. What they beheld was without question beyond comprehensible. It was the true meaning of all that was, of everything, threads, forums, life itself.

A hairy fist grabbed the collar of his shirt, hauling him out of the n00b blood. Hanging in mid air, Vlad wrestled with the arms with his futile strength. Chuck Norris prepared for a roundhouse kick, but in the nick of time Vlad managed to pull the chord again, this time stopping the rain, and turning the wet dogs into pot smoking, crazily dancing koala bears. One landed on Norris' face, and he let go.

"This thing fucking sucks," said Vlad, getting ready to pull the chord again. Before he did, he looked up. Norris had half-eaten the poor koala, and was preparing for one final roundhouse kick, to finish off the poor Boardwarrior.

The hand pulled back.

The engine whirred.

And Chuck Norris shrunk to the size of a toy soldier.

"Fuckin' eh!" yelled Vlad, as he examined the small figure, flailing around in the water. Strangely, instead of trying to swim, it seemed Norris was attempting to roundhouse kick his way to safety. With a quick, deft foot movement, the little man was squished to kingdom come. Vladimir looked around, to see Rabid slowly lining up the captured n00bs, hackers, spammer, Oompa Loompas all alike, splattering their brain matter against the walls as he went.

Vlad sighed, and walked over to the deranged slayer, ready this time NOT to kick him where, in all honesty, it wouldn't hurt him in the slightest.

[BmB]

"Nice job with the sand watsas. Ku... do...s..." BmB23 turned his head to watch part of the lobby collapse

"Holy damn, look at that!" Shouted BmB in horror as thousands of former and current malmembers poured out of the floor.
He put two more clips to good use by emptying them into the face of the nearby abomination screaming and trying to sell him viagra in ridiculous amounts.
This called for one of the most awesome weapons ever invented, the plasma genade. And lots of them too.

"Help me here watsas, cover me."

BmB produced his box once again, turned it upside down and poured out a massive stream of nothing but plasma grenades. He needed a way to ignite them all at once and get them thrown onto the flood of spammers and flamers. But how?

"Anybody, some advice please... got any... remote plasma grenade activation devices of some sort? Or perhaps a catapult? Or can anybody move insanely fast?"

[Ironwatsas]

"GROTFEST!" Watsas yelled. With that, several hundred small, green, goblin like creatures ran from hiding in the DoW forum, each grabbed one or more plasma grenades, and charged the oncoming horde.

"Wait for it..." Watsas used his lightning vision to ignite several grenades, causing the Grotz, Internet malfactors, and everything in the vicinity to be doused in 27,000 degrees of burning gas.

"Well now what?" He asked, as any of the n00b5 that survived would be at a point where living wasn't the perferable option.

"Attention all fourmers!" Ionfish's voice came over the PA system. "We have beaten back the first wave of this n00b attack, but they are ammasing for another wave. The moderating staff cannot hold the line alone, so we are initiating a Code Plaid until further notice. All members are herby granted temporary status to ban any enemies of the fourms on sight. We are planning a counterattack, but must finish mopping up first. Seinor mambers will ast as co-ordinators and standard members are urged to stay together. For the Fourms, For Relic, In the name of Sorak, we shall fight this to the very end!"

Many of the fourmers stood in shock at the decliration of Case Plaid, the full mobilization of the Relic paramilitary and the security forces of any and all Fansites, Mod Teams, and Multiplayer Clans to mount a united defence of the fourm. Not since the AMAZINGSKILLZ incedent had an order of this magnitude been passed.

Finally Watsas drew the connection.

"Guys, this is'nt ordinary malactivities, this is a decliration of war on the Relicfourms. Someone is using these n00b5 as soldiers, and is hell bent on putting us out of business. We need to find out who, but where to start?"

[Captain Elson]

After hiding under his rock while the noobs attacked, Elson leapt at the chance to salvage his ruined reputaion.

Using the power of the number i Elson created and anti gravity saucer with 5 laser cannons on it and began searching far and wide for noobs and their ilk. He had fun roasting their bottoms. He then ran inton Ironwatas, a seemingly veteran person, Elson managed to say "Hey watas, longtime no see, how are the T-MAT in crusades?"

[Mullertime]

"I know who!"

Mullertime called out, during the moment of respite, addressing ironwatsas.

He slowly walked over towards him, his Peace Bringer resting against his shoulder.

"What you, my friend, are dealing with, is a fully feldged assault from all 4 Forum Chaos Gods: Inferno, Nano, Aurora and Azure. Their mission is to destablilise and corrupt forums. They are now ammassing what forces they can to try and overwhelm and destroy this forum. We cannot let them do this.
I suggest we pull all forces out of the Karos Graveyard, and into sectors 1-3. We should make a stand at General Discussions, Dawn of War and Company of heroes. We should push back the forces and make our way to the Homeworld and Impossible Creatures forums, in order to gain supplies and useful weaponry. I will happily take the front lines." He smiled, as he reloaded his Peace Bringer

[Ironwatsas]

"Great idea, magic Hawaiian rambolord of doom... Wait a minuite? Who the hell are you? I've never seen you before."

Just then, an elder troll rose from a charred pile of ash. While injured, the troll was still a formidible opponant.

"LOL WTF was that for FGTZ. I'm gunna wtfpwn you for that, ya little bas..." The troll was cut off as Captian Elson's hoverdrone filled the troll's face with laser. Watsas followed this up with a blast from the rainbow cannon, melting what was left of the troll's face.

But still it charged forward, screaming as it came forward. The group of forumers unloaded on the monster as it ran around, swinging it's mace and smashing the ornate pillars engraved with the signatures of members past.

Watsas lept on top of the Troll, climbed on top of it's head, and revealed a Nuclear Bass. The other fourmers ran for cover as Watsas duck taped the Bass to the back of the Troll's head.

Watsas teleported away, followed by a massive explosion, immolating the Troll where it stood.
Watsas reappeared outside in the fourm parking lot just in time to hear the explosion.

"LOL" Came a voice from behind.

"You have got to be friggin kidding me."

At least a hundred MingeBags were lined in rank in the Relic parking lot. Surrounding them were poorly posed Ragdolls, pointless contraptions, and mispelled names written in laser on the parking lot.

"WTFH4X!!1one"

"Your Mother..." Watsas replied before, within a span of ten seconds being turned green, red, yellow, green again, blue, chrome, tie-dyed, magenta, grape, volumetric light, wood, laser, and finally orange before the MingeBags lagged up suddenly.

"LOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOO...." The Minges were incapacitated, before a miniture black hole appeared and sucked the Minges out of spacetime as we know it. The black hole then drifted over to Watsas.

"Hey Void, how are ya'll doin." Watsas asked.

Void floated there saying nothing.

