Sparki's ToVJ (and other fics) - Discussion, Update-Blawg, Flame Thread

[Sparki]

[ Work in progress Thread - Dispatching Worker Corvettes #5 thru #17 ]

Although somewhat a bit of an overkill, I've decided to apply the discussion thread concept following doberman211's model (so kudos goes to him). I know there are other fics that require such thread - While I doubt there will be much of a discussion on my fic (though a topic or two did emerge afte rall), the idea of putting blog'ish updates into a seperate thread is better than rambling the actual story threads in the end.


HW Fanfiction "Tales of the Vjel-Amaj" series Summary:



The story also circles around the fictional Kiith Amaj, a small, neglected-but-independent clan struggling in a dangerous universe and it's only pride, the deep space science cruiser VJEL-AMAJ. The only Bentusi enclave remaining in this galaxy gifted the Kiith Amaj with a vessel that is unique as well as a mysterious adolescent girl that dwells within it.
Her name is Aira... Her heritage, culture and beliefs are of a homeworld myriads of light years away. The crew of the Vjel-Amaj is diverse, as both civilians and a small military unit engage ventures into space. The Kiith Amaj is a young nation of young people who require guidance by those few Hiigarans who decided to stay and not neglect them in a universe full of terrors. A naval veteran who survived the recent war against the defeated Vaygr now serves as helm-navigator and second-in-command... Her name is Hailynn Delixa.

But it is the first time that the Vjel-Amaj must engage a deep space mission far beyond the small sovereignty of Amaji space. Hiigarans are in dismay and desperately beg for rescue. Despite the fact that the Hiigaran Empire neglected the Kiith Amaj... These people are still Hiigarans... The dangerous venture through hyperspace would last a day or maybe even up to a week. How much could go wrong in a week?


Features
"Tales of the Vjel-Amaj" (ToVJ abbr.) features both an original kiith and vessel that were built entirely from scratch, imagination and the given universe of Homeworld. The story also features the life of a female commander who had struggled and survived a violent war and how she finds her way to the young girl of the vessel that looks up to her as the rest of the crew. The story is spiritual as well as dramatic and contains also a great deal of conflicts and adventure.


While the ToVJ installments are cited as post HW2 and the vaygr war, the entire progress circles around the plots of the entire HW series - HW1; HW:Cataclysm; HW2;.... and HW3 (°w°)



Direct Links:

Tales of the Vjel-Amaj - Part I: Aira's Quest
Relicnews Forums; fanfiction.net/archive of our own etc TBA


Tales of the Vjel-Amaj - Part II: *TBA*
Relicnews Forums; fanfiction.net/archive of our own etc TBA

*


Tales of the Vjel-AMaj - Part III: *TBA*
Relicnews Forums; fanfiction.net


Life on Curse - (The Life of Delophane Vamaii)
Relicnews Forums;


*

The Purifying Flame - (Homeworld: Cataclysm era)
Relicnews Forums;


*

ToVJ etc - Wikia compendium (WIP)
Relicnews forums

///////////////////////////

This thread is work in progress. I will try to add some small discussion and blog stuff here from now on.

[Sparki]

Hope I managed to hit all the heads of the nails !

Well. In my eyes, the Taiidan and Hiigarans/Kushans share similarities in physique. When you first introduced Delophane and the gang they were all met with disgust and long-lived hatred.

Might be wrong of me but I see them as a militaristic culture, like Germany in the 1930's, with both pride and a sense of duty towards the fatherland/planet. Don't get me wrong now. It's not I compare them with nazis, or condone that at all. If I somehow offends anyone saying this, that is not my intention. It's just that can see the similarities between the men fighting. After the Homeworld War, how do the Hiigarans view the beaten Taiidani? With disgust and hate. They don't see the taiidan as individuals, but as the evil empire their predecesors served. Aarons and everyone else all reacted the same when they hear/heard about taiidans and turanics.

That is what I had in mind. There is a bit of a twist though. In the present time of ToVJ, the remnant and splitter-group imperial taiidan factions still exist but are somewhat now more of a hidden-but-scrambled evil as they had cooperated with the Vaygr crusades and failed (thus the remaining crusades are just as scattered and lost as the taiidan imperialists - like a headless snake).

One must not also forget the Taiidan Republic(ans) that emerged from the empire after hearing of the Kharakian genocide.
To a point, one coooooudl like a 1930s Germany (=T-Empire) and today's Germany (=T-Republic).

Nonetheless, Aaron wishes to hide the fact that he is half-Taiidan. While the Kiith Amaj is tolerant, there are still many who don't like the Taiidans of any kind, like the mercenaries of Pethera Sjet.

But yes, the hatred exists.
One must not forget (and I think I really FORGOT this point, so I DO have to fix that) is that when Delophane and her turanic gang + another troop (And the actual two vaygr marines) invaded the Vjel-Amaj around the end of Part I, several Amaji crewmen were injured or killed.
One thing I wanted to show is that Delophane and her group did not shoot at the Amaji directly but "above their heads". The idea was that the two Vaygr marines were absolutely lethal in their doings and as long as they were not neutralized, Delophane, her father and all other Turanics were forced to fight alongside the Vaygr. Furthermore, there were also some "vaygr loyalists" under the Turanics were not part of Delophane's clan, making matters worse as a call for Asylum to the Amaji would resulted in swift executions upon Delophane and her clan.

Now, with that said, the big question would be if it were better that Delophane and her clan; though knowing that they needed this asylum; defended themselves and actually shot down Amaji (perhaps even killed them).

No matter how that ends, the Amaji crew still sees them as fiends as they did (or could have) killed friends and fellow crewmembers. I will try to emphasize on that matter.
but rest assured that there is no "happiness", especially in part III, there will be more than just hatred.

The general Amaji crew does not trust the Taiiranics. I think that went a bit down ever since they left the ship with Aaron, though, so I will bring that up.

So how I viewed the Taiidan is like the Hiigarans, but with a more militaristic culture and upbringing with a great sense of duty towards self-sacrifice towards the good and needs of the many.
For example. Delophane. I get the feeling that she, with a military father, had a military upbringing. See "Before the Fall". Still, I'm not the crazed man and what he did. But more with a early military connection as kids. Much like the old Spartans.

But as you've shown the "human beings" behind the great symbol of hate (Taiidan Empire) when you introduced Delophane and her entourage. They get judged and discriminated based on the history the Hiigarans and Taiidani both shared before/after the Exile.

The problems in communication when you first introduced them and Delophane uses a broken Galactic common, perfect. It doesn't need to a slight spice of japanese or anything to show that they're from a different culture, planet etc. Everytime someone speaks a language they're not good at, you can hear/see it in the grammar. Mistakes in a language like "to understand" shows that; "Hey. I understand and are able to make myself understood in a different language, it's just that the grammar hard as hell. But I'll try!" I studied german one year. The hardest in a new language = the grammar.

I see.
I suppose while I brought up the language issues of Delophane (And other turanics) based on japanese mishaps, I went on too far though despite what was there was already enough.

