100 Things I learned from playing Company of Heroes

[Jeff_theguy42]

This is intended as a humorous thread, not a rant, balance discussion, or any such sort of serious business discussion that may or may not impact anything in anyway.

1. The Axis had lots of armoured units in WWII.
2. The Axis had lots of armoured units anywhere, and everywhere, in WWII.
3. The Axis eventually replaced all of their infantry, with amoured units.
4. British Command Trucks were built very well, and very big, and were capable of producing adult males willing to enter armed combat, and a variety of combat vehicles, ranging from light, to heavy armour.
5. Two magical, floating balls of light were the source of many axis vehicles, and infantry.
6. British Sappers are very... Expressive.
7. If the in-game text chat fails, spell out your message with sandbags. Same effect, more pride.
8. While it isn't nice, it can be sometimes humorous to help "protect" your teammates British HQ Truck with an elaborate tank trap, sandbag and wire combination.
9. The King Tiger is a very powerful tank. It also moves quite slowly- however on the upside, should a lost puppy happen to wander in front of this massive tank, it would be fairly easy to stop in time.
10. Rangers are overpowered.
11. Commandos are overpowered.
12. Panthers are overpowered.
13. PIV's are overpowered.
13. Anyone attempting to defend an overpowered unit is biased somehow.
14. Anyone attempting to explain that a unit is overpowered is biased somehow.
15. Despite any infantryman's best efforts, he has proven it impossible to simply hop over those freaking sandbags.
16. Artillery shells bounce off of tanks.
17. Easygoing lads tend to drive American vehicles. "Hi!"
18. Kettenrad drivers are incredibly brave, and don't ever complain about anything. They're sort of like soldiers who never went through boot camp due to being paraplegic.
19. The Scheldt is an interesting map; driving roofing nails through your own toes is an interesting activity.
20. Wooden bridges can be welded back together, with only a welding torch, and some good ol' determination.


Now it's time for you people to add to the list. That's right. You people.

-Edit- I very well have forgotten to mention that the goal of this thread is to reach one hundred "things learned." So the idea here is to hand out a general idea, and let other folks fly with it.

[Melonplant]

17. Easygoing lads tend to drive American vehicles. "Hi!"

"Someone reqqy a greyhound?!"

[iaguz]

22) People tell me that standing near someone welding without eye protection blinds you in seconds, but my engineers seem fine. Actually, considering they can spray a target with several clips of ammo at close range and not kill anyone, maybe they are blind.

[RaiderGrenadier]

23.) A mortar pit's crew members can withstand shells raining on their heads as well as close range small arms fire for vast amounts of time with no casualties. All due to the sweet sweet protection of a perimeter of sandbags.

[Cobra5]

24) A man's flammability is directly proportionate to his heroism.

[The0ne]

25) Hand to hand combat didn't happen in ww2.

[newBAUS]

26) Bouncing shells off the front armour of any tank can eventually scratch off so much paint that the tank explodes. This is only effective with shells 20mm and larger.

[Lunar100]

27) That 17lbr emplacement net cover is actually made of a reinforced titanium alloy which can deflect even the biggest of artillery shells.

28) The American Jeep can withstand a hit from an 88mm shell and not even notice.

[TeamPLayer]

29) you should not counter a sniper with two other snipers, one to die and the other to shoot back!!
30) Trenches do not slow down tanks, they make them fly.

[iaguz]

31) That trenches were the most impregnible defense known to man, more powerful then concrete bunkers

[Coey]

32) Elite soldiers can turn invisible at will.

[SeniorDingDong]

33) If you got heavily combat-woundet but rescued in a sickbay, you will be transformed into a Grenadier by scary Nazi doctors. And because Grenadiers are too tough to care about ripped off legs and bleeding stomachs, you will be thrown back, into the battle that had nearly killed you some minutes before, again. War never ends for you. Pussy.

[Murton]

34: American MG and AT teams carried vast quantities of armour piercing rounds, but lacked the judgement to use it unless specifically told to.

35: In the early years of the war Axis artillery was designed to kill their own forces so they couldn't die at enemy friends. Many Axis generals pointed this out and it was eventually fixed so that they could use their artillery to destroy Allied Troops instead.

[InsaneDruid]

36) Germany Luftwaffe experimented with place to place teleportation to deploy the so called paratroopers to buildings enyhwere on the battlefield. The Term "Paratroopers" was used just to confuse enemy intelligence, just like Panzer Maus was not.. tiny.