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense. See ya later." Watsas replied before teleporting back to where the rest of the gang were standing.

"We're going to need bigger guns. I need three volunteers to help me carry stuff from the armory back here, know that this is dangerous territory as the security systems there were the first to shut down, and no one's been through there yet. Now, WHO"S WITH ME!?"

[Captain Elson]

"guns ye say?" Elson grinned.

Out of his irrational drive, Elson produced a Phased Disembler Array, and then used it to create a supply tank from the charred ruins about him. now usually a convoy of supplies is unarmed or lightly. But Elson being the irrational person he is, put 50 mm cannons on the front of the tank and a shield generator on the back end of it, along with 5 point laser turrets to protect it. to top off his insane creation, Elson used his "i" function to make it anti gravity, so it could move fast.

"Watas," Elson called, "Watas ya think about this bad boy?"

[crawford'n'co]

GawD arrived back at the Boardwars and his prized Suppresion cannons. The place, supprisingly was wholey intact. He cleared his account PMs, and sent them to the location of the small group of forumers. He appeared out of thin air with his cannons and asked, "Who wants to have fun? Cant forget the plug!" He pulled plugs out of the two cannons and plugged them into the Emergency Soul Energy Outlet behind Dyn's throne, that few knew about. With the extra energy, the S.C.s had the range about 40 times that of the original from Half-Life, and with two experienced targeters, began raining death down upon the tightly packed n00b5. "Guys, lets set up here. With the Suppresions going, well be able to hold off the n00b5 for a long time. Now, someone help me create a funnel." GawD moved off towards the massive pillars and began pushing them over so as to create a single path where the Cannons could easily target, and such naive things as n00b5 would never think to go around.

[Red Fox]

Bentus blasted through the corridors of the Boardwar Vault. Pipes containing plasma and steam alike lined the halls as he continued towards the core of the Vault. Sensors picked up multiple life signs ahead along with a massive life sign near the Relic Boardwars location. Bentus reached up to his shoulder and withdrew a beam saber from its respective sheath and ignited it. A group of noobs only saw a flash of light and a purple beam before they were sliced in two. Hatasi troops up ahead saw Bentus coming and brought up their brutish autocannons to ready and firing filling the air with hot lead.

The bullets simply vaporized on contact with the superior alloy and Bentus said a small prayer for replacing his Adamantine with Gundanium. Bringing up the Twin buster rifle holstered at the edge of the shield he fired into the crowd of Hatasi, vaporizing them instantly, and boosted through the explosion. He continued until he turned the last corner to where he had stored the two threads. Noobs where poring out by the thousands and Hatasi patrolling the doorway. In the middle stood a Giant Immolated figure looking something akin to Ragnaros.

Bentus quickly turned the corner back before he was noticed. He turned the beam saber off and put it back in its sheath. Sensors showed so many targets that anyway he went about it he would be screwed.

"Well I can't do this alone but hopefully an Admin will get the beacon." Bentus said to himself as he drew up a report beacon and placed it in the wall. He was about to leave when he heard the Fire man speak.

"Faster you noobs! You think we can take over relic forums when your just sitting here doing nothing! Reclaim the other sections and ignore this useless place! Don't make me show you how its done! You! One with the Autocannon! Shoot that stragler over there!"

"Yes Lord Inferno!" A Hatasi troop spoke. Bentus heard the rev of the cannon before a vast number of screams.

"Who the fuck is Inferno?" Bentus said a little too loud.

"What was that noise! You men, With me!" A deep voiced Hatasi spoke as he began marching towards the corridor with what seemed to be a legion of others.

Bentus swore before popping out and unleashing another blast from the Twin buster cannon, vaporizing once again half the squad and the other half exploded from being ionized. Everything in the chamber went nuts. Rounds of every known gun filled the air as Bentus took flight looking for an exit. Inferno spotted him in the air and launched a huge fireball at him. Bentus didn't even see the flame fest coming until it was too late. The sphere connected with the suit and he was sent out of the Vault the hard way, Through every single wall.

Bentus came flying down from the Boardwars with every sensor in the armor blazing "You just got P3WNED!" in his ears. He skipped when he hit the ground finally and bounced through a building or two before landing as a flaming wreck near the group of boardwarriors in the lobby. He had multiple armor breaches and a few cuts but he regenerated the cuts fast enough. What he couldn't regenerate was the massive headache he had from the blast and fall. He got up out of the burning crater that he had landed in and opened up a can of nanites to start armor repairs.

"Watsas" Elson called, "Watsas ya think about this bad boy?"

Bentus walked over to the convoy and looked it over before replying, "Looks like its gonna get nuked like I did. But its better than nothing. Anyone here know what the hell Inferno is besides some Rag wanna be?"

[Ironwatsas]

"Watas," Elson called, "Watas ya think about this bad boy?"

"Watas? Is that some kind of CACTUS? HMMM?" Watsas blurted out before ramming his head into a vending machine. After smashing the machine open and drinking several cans of 'Not the Librarian' cola (The 65% morphine content balancing out Watsas natural insanity) he walked over to where Elson was.

"Alright Elson, great Idea, but I still need two more guys." Watsas replied.

Just then, GawD ran up with several SCIENCE looking devices and a bundle of extention cords.

"Who wants to have fun? Cant forget the plug!" He said as he began unwinding the cords and plugging them into Dyntheos' soul-throne.

"Needs more Dakka." Watsas replied.

GawD continued setting up the Supression devices then began kicking over several marble pillars.

"Guys, lets set up here. With the Suppresions going, well be able to hold off the n00b5 for a long time. Now, someone help me create a funnel."

Watsas then replied as GawD kicked over another pillar.
"You know those are holding up the roof, right?"

[crawford'n'co]

GawD laughed. "Foolish mortal. Look upwards." The ceiling had been turned pitch black. Apparantly light can be useful. And so were the abilities to control it.

[Captain Elson]

"Watsas, hmm, I like Watas better." Orion then punched furiously so that his next sentence wouldn't get him killed. "So Watsas, you think we should get this suit here up and running again, if only i can talk to her pilot, I can update her with some more guns and repair her, but i need the schematics first then i'll disagree with them and then i'll repair them acording to specs."

[Red Fox]

Bentus looked at Elson and said, "Already at 98% repaired Eslon and no you can't have this things schematics. And for Mods sake man I'm a dude!"

Bentus got up from the car and walked over to GawD who was collapsing pillars. He pulled out the tablet and began drawing walls that eventually formed a funnel then pulled them into existence and threw them on the ground. Temporary but would work against noobs. He walked back over to Watsas and Elson

"Ill go with you guys. Besides we can stop by my place and pick up just about any weapon you could dream of. The bottom line is whatever we need to do needs to be done fast before Inferno or whatever his name is finds my Nova Core." Bentus said as the last hole in his armor was finished and systems were once again at 100%.