The "Life on Curse" is to shed light on her background, the turanics of the taiidan empire, the madness of Curse and of course how she developed and ended up on the Vjel-Amaj. I don't want to spoil on that end but let's just say that the need to get onboard the Vjel-Amaj was simply a serious neccessity to flee without getting shot. The idea of boarding the Vjel-Amaj was a trick but it was also a serious problem as the murderous Vaygr marines came along as well. Note: the taiidan imperialists/turanics are experts in boarding ships of any kind. Especially when it comes to boarding covertly.


Nonetheless, this is the first chapter and I can be able to cut down the entire japanese appearances. However, the idea was still have everybody look western as well as eastern but I should be able to do this without the japanese terms.

You got the brains Sparki, and you sure got fantasy. You can make up your own dialect or such. When you first introduced them, you nailed it keeping it in the Homeworld-"world"... =D


So overral how I saw/see them... Just like the Hiigarans but a more militaristic culture and sense of duty/honour. But with a history filled with conflict between the two races which fuels prejudice and hate towards the individual taiidani/turanic. Overcome the anger and hate, and you will see that the both races shares much.

Hehe thanks man.
Yeah, I will try to bring back the homeworldy feel on the Delophane's bunch as well as the lost Taiidan Imperialists.

However, that is somewhat the reason why I decided to take more of a japanese feel on them because they were somewhat "Just another playable race" for HW1, meaning that it is hard to put a decent difference between them and the Hiigarans without making it so typical.

Nonetheless to avoid the long rambling, I will keep just a few japanese terms that at least sound good, like Delophane's little honor blade, the Kodachii. And see to it that I get more homeworldy names.

However I have to also develop a way that it is neither Hiigaran, nor Kiith Somtaaw, nor "Kushan-codenamed".

I guess they are even compatible to reproduce as the turanics are? (Lewl)

The short answer is yes, all are compatible ^^ but there is a twist there.
First off, fertility is a very lousy thing. In the ToVJ universe; Cosmic radiation is something that nobody can block. It is "not hazardous" but it greatly suppresses the birthrate of just about anything that can reproduce (planets with atmospheres raise the chance somewhat, animals are more resistant - but let's leave the animals out of this ).
Furthermore, ethic-crossovers are possible but certain pairings may have lower chances to "successfully conceive" (as whacked as it sounds). No spoils on who may have troubles but so far, there are no "differences" regarding where things are .

Taiidans = Hiigarans in physiology.
Turanics in general are compatible but it ain't easy .

The wilder Turanic Raiders (the real pillaging factions outside any ~somewhat-civilized Turanic bloodline) on the other hand rely on abduction of (mostly) women and men. Now some may think "oh awesome free women and party and party and FUNFUNFUNFUN!" - narp, they will be using machines, drugs and other things to raise the chance of successfully conceiving or receiving whatever reproductive gene material/cells are needed. This is the reason why they are commonly feared as "Breeders" (and one of the main reason why Fenna is terrified - more about that later in the story's continuatoin).
The Corsari Fealty does have such groups who are the "abductive" types (for instance the Turanic Marauder types) but there are also confusions regarding the nature of the "Corsari Breeders". This will be more or less explained in Chap 30 of Part II as soon as I finally get my head back into it hehe.

And The turanics. The way you gave them a Nordic feel and such fits them perfectly. You said they're no "Space Vikings", but the share helluva lot similarities with our Nordic history. The vikings raided, pillaged, kidnapped women to mate with. As do the turanics. But as you said yourself. You gave them the perfect amount of similarities towards the old vikings. And the the names gives them a feel of toughness, as the turanic ships mostly are. =)

Yeah, somewhere, they are pillagers but as said, the Turanics are broken down into myriads of factions or clans.

I wanted to break a bit the fact that all of them are just out to shoot, smash, chop, stomp. Some are surprisingly reasonable, others are bizarre and psychopathic (somewhat the Marauders) and others are simply pure evil and live for survival.
One thing that got me to think that they were more of the viking types was the Icon that was used in HWC when the Turanic Raiders tried to be bossy and took on the Beast, only to be infected and have that Heavy Battle Cruiser be assimilated.
The icon was some kind of War Axe that did have this viking look.

(Was also another favorite moment of mine, as Somtaaw Fleet Intel-Lady got mad - She sounded a lot more pissed in the German version, ironically).

However, the Corsari are more of a nordic type, just a bit - as well as the naming of their vessels.


Nonetheless -with all that said, I will rewrite this part and try to expand it with a more homeworld aspect of the Taiidan Empire. Yet I will need much more time to come up with something that is not like what I stated above.
I will have to come up with different names that will unfortunately be as I imagined the seperate Shogunate Fleetsto be.

I don't want them to be simple factions - kiithid are too big of a word. Clan is stricktly more for the Turanic factions. So there really has to be some creative thinking process there ^^.

[doberman211]

hey you made it! well no reviews yet from me but will soon. This week has been a bit hectic and haven't written at all. This weekend is likely to be busy too. So in due time I will get some reading done. I'm gonna finish it then post a really long review

So you said something about a rewrite of ToVJ 1. Is that what I'm reading right now or is that not released yet? or maybe I just read your post wrong. Either way I am really enjoying the story so far. I like the characters. As specially the Manaani xD I do think when the battle started happening near "celestial object" (avoiding major spoilers if possible) Ray was a little bit removed from the scene, then again it's understandable because of many reasons.

Anyway you can see me as a regular here doing some beta reader-type stuff or reviews. Ignore if i have more negative than positive because all in all it's very good, it's just talking about the good in too much detail doesn't exactly tell you how to improve on it. So there won't be any trolling or flaming from me just finding things that don't add up or correcting spelling and basic helpful stuff.

I'm really gonna have to figure out how to do those :spoilers: buttons for this.

Peace, Doberman211

[Sparki]

hey you made it! well no reviews yet from me but will soon. This week has been a bit hectic and haven't written at all. This weekend is likely to be busy too. So in due time I will get some reading done. I'm gonna finish it then post a really long review

So you said something about a rewrite of ToVJ 1. Is that what I'm reading right now or is that not released yet? or maybe I just read your post wrong. Either way I am really enjoying the story so far. I like the characters. As specially the Manaani xD I do think when the battle started happening near "celestial object" (avoiding major spoilers if possible) Ray was a little bit removed from the scene, then again it's understandable because of many reasons.

Hehe, it was based on your idea m8! ;D

Oh the ToVJ and others have not been re-written/"re-visioned" yet. I need to think things through thoroughly so I don't end up in the unfinished business syndrome like with that other fic. Sure take your time. Yes yes, by all means, add as much negative as you can. I'm sure there's lots of it.

The first revision that will likely happen prior to the first ToVJ installment would be the Delophane-story one (Life on Curse) thing as it is small. While the japanese stuff is fun to write and work with, kaffekokarn was right that it is far too earth-like and not homeword'ish. I really have to see into it that I make a "my version" of the Taiidan that is truthful to how the Imperials were but without, say, cloning something earth-like or anything alike the Taiidans depicted in other fanfictions.

