Handarazuur
9th Dec 03, 5:33 AM
WEB SCREENPLAY
LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER
a romantic comedy screenplay by
www.astonishingtales.com
and
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
FADE IN.
EXT. A ROAD
HELEN HUNT and FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM are driving along in HELEN HUNT's car.
HELEN HUNT
Gosh, FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM, there really is nothing like a Sunday afternoon drive, is there? Just you and me out on the road with the wind in our hair and not a care in the world. Why, at this moment I don't even care that I am single and alone.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above.
HELEN HUNT nods agreeably.
HELEN HUNT
That's very true. Could life be any more perfect?
Suddenly, BILLY CRYSTAL runs out in front of them, causing HELEN HUNT to hurriedly slam on the brakes.
HELEN HUNT
(yelling)
Hey, buster. Why don't you watch where you're going! You could have really badly dented my car!!
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
(yelling also)
To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.
BILLY CRYSTAL
I'm sorry, HELEN HUNT. I don't have time to explain my dangerous behaviour. I am in too much of a mysterious hurry.
He hurries off mysteriously.
HELEN HUNT
Well, FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM. He's certainly very rude and mysterious. I will take an instant dislike to him.
CUT TO.
INT. A COCKTAIL PARTY
HELEN HUNT and FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM are enjoying themselves at a cocktail party. HELEN HUNT is talking to a handsome man while FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM is also making small talk with a member of the opposite sex.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
Show all your talents here - Contains a sub forum listing links to Tutorials and Tools.
MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
Hahahahahahaha!! Oh, how frightfully witty. Shame on you, HELEN HUNT for not introducing me to FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM sooner.
HELEN HUNT
I knew you two would get along famously. Now, why don't we all head out onto the dance floor and lambada?
Before they can do so, there is a tap on her shoulder. She whirls around to find BILLY CRYSTAL smiling charmingly.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Hello, HELEN HUNT. Perhaps you'd care to dance with me instead?
HELEN HUNT
No I most certainly would not, BILLY CRYSTAL! I doubt I would ever fall in love with you.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
This Forum is used to discuss technical computer topics, software, hardware and systems.
Everybody laughs.
BILLY CRYSTAL
... as the actor said to the bishop.
Everybody laughs even more.
HELEN HUNT
(eyelashes a-flutter)
Oh, BILLY CRYSTAL, how excitingly quick-witted you are. I think I shall fall in love with you. Who would have thought that would ever happen, what with my instant dislike of you when first we met?
FADE TO.
INT. HELEN HUNT's BEDROOM.
HELEN HUNT is on the phone to FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM.
HELEN HUNT
Oh... FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM, can it really be only a week since I met BILLY CRYSTAL? I am so very deeply in love with him. Do you know what he said to me last night?
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
Want to build a computer and get advice, tweak it, or have a system glitch?
HELEN HUNT
(nodding)
Exactly. (sighs) He's such a romantic.
Her phone beeps.
HELEN HUNT
(continued)
That's him on Call Waiting! Gotta go. Thanks for listening FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM. Wish me luck.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
Please be aware of potential spoilers when using this forum.
HELEN HUNT
Well, I'm not sure that's particularly lucky...
CUT TO.
EXT. A SHOOTING RANGE
HELEN HUNT is shooting angrily, while FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM listens to what she has to say.
HELEN HUNT
And then I find out that BILLY CRYSTAL poisoned my dog! I can't believe I fell in love with him.
She shoots some more.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
Learn all the tricks from the pros - Contains a sub forum archiving the best strategies.
HELEN HUNT
Yes, you said that from the very beginning, didn't you? Oh, if only I'd listened to you, FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM.
She shoots angrily again. BILLY CRYSTAL comes running up.
BILLY CRYSTAL
I must talk to you, HELEN HUNT. I can explain.
HELEN HUNT
(to FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM)
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM, please tell BILLY CRYSTAL that I am not talking to him. My heart is far too broken.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
(to BILLY CRYSTAL)
Got a question on a potential topic or see an issue with a present one?
BILLY CRYSTAL
Is that really how you feel, HELEN HUNT?
HELEN HUNT nods.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Then I have no choice but to take that transfer to Nigeria.
He leaves.
CUT TO.
INT. A BUSY AIRPORT
THE NEXT DAY
BILLY CRYSTAL is preparing to leave forever.
CUT TO.
INT. A TAXI
HELEN HUNT
Hurry, TAXI DRIVER. BILLY CRYSTAL is about to get on a plane and leave forever and I've just realised that it is because of a ghastly misunderstanding.
TAXI DRIVER
Sorry, HELEN HUNT, but we are in a traffic jam that has dramatically sprung up in order to create dramatic tension.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM suddenly climbs on top of the roof of the taxi.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
(yelling)
Fansite listings, community demographic info, and thread archives can all be found in here.
The other cars, hearing what FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM has to say, suddenly all pull over and let the taxi through. It races to the airport just in time.
HELEN HUNT
(yelling)
BILLY CRYSTAL! BILLY CRYSTAL!! Don't go! I understand now that it was all a ghastly misunderstanding.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Okay. I won't go.
He doesn't go.
HELEN HUNT
I love you, BILLY CRYSTAL.
BILLY CRYSTAL
I love you, HELEN HUNT.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
The Shoutbox Latest Shout Posted by HOMEAgain!
BILLY CRYSTAL and HELEN HUNT
Hahahahahaha!!!!