[Ironwatsas]

"You guys DO know that I'm not talking about the Relic armory, right? All the weapons there have been taken by the Mods, RDF, or the MingeBags. That area's also locked down so tight that not even 1337 }{4X0r m4n himself couldn't open it. We need to go out on the net to get the tools we require. But where? Guys any suggestions?" Watsas said as he checked the Fourm's security logs. The rest of the gang stood around until one finally spoke up...

[EagleBlue]

"How about using this I picked it up just a while ago"

EagleBlue holding a large key and a security card.

[Captain Elson]

"Uh,
I could always ya know, make something......"

Elson, then proceded to recreate his jetpack.

[Gorb]

"Hmm?"

A few of the Boardwarriors looked up at the sound, distracted by the fact that the ceiling could speak.

"The ceiling is dark, Warriors, and darkness is my friend. Darkness sows discord, and that is what we should do to the enemy. We should use what abilities we have to disrupt and cut off spammer troops. While the Gods of Chaos are strong, they are still spammers, and well sown seeds of disruption can degrade their authority in the eyes of their followers. Cut off the head, and the snake will die."

Gorb paused, now holding the attention of all the Warriors.

"I will do what I can, all those who are more suited to stealth follow, otherwise get the machine working as well as possible. Remember, glitches may occur in the very fabric of the Forums as the Gods approach, for their very aura disrupts the good nature of this place. Place not your trust in machinery, look into yourselves for the true power that exists within each and every one of you."

Gorb winked, a startling contrast to his arcane and elaborate speech beforehand.

"Now let's kick some spammers outta our Forums!" He dropped from the ceiling a vanished, and slight shimmer in the darkness.

[Mullertime]

"WAIT! I'll join you!" Mullertime called out to Bentus, Elson and Ironwatsas.

He ran over to them. Ironwatsas still had a slightly bemused look on his face.

"The name's Mullertime. I'm relatively new round these parts. I spend most of the time drifting around the general discussions lobby, getting involved in debates. I spent several months training in the Dawn of War discussions forums, so I doubt you'd have seen me much over the past year or so.
"The important thing is that I have studied and tracked down the Forum Gods over time. You could say I'm a bit of a Bounty Hunter. I'm a veteren to them, and have seen them at work several times. They're deadly, and even more deadly when combined.
"Anyway. Enough of the introductions. Bentus, you said that you saw Inferno, right?"

Bentus nodded.

"Good. I have a score to settle with it... I'd seen Inferno at work before. I don't know if you've ever heard of the Forum's Heresry?"

He was met with an awkward silence

"Very well. You see, it was a time several months ago, in the Dawn of War forums, where Inferno launched a full-scale attack on the DoW forums, trying to burn it to the ground. Small trouble started near the release of Dark Crusade, and many members turned rogue and started taking up flamethrowers to the boards. I couldn't do much at the time, and was unequipped with any of what I have now. I could only watch as the moderators bravely fought back. I wish to settle the score with Inferno. I am now ready. We will also need to beware of Nano, Aurora and Azure. But Inferno is the most dangerous, and the one who I'm equipped to tackle... I wish to join you lot."

Just then, Mullertime looked over at Gorb.

"Best of luck, my friend. You look like you're going to take the brunt of Nano's forces. Nano is the God of duplicate threads and hacking. You'll find he messes up the forums big time. he can create several identical threads, disbale the serach key so we can't find out anything, and just hack and destabilise everything. happy hunting."

As he left, he quickly spun round.

"Oh, and avoid the Karos graveyard. I took a peek down there. Not good. Nano is resurrecting all the old destroyed members. You're going to have some heavy spammers on your plate!"

[Captain Elson]

"actually that is where we should strike." Countered Elson.

"It will be hard, it will be dangerous, but it is definately the last place any mods or admins would strike, so Nano won't be expecting us, if we can take him down fast, we can deal with the spamers, or just get the heck out."

"Of course, I'm delusional, I once had a poem about a girl as my signature, lol."

[Ironwatsas]

"But before we do anything, we need more guns. To get more Guns, we need to go out on the net. To go out on the net, we need some kind of vehicle to haul the guns and protect ourselves, because these spammers, n00bs, Trolls, and WTF ever else aren't just hitting Relic, there's activity all over. Wikipedia, EA's fourms, HWAccess, Google, you name it, so we need a guide who knows WTF is going on and some way of not getting pwned by Viagra ads." Watsas replied.

Just then, a large group of MingeBags appeared out of the Vault.

"Derka Derka WTFH4X!!1one u'r gunna get pwned."

"STFU NEWB!"

"LOL ur a newb."

"Rofl"

The MingeBags began arguing with each other for several minuites.

Finally, Watsas said something. "WTF are you waiting for, ATTACK! WAAAGH!"

[<{$W}>mr plow]

"L0LZ Iz g0nna teh Pwn you with meh l337 h4xorz skillz"

Mr plow Awoke shaking his head groggily he found himself at gun point the delusional fool grasping his Combi-weapon."You sure about that, I doubt you could shoot your own foot with that thing"
"Oh yeah" the idiot Pointed the weapon at his foot and squeezed the trigger "WTF Owie Owie Owie" the n00b bellowed dropping the weapon.Mr Plow quickly snatched up his bolter/Flamer slamming the Butt of his weapon against the n00bs skull,the n00b fell to the ground his cracked head oozing bright blue blood "Right......." Mr Plow remarked in a smart ass manner.

He nudged the dead n00b with his foot and put a bolt round through his head for good measure.To his surprise he was in the Karos graveyard most of the graves were empty and the tomb stones broken or defiled in various ways.A pale green hand emerged from one of the nearby graves it was rotted and dirty(he supposed that would happen when your buried and coming back as a Zombie).He drew his chain sword the brutal weapon grasped tightly in his hand and thumbed the activation rune.It's small razor sharp metallic 'teeth' spinning rapidly he waited.The zombie burst forth from the grave running at him full pelt.Mr Plow steeled himself making a quick prayer to the the true gods of chaos and swung the buzzing Chainsword,it struck true,zombified flesh and bone were sprayed in all directions as he cleft the disgusting creature in two.