Anyway you can see me as a regular here doing some beta reader-type stuff or reviews. Ignore if i have more negative than positive because all in all it's very good, it's just talking about the good in too much detail doesn't exactly tell you how to improve on it. So there won't be any trolling or flaming from me just finding things that don't add up or correcting spelling and basic helpful stuff.

Nah I would never ignore man ;D just hit me with what bugs you etc. As said above, kaffekokarn said things and it did open my eyes. Though I sort of noticed that there was too much of samuraii things going on, especially when I was conceptualizing the Shogunate Major vs the other dude in some kind of samurai-sword-showdown thing.

I'm really gonna have to figure out how to do those :spoilers: buttons for this.

I'm not sure but I think the new forum software doesn't have the button anymore (or it is hidden).

But the tages go

[ SPOILER="nameOfSpoiler_etc."]

*Text to be masked goes here*

[ /SPOILER]

^^^^
Take out the spaces after the first bracket. ^^

You just wrap it around . Just to make sure it works, use preview post to see the results.

I do think when the battle started happening near "celestial object" (avoiding major spoilers if possible) Ray was a little bit removed from the scene, then again it's understandable because of many reasons.

Aye, here you'd have to be more precise. I know which celestial object you mean and it may be true. The fight there was pretty quick and straight forward, however I'd also have to figure how I can expand it without too much detail - but one thing I can do is put some focus on the other Hiigaran fighters too. The only time they had more spotlight was towards the end of the fic.

[doberman211]

for some reason i can no longer post quick replies. it just wont let me type them.

I'm at chapter 9 right now so I'll start doing beta reader stuff starting at this point. Unless you want me to elaborate on what I thought so far. Which is all positive really. I didnt see any plot holes that i can remember reading a while ago. For some reason i kept picturing Aira as a redhead. I guess I was thinking of Arazis when I first tried visualising her xD. maybe giving a physical description of her earlier on?

But it really doesn't matter how people see the characters as it's good for everyone to have their own view of them. I see the Kushan as being more arabic-looking as they're desert dwellers, and the Turanic as being pale and tall due to being in no gravity for such long periods of time. also weak as i have them in a breathable liquid environment. the Kadeshi are, well basically

THIS

but that's my opinion because i felt like having them with weird nebula colored(white,pink,red) hair xD

Back to your stuff. I personally didn't mind having the Taiidan japanese but i do see how people would make too much of an Earthly connection with it. I guess you can just have some japanese in the background, not in the speech but keep them as Shoguns and have them being honorable and just some minor things that people would think give them a bit of a difference between Hiigarans. i don't speak japanese so I couldn't tell you my opinion on having the Taiidan language a bit japanese. (i only watch dubbed anime because i want to watch it not read it).

Anyway, I gotta go so just keep doing great.

And thanks for showing how the spoilers tags work

Peace, Doberman211

[Sparki]

And thanks for showing how the spoilers tags work

No problem !

Safety tag ;D

I'm at chapter 9 right now so I'll start doing beta reader stuff starting at this point. Unless you want me to elaborate on what I thought so far. Which is all positive really. I didnt see any plot holes that i can remember reading a while ago.

There is surely something broken somewhere . You are free to nitpick or even suggest stuff like you did with Aira and her looks/heritage. The plot is pretty much straightforward, but there is also a perspective bounce and focus between Aira and Hailynn (and later on another person). And as I progressed, I always added a new characters while the main plot kept rolling hehe.

But it really doesn't matter how people see the characters as it's good for everyone to have their own view of them. I see the Kushan as being more arabic-looking as they're desert dwellers, and the Turanic as being pale and tall due to being in no gravity for such long periods of time. also weak as i have them in a breathable liquid environment. the Kadeshi are -

But it really doesn't matter how people see the characters as it's good for everyone to have their own view of them. I see the Kushan as being more arabic-looking as they're desert dwellers, and the Turanic as being pale and tall due to being in no gravity for such long periods of time.

Yeah, it is great. Been always hoping that every writer would tag another name to the common Turanic Raider term.
Regarding our favorite pirates, I tried to bring several bloodlines/clans that are actually different in psyche and looks. It is easy to determine who belongs to who's clan as their (slightly) rigded foreheads are unique - The turanics of Delophane group are different than those from any other Turanic faction.
I wanted to split them up in a way that there are normal ones but of course also the deep space dwellers who are totally on the loose and wild. One thing I wanted to bring in was also the breeder factor. They not only try to abduct for gene-stealing matters, they require blood plasma as many clans and bloodlines suffer a rare sort of blood disease. Not all are affected by it but those who are need clean blood-plasma.
There will be more on that topic in chapter 30 as soon as I chew through the plot lines hehe.

There would be certain different classicifications based on Kushan/Hiigaran codenames or nicknames, like Turanic Raider, Corsair (Corsari actually), Marauder, and many others names based on the way of "kiith/clan" and nature. I like the liquid enviroment idea for those living too long in space. I should be able to apply it on some groups hehe.

For some reason i kept picturing Aira as a redhead. I guess I was thinking of Arazis when I first tried visualising her xD. maybe giving a physical description of her earlier on? -- the Kadeshi are, well basically
++ but that's my opinion because i felt like having them with weird nebula colored(white,pink,red) hair
++

Aira and Kadeshi

There was a change during the progress between Chapter 1 and 6 if I remember correctly. One was that Chrome suggested that her heritage should not be revealed until later on and that I should focus more on herself as a true foreigner. However, I think you are right that I did not describe her looks much.

Spoiler

Afaik, I think her haircolor is revealed around the ~14th chapter and again around the last one of that part.
Hehe, that redhead she is bonita °w°!
yeah, Kadeshi should have very bizarre hair colors as due (for my imagination) to the cosmic radition of the galaxy and the nebula. While not hazardous, it adjusts a few genes differently, causing these colors.

Aira in my imagination would have pale white hair -- but not just white, it is sort of a strange silky white that almost reflects the light. Some would be able to faintly see their mirror image in it as to show how rare and silky they are. Her eyes are likewise strange as they can change colors too.

Back to your stuff. I personally didn't mind having the Taiidan japanese but i do see how people would make too much of an Earthly connection with it. I guess you can just have some japanese in the background, not in the speech but keep them as Shoguns and have them being honorable and just some minor things that people would think give them a bit of a difference between Hiigarans. i don't speak japanese so I couldn't tell you my opinion on having the Taiidan language a bit japanese. (i only watch dubbed anime because i want to watch it not read it).

Aye, I won't add too much of the japanese stuff into as previously planned.
I will maintain the japanese names on blades. I think I should be able to replace the Shogun-names with a more homeworldy name based on the "Taiidan"-double ii thing hehe.

Yeah same here, well, bit more of original japanese, also picking up more and more words of their meaning. I will have to leave Delophane's japanese pronunciation in part 2-chapter ~26ish though until I finally figured a decent dialect/language for the job.

for some reason i can no longer post quick replies. it just wont let me type them.