37) WW2 US Airforce had special made Bullets for their P-51 Mustang Planes, with perfect Friend or Foe Recognition. Unfortunately, this technology get lost after the war and did not get used in the A10 Thunderbolt.

38) SdKfZ 250 could carry up to 8 Man plus the Driver. (Despite Counter Intelligence spread the 6 Man including 2 Man Crew to fool the enemy) Development of SdKfZ 251 was just because the troops complained about half the man standing on the other ones during transport in the 250.

[iaguz]

39) Goddamn halftracks smell of Volksgrenadiers.

[darkfox101]

40. Stormtroopers were equipped with advanced cloaking technology.

[SeniorDingDong]

41) In WW2, most vehicals had ejector seats to save the crew before explosion. Unfortunately they always skyrocketed the crew too high, causing death on impact after falling and twisting dramaticly through the air.

[Angst72]

42) For some reason, the Wehrmacht's HQ has soldiers marching around inside it all the time, yet can only produce pioneers.

[Splitmonkey]

This tread is classic

43)Some german divisions consisted entirely of 2-man pioneer teams, all armed with flamethrowers.

superior german tactics indeed

[Coey]

44) Everybody in the Wehrmacht spoke English.

[iaguz]

45) Every USA squad of riflemen, mg team and mortar all had the same R Lee Ermey-esque sargeant leading them, who always was the last to die.

46) All Wehrmacht snipers could have been luftwaffe aces, but Goering just didn't have enough planes. Also, the Luftwaffe had invented a plane that could fly into space. USA snipers all suffer from strange ego-trips and mineral imagery problems.

[IndigoSpyder]

47. Anti-tank artillery have stronger armor than enclosed medium tank armor.
48. Anti-tank artillery crew are not vulnerable in the rear.
49. Allied anti-tank artillery crew have 20/20 vision and and have zooming target technology.
50. Wehrmacht weren't aided with air support.
51. Falshirmjaegers are not airborne.
52. Allied Riflemen are well-trained draftees and Volksgrenadiers are poorly trained conscripts.
53. Allied squad leaders are radio operators at the same time.

[TaoH]

47) You can decide to buy a V1 rocket for the same price as 2 panzershrecks
48) MG bullets passsed right through allied infantry without hurting them
49) You have to pay german soldiers in bullets just so they have the common sense to patch them selves up using their med-packs
50) Panzer Grenadiers are unable to sprint unless they've been fully trained

[Gethsemani]

51) The men of the Panzer Lehr Division were all suffering from senility and thus had to be rethaught all their basic training during battle.
52) No squad ever entered battle *with* the support weapons. They had to special order them once they had gotten on the field.
53) An american soldier was less expensive than a british soldier. But german soldiers were always the most expensive.

[rifleman]

[45] US airborne were dropped with 3 feet accuracy wherever and whenever they were needed even one man at a time.
[46] Commando and Tommie casualties were of the same cost to Brits. It seems all Brit Troops had the same training.
[47] Axis soldiers could through a single grenade in a trench but they couldn't through 4 or 10 when their officer told them "Grenade Assault Time".
[48] Resources in WWII were not shipped from home, but they were gathered from the field of battle.
[49] Throwing a grenade reduced the Ammo stock of your force, but Artillery Shells were for free.
[50] Troops and Vehicle abilities were changed over time in order for the war to be balanced.
[51] Buildings, troops and tanks were built in 1 or 2 minutes.
[52] Troops could take quite a few bullets before dying.
[53] If a MG was raining bullets your way it would mean nothing if you were brave enough to 'fire up' and run straight to it.
[54] Wehr tank turret gunners were firing blanks.
[55] Wehr halftrucks could be upgraded in under a minute to flammen trucks or Stuka zu fuss
[56] During a battle Wehr used rookies but near the end they brought their most battle hardened vetterans.
[57] Shermans upgraded their barrel in the middle of battle

i could go on, let me know if any were mentioned before

[B4_life]

58) Conrad can't tie his shoelaces.

59) Recruiters tell Americans that joining the army is fun.

60) Volksgrenadiers would have joined the navy if they had known how much walking was involved.

[nuttyjawa]

58) the "boogey man" likes to spread kraut sausage everywhere

[SeniorDingDong]

61) There have been more hightech, highcost hard to use Panzerschrecks on the fields of WW2 then the cheap, easy to build and easy to use Panzerfaust

62) Wehrmacht never ever had classic field artillery

63) Dead animals give you yellow cover

[Nutter[G]]

64) British Infantry Sections always contained a 'Duffy'.
65)Duffy was always looking forward to getting dropped.
66) Experienced commanders such as Lts and Captains was bad for the average British soldier.