THE END
LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER
a romantic comedy screenplay by
www.astonishingtales.com
and
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
FADE IN.
EXT. A ROAD
HELEN HUNT and FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM are driving along in HELEN HUNT's car.
HELEN HUNT
Gosh, FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM, there really is nothing like a Sunday afternoon drive, is there? Just you and me out on the road with the wind in our hair and not a care in the world. Why, at this moment I don't even care that I am single and alone.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above.
HELEN HUNT nods agreeably.
HELEN HUNT
That's very true. Could life be any more perfect?
Suddenly, BILLY CRYSTAL runs out in front of them, causing HELEN HUNT to hurriedly slam on the brakes.
HELEN HUNT
(yelling)
Hey, buster. Why don't you watch where you're going! You could have really badly dented my car!!
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
(yelling also)
To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.
BILLY CRYSTAL
I'm sorry, HELEN HUNT. I don't have time to explain my dangerous behaviour. I am in too much of a mysterious hurry.
He hurries off mysteriously.
HELEN HUNT
Well, FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM. He's certainly very rude and mysterious. I will take an instant dislike to him.
CUT TO.
INT. A COCKTAIL PARTY
HELEN HUNT and FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM are enjoying themselves at a cocktail party. HELEN HUNT is talking to a handsome man while FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM is also making small talk with a member of the opposite sex.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
Show all your talents here - Contains a sub forum listing links to Tutorials and Tools.
MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
Hahahahahahaha!! Oh, how frightfully witty. Shame on you, HELEN HUNT for not introducing me to FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM sooner.
HELEN HUNT
I knew you two would get along famously. Now, why don't we all head out onto the dance floor and lambada?
Before they can do so, there is a tap on her shoulder. She whirls around to find BILLY CRYSTAL smiling charmingly.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Hello, HELEN HUNT. Perhaps you'd care to dance with me instead?
HELEN HUNT
No I most certainly would not, BILLY CRYSTAL! I doubt I would ever fall in love with you.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
This Forum is used to discuss technical computer topics, software, hardware and systems.
Everybody laughs.
BILLY CRYSTAL
... as the actor said to the bishop.
Everybody laughs even more.
HELEN HUNT
(eyelashes a-flutter)
Oh, BILLY CRYSTAL, how excitingly quick-witted you are. I think I shall fall in love with you. Who would have thought that would ever happen, what with my instant dislike of you when first we met?
FADE TO.
INT. HELEN HUNT's BEDROOM.
HELEN HUNT is on the phone to FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM.
HELEN HUNT
Oh... FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM, can it really be only a week since I met BILLY CRYSTAL? I am so very deeply in love with him. Do you know what he said to me last night?
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
Want to build a computer and get advice, tweak it, or have a system glitch?
HELEN HUNT
(nodding)
Exactly. (sighs) He's such a romantic.
Her phone beeps.
HELEN HUNT
(continued)
That's him on Call Waiting! Gotta go. Thanks for listening FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM. Wish me luck.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
Please be aware of potential spoilers when using this forum.
HELEN HUNT
Well, I'm not sure that's particularly lucky...
CUT TO.
EXT. A SHOOTING RANGE
HELEN HUNT is shooting angrily, while FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM listens to what she has to say.
HELEN HUNT
And then I find out that BILLY CRYSTAL poisoned my dog! I can't believe I fell in love with him.
She shoots some more.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
Learn all the tricks from the pros - Contains a sub forum archiving the best strategies.
HELEN HUNT
Yes, you said that from the very beginning, didn't you? Oh, if only I'd listened to you, FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM.
She shoots angrily again. BILLY CRYSTAL comes running up.
BILLY CRYSTAL
I must talk to you, HELEN HUNT. I can explain.
HELEN HUNT
(to FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM)
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM, please tell BILLY CRYSTAL that I am not talking to him. My heart is far too broken.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
(to BILLY CRYSTAL)
Got a question on a potential topic or see an issue with a present one?
BILLY CRYSTAL
Is that really how you feel, HELEN HUNT?
HELEN HUNT nods.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Then I have no choice but to take that transfer to Nigeria.
He leaves.
CUT TO.
INT. A BUSY AIRPORT
THE NEXT DAY
BILLY CRYSTAL is preparing to leave forever.
CUT TO.
INT. A TAXI
HELEN HUNT
Hurry, TAXI DRIVER. BILLY CRYSTAL is about to get on a plane and leave forever and I've just realised that it is because of a ghastly misunderstanding.
TAXI DRIVER
Sorry, HELEN HUNT, but we are in a traffic jam that has dramatically sprung up in order to create dramatic tension.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM suddenly climbs on top of the roof of the taxi.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
(yelling)
Fansite listings, community demographic info, and thread archives can all be found in here.
The other cars, hearing what FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM has to say, suddenly all pull over and let the taxi through. It races to the airport just in time.
HELEN HUNT
(yelling)
BILLY CRYSTAL! BILLY CRYSTAL!! Don't go! I understand now that it was all a ghastly misunderstanding.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Okay. I won't go.
He doesn't go.
HELEN HUNT
I love you, BILLY CRYSTAL.
BILLY CRYSTAL
I love you, HELEN HUNT.
FORUMS.RELICNEWS.COM
The Shoutbox Latest Shout Posted by HOMEAgain!
BILLY CRYSTAL and HELEN HUNT
Hahahahahaha!!!!
THE END