Oow, I'm not sure but you might have to hit the reply button once so it activates the quick replay. Or if you have the scriptblocker addon for Firefox, you may have to allow one of scripts that is for Relicnewsforum -- but those would be more of a thing on my FF setup.

[doberman211]

nope im running chrome. it stopped working just recently. last week i believe. not a problem i'll just go advanced

I'll look through the previous chapters then to find some things.

Ah i agree to keep the fact that she's of a certain descent unknown until later on too. though i did figure it out beforehand. or i guessed anyway.

And you'd better tag that properly before anyone reads that xD

[Sparki]

ugh, battling a cold but I'm slowly recuperating.

/TOVJ Part II Chap 30
I was not able to look into it. I am still working on Delophane's LoC ~ more below.
I have the missing files that I wrote but will still require another while to mentally get back into the current flow of the story. There are also several fixes to be made as well as some further detail on the VJ and other sideplots. I've yet to decide if the Common Grounds Council thing should be something that should run over several days. I am not certain as this breaks up the previous ending I had in mind for this Part, but sometimes you have to drop things for the better. There are some topics that I need to take on.

~ Reports/Results of the confrontation. Revelation of several things.

~ Aira. (though I'd really want her to come last, but aside to her, Hesken has been in coma-mode for the past two or three days.)

~ The recovery/salvaging of the torn chunk from the dead Nebuli Somtaaw Carrier that was surged. There are some shiny-but-broken things to be found. However, I must be certain that I don't add any deus ex machina things or how you call it (basically things that are "suddenly useful and problem solving" in the future).

~ I want to also bring some insight on the Corsari culture, especially on their history as well as the current figures that are here; the Corsari Jorn (rescued by Aaron's entourage) and the Hjorndal - as these two are seperate things. I wish to connect these all together with the first true preliminary results of the two nerdy Amaji SAT-Scientists so that the entire topic is caught.
Also insight on the Corsari physiology

~ Crew issues. Surviving Somtaaw crewmen (featuring Mr. Baldy Bruce Willis dude from Chapter 21); the "corsari" Suderans - whose trust and honor are tainted by the betrayals during the previous battle;
~ Then of course, the entire flotilla has to figure where the hell they are .
And other things I forgot °w°!
Nonetheless, I have to break this all down in clear plots without rambling it to hell.


/LoC (Life on Curse)
Following the critique, I decided to revert my previous ideas and start from the beginning; foremost removing the heavy japanese influences of the fic. While I personally enjoyed the japanese stuff, it was actually getting out of hand and the japanese influence was after all too "earth like" - something that I've always been trying to avoid, at least when it comes to factions.

Thus, I've got the half of Chapter 1 / Part 1 of x done. I will see if I can complete it. I unfortunately caught a cold that robbed me of the creative mojo so I will need a bit. I will be focusing on LoC for a bit. Predominately, I will be reinventing terms that are more homeworld'ish than the previous japanese stuff. I also decided to grab a few inspirations from older threads that dealt with Taiidan language as well as the Wikia:

SOURCE: http://homeworld.wikia.com/wiki/Taiid-Ara

Taiidi-Ara is the Taiidan language named and created by Jaen-ni-rin with the cooperation of several Homeworld fans in 2005. The name "Taiidi-Ara" was supposed to mean "The Tongue of Taiids". However, the thread to create a more extensive documentation was active for only 12 days, and the dictionary eventually created was far from canon, although significant parts are drawn from canonical Hiigaran names. Currently, only the language's name is being used among fans, although it is often misspelled as Taiid-Ara.

Now I will still develop my own thing out of that, but make sure it is based on that specific etymology. At this point, I also decided to grab a few favorite words to play with.

As for now, Shogunate Fleets etc are removed and replaced with other names.
A Tenreii (inspired by Outlaw Star's "Hot Springs Planet Tenrei") is a Taiidan Fleet of a special nature. Regarding the new situation within the nebular Curse, these fleets follow their own independent agendas; whether for the good, neutral or bad. Many were forged and one could say that they are true factions (or even Kiithid). The need and greed for manpower, material and other things is a serious matter as everyday has its costs for their survival.
Note that I might have to remove the fact that some of the Imperial Taiidan fleets actually had found a planet. Although there are some nifty scifi ideas to play with.
One great issue of such Tenreii is the fact that they cannot survive forever in space. They do have to return the infected/desolate Mothership to grab the somewhat "remaining-but-infinite" resources of the colony ship. There are also always people waking up from their malfunctioning cryobeds too. Tenreii-Fleets are also usually forced to hide in the nebula and dispatch short-jump capable vessels to the Mothership. All tricky business.

okay, I think that was enough spoilage. there will be a thorough background by mr.narrative - hopefully around part 2 or 3 of x.

[Sparki]

Grrr, I was not able to edit my last post.

I just wanted to inform that Life on Curse Chapter 1 part 1 of x (whew) has been re-released with a more homeworld-Taiidan approach rather than the heavy japanese. Again, while the japanese influence probably was something unusual, it was in fact too earth-like and it was not really my intention at the end of the day.

As for now, ToVJ Part II will keep the japanese speech stuff until I finally get to revision it.


Next on the list is nonetheless the continuation of ToVJ's Chapter 30 (and possibly also the final conclusion - but I cannot promise it all ).


Stay tuned

[kaffekokarn]

I have stayed tuned since the I first came across your splendid work. I have no plans whatsoever to stop staying tuned

[doberman211]

Phew! I was finally able to finish the 11,000 words of ToVJ 1 Chapter 9. Took well over 2 hours, but totally worth it. Not much to report negatively though, all in all, very well played out. The setting is epic and my rich imagination felt like I was right there.

Beta Reader stuff. Contains Spoilers.

One thing though is I was confused a bit by the Vaygr being able to transmit not only to Ray's ship, but to the Hiigarans as well. Which would not really be that realistic as enemies would not want to speak to each other so casually while in the middle of a dogfight. Just a minor nitpick, but when the Vaygr are insulting Ray and giving their death threats, they wouldn't be heard by the Hiigarans who use different military frequencies for reasons. But hey I have a scene with inter-ship speech too with an interceptor and a swarmer though only in text form. No more spoilers to that though.

Oh and I thought the ending was exceptionally cool with the asteroid being torn apart by the waveform and transporting a chunk of ice along with the ship. Nice. xD

Either way, I'll be reading more soon enough

Oh and it's just on your thread that I can't type in quick replies. I can do them everywhere else so I don't know what's wrong :/ not a big deal though I'm not that lazy I prefer the advanced way anyway.

[Sparki]

Phew! I was finally able to finish the 11,000 words of ToVJ 1 Chapter 9. Took well over 2 hours, but totally worth it. Not much to report negatively though, all in all, very well played out. The setting is epic and my rich imagination felt like I was right there.

Thanks man !

yeah I know, the plot really got bloated into a chubby wall of text due to the fact that I have trouble articulating myself. Most of the time, it forces me to write some three sentences for something that could be said in a single stroke. I appreciate your work for checking things out. I fear my previous Betareader died somewhere around Chapter 9 or so hehe.