More of the vile beasts began to rise "oh F**K this" he yelled running to the Karos graveyards entrance he knew he had to stop the zombies from following him.He deactivated his Chainsword and clipped it back on to his belt and raised his Combi-weapon letting forth a mighty wave of flames at sickening beings before him.He ran as quickly as possible out of the Karos graveyard he saw a giant stone pillar it was to large to try and knock over with brute force even his higly explosive 75.cal bolt shells couldn't do the job.He spotted the corpse of a dead spammer he had an idea,he dragged the corpse over to the pillar he had one chance to get this right. he stabbed a hole in the spammers neck Gas poured out of the hole. He stood back about a metre and let loose a burst of flames.The spammers corpse exploded the giant rock pillar hit the ground with tremendous thud. "Well at least they can't get out,for now"

he spotted a ramshackle vehicle in the corner it was proably one of the n00b transports it had a large symbol on its side like a chaos star but more zig zaggy a squigly a sick poorly drawn insult to the Chaos star
he ignored it and moved on.

He strolled back to the forum index this was complete chaos (the bad kind) he tried to summon a pack of blood letters he rolled a d6 but only got a 1 nothing happened."So it seems my masters powers are useless in this domain" he thought he wearily walked to the boardwars sub-forum it seemed to be n00b free he hoped it was. He saw a group of members in the distance he strode over to them."WTF is going" on was the first thing he said "n00b invasion led by the forum chaos gods" was the reply he got from a guy in a Hawaiian shirt "oh right thanks Muller" "Ok guys we need a vehicle and a guide" Ironwatsas remarked "I think i can help you with the vehicle part,though its not the coolest ride around.But it should do the job unless some has another vehicle,Dyn's throne I hope someone else does"

[EagleBlue]

"GawD where are you!"

EagleBlue still holding the jackhammers.Trying to find GawD.

"Watsas have you seen GawD" Eagleblue asked

OOC: Watsas when are you post again in HomeWorld BoardWar ??

[Mullertime]

Mullertime unleashed several several rounds into the flying foes, as they circled the team. His auto-targetter shades picked out each place to fire, and each burst managed to meet another idiot.

The Mingebags were quickly downed by the combined arms forces of the group. In fact, they didn't even last long enough to say "WTF? IMBA!!!!1111!!!!" before they quickly disintegrated into a bunch of pixels, which slowly rose from the corpses and dissipated into the air. The group had to move quickly. The Mingebags were probably the scouts, a larger force would be following up quite quickly. The team were currently wondering whether to make a daring strike into the Karos Graveyard, to try and throw Nano off balance. Of course, it would give them the upper hand, as they would effectively only have 3 Forum Gods to destroy, whilst nano regrouped and replenished its forces.

But if the attack took a lot of resources and drained a lot of the team, the upper hand would be shortly lost, as the team would be quickly overrun by the other 3 forces.
"The net's overrun?" Mullertime asked. Ironwatsas nodded
"We need the transport to allow us to get through the other people quickly. If we're to browse the net, we need to be able to quickly get in and get out. The enemies will be teeming over the place."

"That's where I can help..." Came a voice.

The group looked over, and saw Mr Plow walking towards them.
He was quickly welcomed and introduced to the group. The important thing was that transport was now available. Internet weaponry could now be browsed and searched. But Mullertime was still unsure, and agreed with Captain Elson.

"Ironwatsas. The internet is likely to be in gridlock. Even a fast sevrer vehicle will be held up. Can we really afford to leave this Forum, to go and find weaponry? The time it would take to get the weaponry and get back, these Forum's would most likey be overrun by n00bs, if not destroyed completely by them. It's a mad idea, but I think we shoudl divide into 2 strike forces. The first force should go out and get weapons. I doubt we'll find a transport big enough for all of us anyway. The other force shoudl stay here, and try and keep the main pages up and running. We're going to lose a lot of sub-forums, but we should stay and make sure the main ones are kept online. That way, if and when the second group returns, the battle can be shifted back into our favour. We would have established a foothold in this forum, and the weaponry will simply allow us to turn the tide. This would be more beneficial than trying to wrestle the entire forums from scratch."
He looked over to Mr Plow.
"Buddy. How good's your driving?"

[Ironwatsas]

"Alright, Elson, GawD, Mullertime, MrPlow, and IronWatsas, you all browse. EagleBlue, Bentus, Gorb, VladimirNikolai, and RabidGerbil will mount an assault with whatever we have on Karos." Watsas said, before getting another soda from the vending machine.

"With what?" Somebody asked.

Watsas went over to Dyn's throne, entered a code, and several ban-cannons appeared.

"Don't shoot yourself in the foot with these." He remarked.

Watsas was about to mention something about breakfast tortillas when an unmistakable noise filled the air. A window appeared before Watsas, who had stopped moving. It read; "FUCK! Watsas has encountered a serious Error and needs to close. To alert your ISP, click the Send Reply button now. Otherwise, click close to close this window and return to the desktop."

The Relic fourmers stood in near panic, or ignorance, at this new predicament...

[EagleBlue]

"What happened to Watsas!!!. Does anyone know happened to him"

Looking at everyone and grabbing one of the ban-cannons. Until somebody spoke up...

[crawford'n'co]

GawD looked around, and simply said, "Wow, that was really random," before opening a new browser window transporting himself to Wikipedia. He quickly went straight to the Styker Light Tank page and hotwired as many of them he could, with a click, he sent them all back to the Forums with ammo. He returned to the forums, luckily the gigantic size of the Wikipedia realm kept the single important pages from lagging. "Well guy's, pick one, and get it running!"

[Captain Elson]

"No thanks I'll make my own GaWD. Hope Watsas makes it back in time for da party"

With that Elson built his own version of the styker. Except he added a few shields, good hovering capabilities, and of course a 400mm laser cannon as the main weapon flanked by 4 30 mm cannons. He then hooked up a ban cannon into the main firing chamber and said." Okay!, who wants some of dis?"

[<{$W}>mr plow]

Driving that thing was like riding a mad bull well a brightly coloured bull,that warped and changed at random intervals,with "Teh h4xorz thang" written on the side.The controls were no better their were hundreds of buttons that had no real use such as "t3h B1g p1nk Wab61t 0f d00m" though it's saving grace was it simple controls the "m4k3 th1ngy g0 bro0m br0om zomghahazcuiokzurmom!!" button started the vehicle and the "itz t1me to st0pz 45678iklolusux" button was the brakes.

After a rather chaotic ride they had arrived at Wikipedia they split up and began to search for the most devastating weapons possible. Gawd had already jumped ahead of them with the magic of tabs. Mr plow was indecisive as to what kind of weapons he would search for since he had no clue as to what to look for he decided to go straight to the heart of all the big guns of the 41st millennium Forgeworld.

A short very odd drive later he had arrived the website, he took a quick moment to marvel at the technological wonder it was a living breathing planet of cold unaffectionate metal with a soft natural inner core. Mr Plow quickly trudged into the enormous aircraft Hanger He was greeted by a Tech priest "How may i serve you my lord" "We are in troubled times Tech Priest n00bs besiege our fair realm they dare tread upon our great kingdom,I need Armour,Tech Priest,Imperial armour" "your will my lord........"