[InsaneDruid]

65) Tanks could overrun Tanktraps if they really wanted it and dumped some ammo to praise the gods of war.

66) Germany could have get quite an amount of resources as a credit if they had asked for.

[Ts4EVER]

67. Tanks are killed by driving in circles around them.

[InsaneDruid]

68) Gunners of vehicles that where knocked out often laughed in the face of their death and kept firing at the enemy instead of bailing out immediately.

69) King Tigers had only 5 Running gears instead of 6, that the counter intelligence spread as the truth.

70) the commanders of King Tigers cloaked themselfes by using the loaders hatch.

71) there is no better way to travel than riding a STUG.

72) Mines and barbed Wire where fitted with IR sensors and radio communication systems.

[CroatNotBorat]

73) Concrete bunkers can be reduced to a pile of rubble if flamed long enough

[GerryHYH]

74) Finding and connecting a game in CoH lobby itself is a challenge.
75) Whenever someone leaves the game in 1v1, the first thing that comes to your mind is 'drop hacker'.

[InsaneDruid]

75) Concrete bunkers can't withstand small mortar fire, while holes in the ground, surrounded by sandbacks can. Must be the extreme force field the sandback create.

[Hartmann]

76) P47 pilots are capable of telling apart german soldiers from american from 500 meters in the air, and adjusting their aim accordingly.

[whatsleft]

77) enstein was the inventor of american's grenade.

78) armies worked together under god(relic) so they can have a balanced fight against each other.

[akim]

79) Contrary to popular belief. WWII was actually won, by a single British HQ truck driving all the way to Berlin, and retreating the entire British army to it.

[LowlyGrunt]

(80) Not one single soldier in WW2 ever surrendered, no matter how suicidal his orders.
(81) Wehrmacht Pioneers were armed with matter extractors which could transform wrecked tanks into weapons and ammunition.
(82) Haystacks are bulletproof.
(83) Coffee made by anyone named 'Hans' will suck.

[Ts4EVER]

84. All artillery barrages were premarked by red smoke.
85. Flak88 and Vierlings were build from scratch on the battlefield.
86. Halftracks are clown cars filled with whole divisions.

[Ashmole3110]

(87)Goliaths were quite common and could be controlled via primitive satellites.
(88)All German Mechanized infantry gained x-ray vision when standing that enabled them to uncover dug in mines.

[iaguz]

89) Riflemen designated as Stickie Bomb throwers would never miss, even if they had to throw through a hedgerow/building.

[Schwarzwald]

90)Sometimes british officers are just immune to any damage what so ever including artillery barrages.

[LowlyGrunt]

(91) Every 6th wounded man brought to a US MASH tent was allowed no time to recover, but sent straight back into battle.
(92) Life in the British Army was even harder. Their Medics did this to every 5th casualty.
(93) The German Army was harder still. Every 4th casualty was instantly sent back into action. Mobile divisions did without Medics entirely, instead stockpiling bandages and sticky plaster inside farmhouses.

[Tetto]

(90) Jagpanther, King Tiger or Tiger Ace Cannot go through houses (or bunkers etc.)! But halftruck can destroy buildings, just parking front of them!

[Panzer Jager]

91) American MG gunners yell at their dead comrades, asking them to feed in more ammo.

92) Stormtroopers thought that "Americans fight like sick dogs!"

93) Fallschirmjagers magically appeared out of buildings.

[InsaneDruid]

79a) Contrary to popular belief. WWII was actually won by a single British infantry squad, that had been running to berlin, digging a trench, and holding it throughout the complete war.

(83) Coffee made by anyone named 'Hans' will suck.

Actually, the meal cooked by anyone named "hans" sucks. The translation is incorrect there.

[Painmuffin]

94) King Tigers are free
95) Millions of gallons of paint are lost every battle, due to Silly Americans scratching your paint job.
96) Anyone who uses commandos/fireflies/tommies/rangers/strafing/king tiger/jagdpanther/5 min mp44's/OMA is obviously a noob.

[Panzer Jager]

97) British gliders have entire divisions stored in them, waiting for you to lure them out with money.

[LowlyGrunt]

(98) German forces would often issue incorrect subtitles to confuse the enemy.

(Thanks InsaneDruid)