Vaygr <-> Hiigaran Communication

Oooow, I'm looking forward to that swarmer<-> ceptor speech. Hopefully it is all Garden-deity talk !

As for the Vaygr <-> Hiigaran (Amaji actually ^^ Not to be picky, just that the Amaji are an independent Kiith split from Hiigara - I will emphasize this in the revision)

I didn't think of it that way, you are right.
I had it imagined that the Vaygr would just use an open/broadband channel of some sort to just curse at Ray, but now that you mention it, the Vaygr would rather speak directly on a Vaygr-only military frequency - realistically speaking.

I think I can counter that issue by having the Amaji mechanics link in the Amaji radio-system with his Vaygr one to make it easier for him to communicate with the Vjel-Amaj. Maybe even have Kelsea be the one who came up with the smart idea - Orelis would wonder why they can hear the decoded Vaygr conversation and Kelsea would raise her hand hehe.

I just went through Chapter 9 and I actually noticed that Ray spoke a bit too "hiigaran TopGun" style when he told Kaydaana to "What her 'twelve'". I must change that as it is totally not-Vaygr.

Oh and it's just on your thread that I can't type in quick replies. I can do them everywhere else so I don't know what's wrong :/ not a big deal though I'm not that lazy I prefer the advanced way anyway.

Now that you mention it, I can't quickreply anymore either LoL!
I think I broke it ^^. Or there's some little option I did not check.

Thanks for reading/reviewing.

[doberman211]

Well, I'm at chapter 10 now, so I'll just continue on from there which is where he quit.

More stuff not for everyone

That's a way to explain Hiigaran - Vaygr chatter pretty well actually.

Now that you mention it, maybe Ray did speak a bit too Hiigaran ish in battle. Like he can say "Behind you Mananii!" instead of "Watch your six!" or "Look where you are flying fool!" for 12.

And the Kadeshi communication in-game between the ambassador is the only voice you'll be hearing Kushan - swarmer. It's...well you'll see.

[doberman211]

So I started working on that formatting and error correction stuff I talked about a while ago. I've got up to chapter 10 in a word document and will be working my magic over the next few days when I have time, since I'm in a mini writer's block on Exile's, but nothing serious that can't be cured with an hour or so of creative thinking. I get mini blocks every time they enter a long hyperspace jump. What to do for the next month... lol.

I'll tell you when I'm done.

[doberman211]

Alright done errors for chapter 1.

Oh and I have 3 invites for Archive of Our Own if you're interested in that. I'd need an email though so PM me if you want to. Still, the site is in beta and it's really not the greatest for views :/ though it's formatting capabilities are amazing. You can tag characters and stuff. So many options. But it still needs a few years to start up.

[doberman211]

Alright, I've finished chapter 10. I must say, it's amazingly done and leaves me wanting to keep reading , but homework prevents that tonight.

I've seen a few errors in writing but it's not that big a deal. I've made some corrections to them also.

EDIT: I've just finished chapter 11 now. Your chapters are long, but they keep people reading anyway, because they're just so damn good. There's grammar mistakes, missing words, words in the wrong order, but that's all minor details.

Not for readers

Dead organic substance...nice touch creepy but awesome. That game was so far the only game quite like it that's for sure.

The sleeping at the pilot station made me lol (not really it's midnight so i can't, but it was close)

The Kadeshi anatomy differences you also could have said that their bone structure is basically Kushan, but since they're in space for thousands of years, you could say that their bone density had decreased significantly, so the slap to the face could have been as damaging physically as a wrestler getting a punch to the jaw, and that with the combined effect of the Bentusi implants, she would be comatose for a while so maybe it's not such a good idea anyway xD.

I hate Pethera, which is a good thing because...well...she's a female of the k-9 variety really. Which is why Orelis is one of my favorite characters now.

Anyway, I'll probably find the time to read chapter 12 tomorrow (today technically) since it's only 4,000 words.

[Sparki]

Spoilerz be here ;D

Dead organic substance...nice touch creepy but awesome. That game was so far the only game quite like it that's for sure.

The sleeping at the pilot station made me lol (not really it's midnight so i can't, but it was close)

haha thanks.
I wanted to make sure that she was a rather unreliable pilot, although it is clear that she was exhausted.

There will be a silimilar scene in the next upload of Chapter 30/Part II.

The Kadeshi anatomy differences you also could have said that their bone structure is basically Kushan, but since they're in space for thousands of years, you could say that their bone density had decreased significantly, so the slap to the face could have been as damaging physically as a wrestler getting a punch to the jaw, and that with the combined effect of the Bentusi implants, she would be comatose for a while so maybe it's not such a good idea anyway xD.

Good point.
I wanted to put it in a way that the Bentusi implants and such actually keep her bone structure sturdy, but she is therefor as light as a feather. In a way, I insisted to twist it that while Hailynn most likely hit Aira like a truck, her "Lightweight" actually saved her from serious injury. Although, Hailynn's punch was more of a violent slap.
Nonetheless, it is important that I fix that part up.

It is a very good idea about the Kadeshi people having a decreased bone density. However, I insisted to have it more of a "weaker physical attribute". At the prologue/chapter 21 of Part II, there is an example of such.
I do not want Aira to be out of glass since that slap really would have snapped her neck.

LoL, that would have been funny (and scary) if Hailynn accidently did that ^^....

I hate Pethera, which is a good thing because...well...she's a female of the k-9 variety really. Which is why Orelis is one of my favorite characters now.

Yeah, Orelis' character was inspired by the Bridge-Command Dude from HW:Cataclysm and of course any other random cynical dude.
He is fun to write for me - just like Deena (you'll see her soon enough heh). :>

Anyway, I'll probably find the time to read chapter 12 tomorrow (today technically) since it's only 4,000 words.

No rush m8 !
I insist to complete Book 1 and get right into Book 2.

I hope I can come up with ideas that could help out.

=======================

Blog 30th of October 2011

ToVJ, Part II, Chapter 30 progress

~ D'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
I forgot to add Velle's arrival prior to the beginning of the meeting. She was supposed to appear just after the gag filler with Drayson and the Turanic Marauder siblings.
To avoid adding her just like that by editing, I think it is better she has a time on her own (or a segment about her character).
I want to reveal a few things about her as she had always been in the shadow. She also have a secret or two I wish to reveal and I think I have an idea.

Unfortunately, I figured the entire plots at this moments are fillers, so I will try to work with spoiler tags so that the readers know what is the actual main plot and what is on the side.

I think it is safe to announce the current (sub)plots - See it as teasers:

- Common Grounds meeting; will still have a bouncy start. ^^ (and man, Orelis really needs a bath /sigh)

- Aaron Salico going nuts. Delophane really messed him up, but there appears to be a lot that is troubling the young man.
Orelis learns that Aaron is undergoing some serious psychological trouble and with his hands tied behind his back as a Commander in the middle of delicate talks, he is stuck. He desperately needs to find somebody who can help the marine before it is too late.
But if Doctor Jonas is stuck as well, who can assist...?

- Velle insisting not to bug the others and just tell them that she will head back. But she needs help finding the way although the path is visibly hinted. Vayn will come along and they talk about things regarding Hailynn.