And so began in Mr plows opinion the hard part choosing.

[Mullertime]

"Nano..." Mullertime muttered

It seemed quite obvious that Ironwatsas had been hacked by Nano, and was temporarily removed from the server

"Time is of the essense. We need to get moving...fast!"

Mullertime quickly joined the team in the Wiki page. But the main weaponry would be packed out by now, full of n00bs and flamers. Using the search button might send him to a warp with several attackers, all ready to flame him. he had a quick think, and worked out the perfect place to go:

'Final Fantasy 8'

Everyone was currently hyped up about the 12th edition, so woudl probably be there. he set up a second window, and typed it in. Though it split him slightly, this allowed Muller to at leats have a quick route back to the forums. All Nano needed would have been to disable to 'back' button, and it would be a long walk back to the forums.

On the page, he read up about GF's and how to use them. he believed that he had a host of GF's in his Yin-Yang pendant, and might need to call upon them in times of need. So he studied the pages on junctioning and summoning.
He also quickly checked 7, on limit breaks. Such abilities were great fun in the game, and he would be damned if he wasn't going to use them himself here!

He finished quickly, as not to be tracked by Nano, and leapt back into the Forum's page, closing the other window before anyone entered back through it.
he smiled as he saw people bringing in some pretty heavy weaponry. Such equipment would certainly deal tons of damage to the invading forces.
As the team started amassing themselves, Mullertime checked the ammo on his 'Peace Bringer', and then gently held the Yin-Yang coin in his palm.

"Let's get everything together and move out. We don't have much time. Get the goods and prepare for a pretty nasty fight. Nano will deprogramme and hack you.
There is a weakness though.

Counter-hacking

Whilst busy hacking you, Nano will be unprotected. Someone here either needs to find or create a powerful counter-virus bomb, and load it into the heart of Nano's server. Thsi will destroy its means of control, and allow us to finish it off quickly, before it even has a chance to reset its system. Can anyone here can do that?"

[Captain Elson]

" You must be joking" Said Elson on his intercom, "You that is totally rational and real, i can't dupilcate it unless I were to add something irrational to it."

[EagleBlue]

" No its possible. Any follower of I Nano can do it. So I'll do it because I'm a former noob of Nano I escaped a few years back" EagleBlue Said in his intercom

[Gorb]

"A bomb, to destroy the lord of hackers? Consider it done. Or rather, if EagleBlue insists, I will assist from the shadows, and draw fire to myself, distracting Nano from our true intentions." Gorb's voice floated over from the Karos Graveyard.

Two more bodies of spammers dropped from the dark ceiling to the ground. Their bodies made no protest.

"Two down, many more to go. Be well, fellow Warriors."

[Mullertime]

Mullertime tapped a small image into the interface of the team.

A small sketch appeared in front of them:

"This, my friends. Is Nano..."

http://img258.imageshack.us/img258/4880/nanosk1.jpg

It was a low quality picture, but the closest the team would get to the real thing.

"This is the thing you aim for. The nano-bomb has to be placed into the driver on Nano's left arm. It's the hub of it's power. But beware, though Nano looks like a flimsy robot, it's bloody powerful. The huge orb on the top contains several thousand super-computers, and emits a strong forcefield, able to deflect and deprogramme incomign shots. The dome itself can destabilise and rip apart nearby targets...pixel by pixel...

"But the main thing to beware of, is the console on its left arm. This thing can reprogramme and hack most things. It can open and reopen threads, and resurrect banned members. This is what probably caused Ironwatsas' disappearance. It's the source of its hacking power, and without it, the dome will short circuit and self destruct. So we need to get that super-bomb into the console. Just beware of its 'nano-virus' shot. The console can emit a powerufl beam which essentailly creates a small wromhole and screws up the users entire systems beyond repair. Furthermore, it can also send you into galaxies of pop ups and spammed e-mails.. so be careful. Luckily, upon destroying it, we will be safe from most hack-attacks, and n00bs that are destroyed will stay destroyed. Of course, our worries won't be over, but at least we will have a little more control over the battlefield.

"Well then. Do we have enough to take this thing on? It'll most likely have a retinue of resurrected thugs, which have been hacked and deprogrammed to be extra powerful, so we'll need a lot of firepower..."

[Captain Elson]

"I'll start getting to work on a way to protect us from any hack, and considering it's not possible, i'll delve into the imaginary and create a self adjusting defense program, if someone could make sure Nano doesn't find me before I do, or he might commondere my keyboard...."

Elson then saw several noobs aproach, shouting obscenities at the group of warriors, a grenade fell into their midsts.

"Incoming!" He yelled as more grenades came in, "Get your sheilds online boys, or we are toast!"

[EagleBlue]

" Elson let me give you some help " EagleBlue Said

EagleBlue moved toward Elson but a grenade as on the ground near Elson. Eagleblue tackled Elson to get him out of the range of the grenade.

" Elson are you all right. Guys give me the bomb I have something planned for Nano"

[Ironwatsas]

"Hey, guys. What are y'all doing?" Watsas asked, as he walked in from offscreen. Suddenly a Grenade exploded an several CounterStrike n00bs charged out from cover.

Watsas used his Lightning vision to ignite the offending malfactors and then turned to the Rabble of Relic fourmers.

"Who was that guy?"

[Captain Elson]

"Someone not good is my guess," panted Elson as he began to get back to working on his hacking shield.

[Gorb]

"Let us begin." Gorb vanished from the ground, and appeared in Google.

"The whole Net is glitched. Which means there must be some spammers here also." And with that prophetic statement, a large group of spammer leapt out of Preferences.

"Dieul0lz10011bork!" Gorb arched an eyebrow. Intellectual ability was going down the drain these days. The Fellstone glowed, and he jumped into the air. The n00bs looked around in amazement, then screamed hacking obscenities as Gorb rained blast after magical blast down on them, converting their corrupted forms into .lua files, before deleting them with his ModTools.

"Take that, spammers!"

Gorb looked around, before sensing he was needed elsewhere. The Karos Graveyard. A huge assault was being launched, and all Board Warriors were needed to stem the tide. Nano had attacked. Leaving a copy behind in Google to watch for other spammer attacks, Gorb opened a new tab and sprinted back into Forum Issues. The army of evil was many, led by the most fearsome ex-members of Relic Forums.

This is my final test.

"Chaaaaaarge!"

[<{$W}>mr plow]

Mr plow finally left Forgeworld he rejoiced as he breathed his first breath of fresh air in about 6 hours this was of course ruined by the trio of air-craft that flew directly over his head"oh F**k you then,jackasses" he continued along the path to find the other 200 thunder bolt heavy fighters take of in front of him.Coughing and swearing he found his way back to relic forums he tried to remember where the hell the others had went "oh right the Karos graveyard" he thought shit better go help.he slowly began to make his way to forum issues.

