A chunk of my current novella...

[Vaarok]

My Taiyan stories (http://www.geocities.com/harikkzyn/Taiyan.htm)

Please enjoy, and feel free to comment and crit to your hearts contentment.

I truly hope the dialogue is good. It's supposed to be sparky and filled with verbal sparring, but I'm not sure how well I nailed it.

Also, you might "get" some lines better if you think of Ra'Jayix as having a hint of a british accent to his speech.

[Vaarok]

hey! <bump> Hey! Try it, tastes like chicken!

[blackjack]

Post them here.

Most people don't like clicking links to read stuff.. myself included. Too lazy and all.

[Silver Scorpion]

when ara ya going to update the t-mat story in the hwu forums man it's the same thing since frruary ithink when the mod proyect started

[zenogias]

Wow, that's pretty darn good. You did the dialogue very well, along with description, style, flow, everything. That was a thoroughly enjoyable read, if I do say so myself. Publish that sucker -- I wanna read the whole thing.

[Vaarok]

graatsi Zenogias, I am gladdened that you could invest the effort to click the link, and moreso that you read and enjoyed it.

Second bit soon, and I rather think that posting on the forum would have been improper. Seventyfive kilos for part one was a bit excessive for a post, and format translation errors would not have made it worthwhile anyway.

[bluevorlon]

I truly hope the dialogue is good. It's supposed to be sparky and filled with verbal sparring, but I'm not sure how well I nailed it.

Also, you might "get" some lines better if you think of Ra'Jayix as having a hint of a british accent to his speech.

I think you certainly nailed the dialogue, it's very snappy manages to keep the reader's interest in the way large tracts of speech often fail to do.

Full marks for including a brit in there too... :cool: He reminds me partially of spike...

blu

[zenogias]

I'd like to add some to my previous comments:

SOmething I particularly enjoyed was the bits of culture included in the play(especially the Imperials being what amounts to atheists :)). Writing parts where the character actually speak in foreign languages was pretty darn cool too; one of this little extras that makes the world come alive (though it is odd to see riders actually communicating with their mounts). Also, the tatoo-oriented magic was an interesting new twist (I've only seen tatoo magic one other time -- in an rpg -- and that wasn't done nearly this cool).

So, anyway, keep it up. I'm looking forward to seeing what an Imperial city is like, plus finding out something about the so-called barbarians.

[Vaarok]

Suka Taquag?

Talking taquags was a bit overdone, as I continue onward in this. I'm revising so that Magha is a tad less intelligent, and Kjhaga downright stupid, to reflect the difference between a Dray (clydesdaleish) and a Ko'eh (war-mount). I also need to explain what a Taquag looks like more. 50-50 Elephantine-Canine with four big horns and a massive forebody, almost gorilla-ish.

Tatoo magic is only hinted at here. The theory being that the barbarian southerns only Mark chieftains and warriors, whereas the Imperials mark everybody, and differently. What you read was equivalent to when Aerie threatens that guy in the bar "you want a magic missile in your gut?"

True magic-use is going to be very cool. Teijayan is going to be cool. Juka, Dragoons, and Templars are going to be cool.

And Tala'ra, and Ta'jaka, and Eh'veh'tha, and Rebo, and Marshers, and the Godsbones/Hull Stones, and the Kerrahi, and Sharrakjh, Mrez, Drang, and Olmec. Et al.

Well. wait a bit, and you'll see.