- Osna visiting the Corsari.
More about the Corsari culture, specifically the seperate clan that serves onboard the rusty Hjorndal destroyer.

- Aira and Hesken
I still have to figure when they should wake up. I've been dragging them too long around in sleep mode .


- Like an hour or two later,
The flotilla insists to begin initial explorations of the Nebuli Somtaaw wreckage (remember the chunk of the Carrier that was torn along ?)
The vessels will undock from the Darugis and slowly travel to it as the others continue the meeting.
This will allow me to have some more fun with Kelsea and Drayson as newbie junior-Bridge Commanders . Haha.


****

ToVJ Part III, IV and FRIGGIN NUMBERS beyond.

Okay, so I have plot done for the next part.
BUT, getting there is a bit of a trouble.

I am not certain if I should at a part regarding the Flotilla's path to that place.
Let's just say that the Flotilla would be exploring their surroundings in space first before actually getting to Part III.
Regarding the numbers, its kind of like a Part II -and-a-half.
However, I don't want to be flooding the fanfic area solely with half finished fics... oooooh equatorial hells!, why not ;P!?

Anyhow, the explorating thing could bring in some calm times or at least more about VJ as a science ship rather than bouncing from one massacre-war to another.

****

~ Life on Curse continuation
Plot was reimagined so that it is no longer influenced by japanese stuff other than single objects or names.


I wish to conclude the plot on Delophane's maniac Tenreii Major, too.


I will edit this post maybe ;D so stay tuned.

[Sparki]

~ TOVJ Part II
So far so good. The recent update was whoopin' 70 pages but it was worth it. For the lulz, it is still not done but I'm getting there :>.
The key point of all that talk was to conclude some of the things that were open ever since the intro of Part II.
The current stand of things is also the title of the chapter. Nonetheless, I want to conclude that somewhat, so the epilogue can finally initiate Part III (actualyl part IV !) ; There will be some conclusions at the end, too. There will be a few surprises and changes.

Without spoiling, Chapter 30's next part update will include some first teamwork between all vessels of the flotilla.
As a small teaser, the flotilla figures nearby that certain vessels have suffered damages to their hulls and of course stress to their hyperdrives that require maintenance, but parts are limited. Some suggest abandoning the Regausa-Maru after slaughtering it of its meat and leave the carcass behind. The remaining Viir-Bror Somtaaw (hmm, maybe need to invent a Viir-Somtaaw or so for shorts... or "Boars" hur hur) will of course protest.

Yet somebody makes a suggestion: There is that ripped wreckage-chunk of the nebuli carrier, right...?


~ LOC
The continuation has stalled a bit due to focusing a bit more on TOVJ but don't worry, it is not vaporware.
However, I am sort of considering to add a bit of "lost memory" to cut in a bit. Yet this might be more of an evasive way to avoid having to explain scenes, thus resulting in plotholes. Nah, I think it is better I write up the scenes completely without leaving out too much detail.

Still, there may be "obvious scenes and moments" regarding certain things, just to artificially dramatize stuff, but I will keep it limited. After all, it should be about creative writing, not cliché writing ^^.


~ TOVJ Part III
There was one more alteration of my previous plan.
It is going to be a bit more weird and I don't know if it is "realistically possible". I looked up a lot of things and of course, there are some factors in reality that make my idea somewhere impossible. While it could work out in another way, it will be pretty bizarre. Then again, HW is sci-fi.
I will try to keep it as authentic as possible nonetheless. Narp, no spoilers hehe !

Nothing has been finalized yet, but the Introduction shouldn't be that far from getting done 'n' posted.
Just to warn, it will be a "step to the future" and then a "step back to the present"; so more or less, there will be a jump to the future one time. It is important because I want to give the fic a different and calmer storytelling. It will be somewhere alike Delophane's approach in LOC. While that person speaks from their perspective, other evens will be presented as "how it all happened". I know having 1st person become omniscient (spelling) is a common mistake but I'd really hate to miss out on those details.

[kaffekokarn]

^This.

[kaffekokarn]

Moved from "= HW2 = "Tales of the Vjel-Amaj: Part II" *Chapter 30 - Part 3 of x*"



"Cooperation", "cooperate" = "samarbete", "samarbeta". Also "samverkan".
"work together" = "arbeta tillsammans/gemensamt" (literal translation)

As to going too far. Using different words scarcely like you do right now works really well. Still, must say; your work, your decision. Don't let me nor anyone tell you otherwise.

EDIT: Well the ranks. There is much likeness to the english names. English is very influenced by the "fornnordiska" years. Dunno about military ranks. Still, you can see the similarities.

But here comes the ranks, or "grader":

Menig -Private
Menig 1 klass -Private First Class
Vicekorpral -Lance Corporal
Korpral -Corporal
Sergeant -Lance Sergeant
Förste sergeant -Sergeant
Fänrik -Second Lieutenant
Fanjunkare -Staff Sergeant
Löjtnant -Lieutenant
Förvaltare -W.O. II
Kapten -Captain
Major -Major
Regementsförvaltare -W.O. I
Överstelöjtnant -Lieutenant Colonel
Överste -Colonel
Överste 1. graden -Brigdier
Brigadgeneral -Brigadier General
Generalmajor -Major General
Generallöjtnant -Lieutenant General
General -General

This is the Army ranks. You want the navy ranks, just ask.

I just thought of a weapon system thats rather known. Thats the Carl Gustaf: Granatgevär m/48, "Grg" for short. It's a recoilless antitank weapon but also used for bunkerbusting, smokescreens and flare..
Then there is the machineguns: "Kulspruta" or "Ksp". (Ksp90 5.56mm, Ksp58 7.62mm, Grksp 40mm, Tksp 12.7mm)

[Sparki]

Thanks for posting !

haha, I think that is the first time I ever got "this"'d in my life.
Oh yes, why not Maybe just list the naval ones that are unfamiliar?

Menig, Fänrik (Although it reminds me of Fähnrich which is Ensign in German) do sound stylish ! maybe there are others that sound similar.


Ah yes, several rank names do sound common. I suppose I can use or develop a few names out of the ones you listed - hopefully not too bizarrely.
I will try to keep it simple and add just a bit of norse-tones to it.

I like the "arbeta" term - I think that could fit well with the Flotilla's name. I have to see what second term could fit to make it sound authentic, but arbeta is great !


I will keep the "recoiless" tech in mind because that is something the flotilla will have to research and conceptualize.
I wanted it all to be sort of like in XCOM. The Common Grounds + Reports would discover several issues, especially regarding the confrontation of one deadly asset of the Nebuli Somtaaw heavy combat suits. In this case, these suits are alike the WH40k's Space Marine suit but more on a terrifying and realistic style.

Alike in XCOM, there would be some simultaneous research after the issues and problems are analyzed. Concepts, solutions need to be developed.
Aside to just talking, they will spread the work throughout the flotilla and analyze various things - from the weapons, the experiences/confrontations, the actual suits, to some "forensic/autopsy" work regarding the unknown wore these hulking things.
And that would be some sort of introduction to the Arbeta's teamwork thing. It would be slow and sluggish but they will uncover secrets and other bizarre things of the past, present and possible future .