He stopped to check some threads in the studio unfortunately they were full of useless spam,well those that weren't locked that is. He spotted a series of explosions a limb of some sort hit him in the face"Oh for the love of.." covering him in bright multi-coloured blood. It was the arm of some n00b he was pleased to see a group of thunderbolts fly away from the area "Take that you god damn Haxorz pieces of n00bish shit" he yelled as he threw the n00b arm at a nearby group of n00bs.

"WTF? ZOMG HAHA U SUXORZHDASDADOPIPTHECOWGOESFLGEHAMOO" "Ok well your retarded" Mr Plow Stated matter-o-factly before unleashing a a clip of bolt shells on the fools splattering blood and chunks of flesh in all directions. "Anything else n00by yeah I thought not "he stated sarcastically he picked he stomped on the head of the barley living spammer. and with that he set of for the Karos Grave yard.

[VladimirNikolai]

Vladimir's head popped disgracefully out of the wall. The rest of his body followed, a sucking, slurping sound accompanying the new arrival. All he remembered was killing Chuck Norris, then Rabid killing some of the helpers, then blackness... He saw some of the other members around.

"Hey guys, wtf has been going on? I just popped out of a wall... where are we?" He asked.

OOC: Sorry, I didn't post for two nights, and then it was just too overwhelming to read. Can anybody just fill me in quickly on what's been happening/what's happening now? Thanks.

[Gorb]

OOC: Well, most of the guys are creating weapons and ways to pwn Nano, and a few others (including myself) are moving around the place causing merry havoc by ourselves :twisted:

[Mullertime]

Mullertime finally worked his way through the network of disabled wires.

"Finally!" he cried, as he found his way back into his own body again. Nano had tracked him from the image he posted to the others, and had blasted him with an anti-network bomb. Mullertime's ISP collapsed for 2 weeks, shutting him off from the fight.

(OOC: This actually happened. My ISP buggered up....)

Looking around, he was Gorb heading to the Karos Graveyard.

"Wait up, I'll help!" Mullertime shouted, as he charged forward. He checked his ammo and equipment again, he drew level with Gorb, and looked out at the huge mass before him.

"Oh....crap..."

[Gorb]

"Yeah, well, yeah. Crap just about covers it." The angry screaming horde of spammers ran around freely, shouting unintelligable rubbish and defacing the borders of Forum Issues.

"The show must go on." Gorb leapt into the fray, and all the bots stopped shouting and stared in amazement.

"Please, move not for my sake. Stay still, and your death will be that much swifter." The first spammer screamed as Gorb's figure shifted in space and blew a hole in the spammer's stomach with his staff. 1 down, 100101119 to go.

[Mullertime]

Pulling out his only Backseat Moderator grenade, Mullertime pulled out the pin and lobbed it into the fray. A few seconds passed, as the spammers tried to eat it, when it exploded in a plasma-based haze, disintergrating all the nearby spammers, downing at least 180 of the buggers.
Nothing was left but a huge gap, as the sound of "I smite you with my Banning Stick" flowed across the entire room, as the spammers clasped their hands to their ears and screamed.
This brought Mullerimte a few vital seconds, to leap off of the entrance Plateau, and into the newly formed gap in the centre of the sea of spam.
Before the spammers had time to work out what was going on, Mullertime opened fire on them. His shades pinpointed the next target, effortlessly guiding the peacemaker to its next victims.
Round after round poured out of the Tommy Gun. Thankfully it was sustained by Mullertime's own energy, meaning that ammunition wasn't so much of an issue.
Round after round kept pouring out, as the spammers tried to close in, only to be met by several de-pixellation shots.
The shield generator incorporated into the hat managed to shield Mullertime from most of the projectiles. The rest were quickly locked onto by the shades and dealt with by the Peace bringer.

A long time seemed to pass, as the trigger was still firmly pressed down, letting rip bolt after bolt into the mass of soldiers, who just seemed to continue running at him. Various virus bombs and anti-matter devices were exploding around him, he had taken a few hits, but was able to grit his teeth as his shirt self-repaired the missing aspects of his person. He couldn't carry on like this forever. Something had to be done to help turn the tide.

He looked up. There was a huge celiling above them, only just held by a few support pillars. Luckily, the spammers had severely damaged most of them in their unholy fury. If he could just knock out the last few...
He quickly looked around as he fired yet more bolts, and taking a quick glimpses, managed to pick out 5 remaining support pillars. 3 were on their last legs, but 2 still seemed pretty strong.

"Gorb" he shouted as the fought through the mass, to draw closer to one of the weaker pillars.
"Gorb, the pillars! If we destroy those the ceiling will cave in and knock most of them-"
The back of his neck was hit with a spammer bomb, causing Mullertime to hallucinate. he saw several pop-ups appear before his very eyes, and circling around him and trying to attack him. He was disorientated, but let his shades do their work and continue to fire at the spammers. he couldn't see, so was working more on instinct, as he let his shades 'bleeps' guide his Peace Maker, waiting for the pop ups to slowly disappear. He had to fight through it, and was grateful for the shield which managed to protect him from most of the other attacks.
One by one he saw them go

"Come on..." he quitly urged, as another spammer disappeared into pixellated air.

[Ironwatsas]

Just as Mullertime was being overwhelmed, the explosion from a Mythbusters style Compressed Air/Gasoline cannon showered many of the N00b5 nearby, Muller's Hawaiian shirt protected him, but the N00b5 were flamed instantly.

"You, whatever your name is, I'll cover you while you take out the pillars!" Watsas yelled as he drove in on a H4X0red M4 Crab-Flail Sherman obtained from the CoH modding fourm. Watsas gunned the engine and turned on the flail.

N00b after N00b screamed as one by one, they were mowed down by the rotating steel hammers while the 999999999999999999.97HP armor of the modded tank protected against spam beams and 1337 bombs. Watsas made his way to Gorb and fired the 75mm gun into a nearby Troll, blasting it apart instantly.

"Quickly, random Goth byproduct, I need someone to man the turret, I can't do everything at once." Just then, several MingeBags Nocliped from behind a wall and barrel-spammed the tank.

Suddenly, an announcement came across the Sticky-Thread PA system. The fourmbot's voice boomed across the fourms "All Relic members and staff, we have a fourm spam situation Case Plaid, All staff are to procede to #Homeworld. From there we will regroup nd launch a united counterattack."

The N00b5, having completely ignored the Sticky thread, pressed on the attack, but Watsas heard all too clearly.

"This is more serious then I could have imagined, case plaid is the highest urgency of fourm infiltration. We cannot win, and I advise we retreat to IRC and regroup. Meh?"

[Captain Elson]

" I'm done with our shield to defend ourselves from that hacker dude, it should allow us about 10 minutes of hack freedom before he can crack it."

Elson then put the device in his pocket so he wouldn't lose it and looked at all the noobs. He pushed a few buttons and his craft revealed a cannon in the front. Everyone around could hear the all too familiar sound of an ion cannon charging.

"Hey noobs, take a load off your feet, an be vaporized!"

[Gorb]

"I will remain in this tab for some time yet, however I'll be in IRC at the same time."

Gorb opened a new tab and jumped to IRC.

"Honestly, a Goth by-product? I'm insulted." His clone left behind in Forum Issues opened fire with a series of magical blasts that weakened the structural integrity of the Karos Graveyard. The final two pillars crashed down as the clone slashed them with his arcane blade. The resulting explosion took out the tab and Gorb's clone, but also sealed Forum Issues from the rest of the Internet. For now, at least.

[Ironwatsas]

"Exactly, everyone who would call Gorb a Goth Byproduct should BURN!" Watsas yelled, before spontaniously combusting.
"L0lz u G0Tz Fl4m3z 0n u!!11one."

"orly?"

"Ya Rly!"

"STFU n0ob"

"ZOMGWTFBBQ IM ON FIRE, WAAAGH!" Watsas yelled and began running about flailing his arms. This ignited several of the N00b5, which happen to burn like Gasoline-soaked Sawdust, and quickly immolated the area.

Watsas managed to put himself out with his Fire-Extinguisher Vision and opened a link to #Homeworld before the Karos Roof finally collapsed. When He arrived at IRC, He saw SquidDNA and Moe briefing the majority of the members.

"I'll assume that you know why you're here, the fourm has been overrun by n00b5 from across the net, and we were unable to conatin them, as we thought they were disorganized and isolated. Their primary center of operations is the Karos Graveyard, from there they are flooding through Forum Issues and out from there."

"Numerous Board Warriors and GD regulars, plus are holding out but cannot possibly advance. We therefore must mount a united offensive, All of the Moderators and ALL fourm members must fight, or the fourms will fall."

"Our plan of attack is simple. DeepChrome and Riess will attack The Studio, creating a corridor for the Board Warriors to escape. Corsix will take a legion of fourmers to The Armory and gather weapons for our final assault. Finally, Myself, Squid, Dyntheos, Ionfish, and Ceejayoz will retake the Workshop and gather our most powerful weapons and doomsday devices in preperation."

"Once that is done, We will assault Fourm Issues and then push into Karos itself."

"This however requires a co-ordinated effort on the part of the fourmers and we expect an epic battle like in Supreme Commander, but cooler. Though the possibility of Lag makes this a dangerous affair."

"Now, WHO IS WITH US!?"

A thunderous applause rose from the legions of fourmers as they prepared to march off to war.

"Mullertime, do you really think they can win agaunst Nano? I'm sure they can destroy Tens of Millions of N00b5 without breaking a sweat, but Nano himself?" Watsas asked.

[Mullertime]

Firing at the last few support pillars, the Karos Graveyard roof started to collapse. The other few good fighters in the graveyard quickly exited, as the n00b5 finally saw that they would shortly be crushed.

Quickly seeing the roof start to creak and crumble, Mullertime quickly opened up a new tab to escape.
But the tab was empty, it led to nowhere, and it quickly shut in his face.
He tried again, but couldn't open a new tab. His 'back' and 'home' button had both been cancelled out, along with his favourites and the web address bar. He had essentially been locked in.
Trapped in the graveyard, he made break for the exit. The roof starting to crack, as a huge segment slowly sunk, causing the crack to get longer and longer...
Mullertime broke out in a run, firing his way through the n00b5 and spammers with the exit in sight.
The final pillar exploded from Gorb's clone's attack, as it collapsed down and sealed off the 'Forum Issues' section.

Mullertime's heart sank, as he saw his only avenue of escape get cut off in front of his very eyes.

The ceiling now started to fall down, huge sections plummeted and crashed into the spammers below. Eventually, the whole roof was ripped from the sides, as the entire panel suddenly drew closer to the ground. The n00b5 looked up in horror at the huge shadow about to engulf them.
Mullertime saw it drawing closer, and relised that there wasn't much else to do.
So he stood there, resigned, and tried to draw in as much energy as he could to his shields.
Would the shield be able to handle a thread being ripped apart? Could it survive the implosion?
He didn't have time to think about all this. All he continued to do was focus and focus, as the shield starting spitting out arcane bolts, slowly shrounding him in a crystal lightning blue dome.
He summoned up all his energy, and screamed, as several bolts shot out of him to help the dome.
The dome had now become almost opaque..
Several seconds passed, which seemed like hours. He waited...

Then, a few seconds later, the entire mass of the roof finally landed, crushing all life beneath it...

[Captain Elson]

"Did someone say copyright infringement?" Elson said looking at Wastas. His craft then took shape of a cybran ACU, except with a few add ons, like hover, a few missile racks, and of course a mega laser and a cloak/stealth generator.He then heard Wastas speaking to mullertime who wasn't there. He then did a search for him and was taken a-back of his results.

"Wastas, my sensors show that the Karos graveyard has somehow collapsed, comrade Mullertime was still in there, apparently he was hacked and couldn't open up a tab in time."

"I'm with ya Wastas though!" Yelled Captain Elson as he lept towards Wastas's side.

[Angelofthenight]

OOC: Im Gonna Pitch In

IC: "Ah bugger boardwarring all night is never good for your head" angel Looked around spotted is unorthadox forum watcher and saw the Roof Of the karos graveyard collapse
"OMG WTF!!!!" Angel Grabbed his miniguns and quickly too flight then saw an ARMY of Noobs and spammers "this is not my day" Pulls both triggers and sprays the army while avoiding getting shot"(Insert mad cackle here)" "DIE SPAMMERS" quickly opened another tab while spraying the noob5 and saw eep chrame squid and other members of the forums quickly ran into there exaused "Damn thats the last time i do that by myself"

[Mullertime]

"Ugh..."