So aside to serious issues and the need to develop new tactics (and probably "new EVERYTHING") to counter such foe, the flotilla must also develop weapons and procedures. There will be troubles though. It is not like "invent a superweapon and you win"... ;D

But yeah, recoiless-tech sounds great. I have tons of ideas but I have to figure who they can be realized because the flotilla does not actually have the "resources" (other than a few stocks). They have to figure how to obtain resources, but first by changing their current mindsets.


Part II and a half?
But ooow, this could bloat the next parts up, delaying the friggin end of Part II.

I don't think it is necessary to make "a Part II and a 1/2" although it would at least cover the transition to part III. Yet, I have no idea if can keep it up with the "10 Chapters" thing. Also, I wanted to bring the story forward.

I don't think I can write a II-and-a-half along with Part III and the Life on Curse fic because each would hinder each others progress (plus LOC needs love)

But hmm...
On the other hand, all the stuff I am writing about in Chapter 30's chunky partial updates right now are quite lengthy and are actually "beyond the Corsari/Nebuli Somtaaw conflict".


Heh, decisions decisions!


TOVJ PART II (end): Current Cast

Hmm, I've noticed that there was a spike on notorious characters and factions towards the end of Part II. Thought I'd write up a compiled list about who is who and a bit of a description. Should help me a bit to keep in mind who is who.

TOVJ Part II end cast

TOVJ Part II - Conclusion-Cast.
"Vjel-Amaj" cruiser

VJ faction:

[MIA] Hailynn Delixa - Former Commander
Aira - Entity/Sensory ("Operative")
Orelis Nabaal - Commander
Rolan Drayson - Sub-Lieutenant / 2nd in command
Kelsea Amaj - Ensign /3rd in command (giggles)
Brogan (kiith heritage n/a) - Chief Engineer


Quan Amaj - Chief Astronomer (SAT)
Sunoga Amaj - Supervisory Astrogator (Astro Navigator)
Koji Amaj - Surveillance operative

Kaydaana Manaan/Gaalsi - LT. Colonel (Currently suspended from duty by Doctor Jonas; Vayn's wife)

Fenna Amaj - Senior Helmswo-- not quite...


[MIA] Deena Amaj - Chief Logistics
Rico Amaj - Chief Logistics
Jonas - Chief Medical Doctor (Sickbay/Infirmary)


VJ SAT aka Science division:
[MIA] Tsuji Amaj - Science Director (Archeology)
Ebria Delzin Amaj - Lead Scientist (Physics)
Gredan Zedmir Amaj - Lead Scientist (Chemistry)

Osna Ontaria Amaj - Supervisory AI-Expert (Drone Interfacing)

VJ Minor Characters/Non-Amaji-VJ Faction:

Hiigaran-Vaygr families (survivors/refugees)
Tairanic clan (Delophane and co; Imperial Taiidan surrenders/"P.o.W." somewhat)

Hesken Delixa - Little sister of Hailynn and Athaniell (no title or such yet)
Athaniell Delixa - Hiigaran Imperial Major

[Darugis] Vayn Baxtor Gaalsi (Gaalsi tribe leader; Kaydaana's husband)
Ray - Vaygr strikecraft veteran (still somewhat a POW as well)
"Cookie" - Mess Hall Chef


Amaji security / marine division:

Aaron Salico (Marine Corporal; current head of security/marine team)

Private "[TBA]" (Marine Private)

Private Hilessa (Marine Private)


- Teams of Amaji militia troopers (Providence policemen)
Lorne (Policeman, supervisory)

*

Lance Frigates:

- Kiith Amaj Escort Frigate "Sejun-No"; commanded by Frigate Captain Miur DaCowl

- Kiith Amaj Escort Frigate "Sebun-No" commanded by Frigate Captain Amalia Tegron

***

Corsari Destroyer "Hjorndal"; of Corsari clan Hjorndal

[KIA] Captain Tamrn (Former Jarl)

Hanjur Corsari (Corsari Third; current Jarl/Lord Captain)
Haruk

Various Thirds-in-Command
Corsari-Suderan bloodlines throughout crew.


Outer Corsari factions:

- rescued civilian clan; Corsari Jorn clan
Jrenjor Jorn (uncle of Ikor)

Krezkor Jorn (civilian)


- small Corsari Military unit that occupies the Regausa-Maru
Lead by a Corsari Third (not of Hjordal clan)

Harek (elder servitor, envoy of Kroll and the Corsari Will)

***

Somtaaw Destroyer "Regausa-Maru"; of Somtaaw Enclave Viir-Bror


subdued Somtaaw crew:
[KIA] Senior Officer staff

Iodan Somtaaw (Viir-Bror agent/interrogator; current "officer" in command)

Viir-Bror surviving crew

***

Somtaaw Deep Space Industrial Carrier "Darugis; Gaalsi-Siidim tribe

Crew:
Vayn Baxtor (chosen Gaalsi tribe leader)
Beylo Siidim (chosen Siidim tribe leader)

Tribesmen and women of the Gaalsiidim

Somtaaw naval crewmen (non-Viir-Bror)

***

Kiith Sjet cult / (unnamed) Corporation Mining Corvette "Hive";

[MIA] Sjet'Pitet (Leader)


Sjet'Sren/Doctor Pethera Sjet (Leader, scientist, cultist)

[MIA] Industrialist/CEO/Prospector Asad Paktu (Mining Foreman)

Sjet'Nij Asaku and Kitaiiku Sjet (adolescent Sjeti cultist members, Stargazers/Calculators, siblings)

***

Turanic Marauder corvette "Rock Roach/Scoundrel"

Orson "Groove Digger" Kurodende (Pilot, apparently leader, sibling of Gelza and Galdo)

Galdo "Chunk" Kurodende (Pilot, sibling of Orson and Gelza)

Mili'yadis Aletka Gelza Korudende; "Gelza" (pilot, sibling of Orson and Galdo


~Hope I didn't forget any notorious clans/ships/people

PS:
Damn, maybe it is better to make a part II and a half after all.

It would allow me to expand on the character developments and the flotilla without having to think "Oh I gotta end this chapter finally". I guess it would delay Part III truly but I suppose it is better that way.

Anti Wall of Text Post Spoiler - Press here :D

Part III will be so fun and stuff - wacky, but something new.

Maybe I should also take the chance to split the Part II story
between the time
[Hailynn wake up to bringing the Pride of Kharak to Kroll/Perdita Star System]

and

[Nebuli Somtaaw's incursion/ambush to Flotilla "So where are we?"]

I won't do a revision yet. I know there are a lot of quirky mishaps as the story progressed (Especially about the Darugis changing its ship class like 5 times lol!)


But just to add to Chapter 30, now that I thought about it.
I must leave it this way after all. There is an ending that I want to be part of this Chapter and Part. It would not work if I remove all the other stuff.

More to come .