The leftover of the roof of the Karos Graveyard shifted slightly. It shook with a force acting beneath it. Trying to move it.
It came to a rest, and no more sound was heard for a few silent moments, when the centre of the slab exploded in a hail of shrapnel. A small hole had punched through the ancient rock, and created cracks running down it.
A few more moments of silence continued, when the slab started moving again, carried by a determined effort, slowly pushing it up, splitting it at the fresh hole just created. The huge slab split up into smaller segments, as an arm worked it's way through. A weathered hand grasped one of the edges, and forced it to one side, causing the slab to limpy fall and crumple.
A hole had now emerged from where the roof had quietly rested on top of the carnage beneath it. The several thousand spammers, crushed, their pixels slowly dissipating through the cracks and gaps running around the Karos graveyard. It was like a diamond dust, slowly rising, and disappearing through the warp that calmly encircled the graveyard, sending the pixles into oblivion.
With a gasp of air, Mullertime pushed his way to the surface. His face eased out of the hole, as he took several grateful breaths of air. His glasses were damaged, but still stubbornly clung to his nose, and shielded his eyes.
His hat, slightly crumpled and worn, but in one piece, still rested on top of him, the shield it had generated had just saved him. His energy had been sapped, and for hours, he lied there, slowly losing energy.
With one arm out, and his face now above ground, he started pulling the rest of himself out. He eased himself up, as his right arm limpy followed, still valiantly carrying his 'Peace Bringer'
As soon as he found his way out, he slumped to the floor, breathing slowly, taking in each breath with a heavy amount of relief.

After a few minutes of lying there and finding himself in one piece, he pushed himself to his feet. His job was still not over. The rebellion was still in progress. And hes was still sure that Nano would still exist. He knew that a single collapsed roof would not take out Nano. He knew it woudl be somewhere, mockingly laughing at the pathetic attempt on its life.
He grit his teeth, in anger at the machine. He wanted it destroyed. He wanted all the Forum Gods gone. His anger built up inside him. But he looked around and decided it was not worth getting worked up about. No one was around. It was all empty. He was alone...for now.
He checked the charge on his hat, the energy used to shield him had darined a lot of its power. He set it to recharge, which meant that he would be without shields for a while, but with no one around, it seemed the best time to recharge it.
Aside from the mist of pixels still rising, the place was empty. All around him, were just slabs of cracked ceiling.
He looked up, and saw the warp above him. It was dormant, and for now, unthreatening. The haze slowly spiralled in a purple and black mist, illuminated by the occasional crack of lightning and energy sparks. It was the warp to the unrestrained internet, the 'true internet'.
When the computers were linked in a network, the internet consisted of a mass of pixels and data, which worked fine for LANs.
But as the groups grew, and the members increased, the data fields were lit up with the information of millions.
In a bid to control the information and bring some order to it, the websites were created. Special domes of information, which blocked out most information, but allowed the important data through, to aid it.
Much like a submarine, nestled at the bottom of the ocean, each website was nestled with an almost inpenetrable barrier, shielding it from the outside. And one by one, each website was linked with teleportation systems, and even search engines were created to make locating websites all the easier.
Entering the true internet was the poitn of no return. And person or pixel woudl be lost in a sea of pop-ups and random data, all illogical and mixed together, in a hell of the combined information from all the internet. Escape was near impossible...
He sighed.
This was where the chaos Gods come from. Hidden within the great warp, they blend in with the background, and as they move, unnoticed, they prey upon weak sites, ripping them apart.
Right now, their aim seemed clear.
To launch a unilateral assault on all the websites, and rip them apart, so that they may once again join the true internet.
What the Gods would do with the true internet, he did not know. And quite frankly, he didn't want to know.
All he knew was that he had to stop them. Him and the other loyal members had to rise up and ensure they never breach the realms of the internet again.
That was his aim, and shouldering his peace bringer, started walking along the desert of stone, to find a way out, and back into the fray...

[<{$W}>mr plow]

"WTF?" Mr Plow yelled out in shock as The roof of the Karos grave yard had fallen the great chunks of stone and pieces of ruble were everywhere the good news was that a massive armies of n00bs had been utterly crushed to pulp by the titanic collapse.

He looked up, to late a large chunk of stone came tumbling down crushing Mr Plows mortal body all that remained were blood stains and some severely damaged weapons. His now bodiless form floated aloft "oh this is just fucking great" he thought "what the hell am I suppose to do now". Grasping the gleaming 8 pointed golden star amulet he besieged the true Gods of chaos for a solution "Ruinous Gods of the Warp heed my Prayers" he yelled "for many long years I have faithfully served the great pantheon of chaos undivided" "So now in these times of dire need i ask of you my lords Tzeentch Khorne Nurgle and Slaaneesh grant me a new body one not burdened by the weaknesses of mortals" "grant me this one favour my Lords so that I may continue to smite your foes and destroy these insults to your divinity known as the forum chaos gods".

Mr Plow Awoke groggily shaking his head he rose he felt different he wasn't sure why. He found himself in a small chamber he walked forward a large piece of reflective metal was in front of him what saw stunned him. The form of Chaos Lord looked back at him. His Daemonic Power Armor blessed and sealed by the Gods of Chaos. Chaotic Runes and Forbidden texts inscribed into the ornate power armors golden edging the brown fur animal pelt draped over his shoulders two large spikes held it in place and a long red cape hung form the bottom of his power pack.” I thank you gods of Chaos I swear that I will not rest until each of the forum gods meet their end" leaned against the wall next to him were his final gifts form the gods. A mighty Beserker glaive writhed and glowed red,eager to once more taste the blood of mortals and a bolt pistol that leaked sorcerous energies that could only be Tzeentchian. Stowing the Bolt pistol away he grasped the Mighty glaive in both hands feeling the rage of the daemon trapped inside of it he left the in search of enemies to slay in the name of Chaos Undivided.

[Mullertime]

Mullertime continued to plod along the rubble of the roof. Nothing was around for miles. He was starting to get tired. There seemed to be no way out. He continually tried to use 'back' or 'home', but all of the were disabled.

But why?

No viral bomb would block the commands for that long.
Which means...

Muller looked up, and looked at the real internet looming above him. It still hadn't moved from it's position. It hadn't even started wearing away the edges of the thread, and now he knew why.

Nano was here...

He couldn't see the creature, but it was obvious that it was holding up the roof. It was waiting for something...
Nano had obviously emmitted some sort of beam, blocking all 'back', 'home' and contact commands. It was toying with Muller. he knew that if he killed Nano, the roof would cave in, sending him to the 'real internet'. But why hadn't it just let the space cave in and finish off Muller now? Why was is toying with him?

For some odd reason, this thought made his clench his Peace Bringer a little tighter than usual. He was going to have to fight nano... One on one. No one else would be able to intervene, unless they could hack their way to the graveyard. For his sake, Muller hoped that a hacker was on the side of stopping the spammers and n00bs...

He wondered how everyone else was doing...

[jackster]

Jackster, Lord of Chaos, Scan through the Strategy & Army list forum, watching as the fight erupts around him.
He said to his 1850 points worth of CSMs "Today is a our day, as the false Emperor and all his weak army list are about to be cast down, and we will be on our way to victory!"
All 1850 points of Chaos marines cheered!!