And oooow,
the to-do liststill have things collecting dust :

- "Life On Curse" continuation
- Split Part II to two separate parts
- Continue TOVJ

- Continue "Meet the xyz" fun stories; these should have a seperate thread, in my opinion. But after a revision.
- Continue/update the wikia articles; slightly entered a Hiatus as the writing just kept coming. I want the "TOVJ compendium" to be a decent background readup on stuff so I don't have to explain them in the fic with so much wall of text.

Future stuff:
- REVISION/Reinvent Part I -> Part II
- Clean up
- Write write write


oof okay that was a lot

----------

Thanks for posting !

haha, I think that is the first time I ever got "this"'d in my life.
Oh yes, why not Maybe just list the naval ones that are unfamiliar?

Menig, Fänrik (Although it reminds me of Fähnrich which is Ensign in German) do sound stylish ! maybe there are others that sound similar.


Ah yes, several rank names do sound common. I suppose I can use or develop a few names out of the ones you listed - hopefully not too bizarrely.
I will try to keep it simple and add just a bit of norse-tones to it.

I like the "arbeta" term - I think that could fit well with the Flotilla's name. I have to see what second term could fit to make it sound authentic, but arbeta is great !


I will keep the "recoiless" tech in mind because that is something the flotilla will have to research and conceptualize.
I wanted it all to be sort of like in XCOM. The Common Grounds + Reports would discover several issues, especially regarding the confrontation of one deadly asset of the Nebuli Somtaaw heavy combat suits. In this case, these suits are alike the WH40k's Space Marine suit but more on a terrifying and realistic style.

Alike in XCOM, there would be some simultaneous research after the issues and problems are analyzed. Concepts, solutions need to be developed.
Aside to just talking, they will spread the work throughout the flotilla and analyze various things - from the weapons, the experiences/confrontations, the actual suits, to some "forensic/autopsy" work regarding the unknown wore these hulking things.
And that would be some sort of introduction to the Arbeta's teamwork thing. It would be slow and sluggish but they will uncover secrets and other bizarre things of the past, present and possible future .

So aside to serious issues and the need to develop new tactics (and probably "new EVERYTHING") to counter such foe, the flotilla must also develop weapons and procedures. There will be troubles though. It is not like "invent a superweapon and you win"... ;D

But yeah, recoiless-tech sounds great. I have tons of ideas but I have to figure who they can be realized because the flotilla does not actually have the "resources" (other than a few stocks). They have to figure how to obtain resources, but first by changing their current mindsets.


Part II and a half?
But ooow, this could bloat the next parts up, delaying the friggin end of Part II.

I don't think it is necessary to make "a Part II and a 1/2" although it would at least cover the transition to part III. Yet, I have no idea if can keep it up with the "10 Chapters" thing. Also, I wanted to bring the story forward.

I don't think I can write a II-and-a-half along with Part III and the Life on Curse fic because each would hinder each others progress (plus LOC needs love)

But hmm...
On the other hand, all the stuff I am writing about in Chapter 30's chunky partial updates right now are quite lengthy and are actually "beyond the Corsari/Nebuli Somtaaw conflict".


Heh, decisions decisions!


TOVJ PART II (end): Current Cast

Hmm, I've noticed that there was a spike on notorious characters and factions towards the end of Part II. Thought I'd write up a compiled list about who is who and a bit of a description. Should help me a bit to keep in mind who is who.

TOVJ Part II end cast

TOVJ Part II - Conclusion-Cast.
"Vjel-Amaj" cruiser

VJ faction:

[MIA] Hailynn Delixa - Former Commander
Aira - Entity/Sensory ("Operative")
Orelis Nabaal - Commander
Rolan Drayson - Sub-Lieutenant / 2nd in command
Kelsea Amaj - Ensign /3rd in command (giggles)
Brogan (kiith heritage n/a) - Chief Engineer


Quan Amaj - Chief Astronomer (SAT)
Sunoga Amaj - Supervisory Astrogator (Astro Navigator)
Koji Amaj - Surveillance operative

Kaydaana Manaan/Gaalsi - LT. Colonel (Currently suspended from duty by Doctor Jonas; Vayn's wife)

Fenna Amaj - Senior Helmswo-- not quite...


[MIA] Deena Amaj - Chief Logistics
Rico Amaj - Chief Logistics
Jonas - Chief Medical Doctor (Sickbay/Infirmary)


VJ SAT aka Science division:
[MIA] Tsuji Amaj - Science Director (Archeology)
Ebria Delzin Amaj - Lead Scientist (Physics)
Gredan Zedmir Amaj - Lead Scientist (Chemistry)

Osna Ontaria Amaj - Supervisory AI-Expert (Drone Interfacing)

VJ Minor Characters/Non-Amaji-VJ Faction:

Hiigaran-Vaygr families (survivors/refugees)
Tairanic clan (Delophane and co; Imperial Taiidan surrenders/"P.o.W." somewhat)

Hesken Delixa - Little sister of Hailynn and Athaniell (no title or such yet)
Athaniell Delixa - Hiigaran Imperial Major

[Darugis] Vayn Baxtor Gaalsi (Gaalsi tribe leader; Kaydaana's husband)
Ray - Vaygr strikecraft veteran (still somewhat a POW as well)
"Cookie" - Mess Hall Chef


Amaji security / marine division:

Aaron Salico (Marine Corporal; current head of security/marine team)

Private "[TBA]" (Marine Private)

Private Hilessa (Marine Private)


- Teams of Amaji militia troopers (Providence policemen)
Lorne (Policeman, supervisory)

*

Lance Frigates:

- Kiith Amaj Escort Frigate "Sejun-No"; commanded by Frigate Captain Miur DaCowl

- Kiith Amaj Escort Frigate "Sebun-No" commanded by Frigate Captain Amalia Tegron

***

Corsari Destroyer "Hjorndal"; of Corsari clan Hjorndal

[KIA] Captain Tamrn (Former Jarl)

Hanjur Corsari (Corsari Third; current Jarl/Lord Captain)
Haruk

Various Thirds-in-Command
Corsari-Suderan bloodlines throughout crew.


Outer Corsari factions:

- rescued civilian clan; Corsari Jorn clan
Jrenjor Jorn (uncle of Ikor)

Krezkor Jorn (civilian)


- small Corsari Military unit that occupies the Regausa-Maru
Lead by a Corsari Third (not of Hjordal clan)

Harek (elder servitor, envoy of Kroll and the Corsari Will)

***

Somtaaw Destroyer "Regausa-Maru"; of Somtaaw Enclave Viir-Bror


subdued Somtaaw crew:
[KIA] Senior Officer staff

Iodan Somtaaw (Viir-Bror agent/interrogator; current "officer" in command)

Viir-Bror surviving crew

***

Somtaaw Deep Space Industrial Carrier "Darugis; Gaalsi-Siidim tribe

Crew:
Vayn Baxtor (chosen Gaalsi tribe leader)
Beylo Siidim (chosen Siidim tribe leader)

Tribesmen and women of the Gaalsiidim

Somtaaw naval crewmen (non-Viir-Bror)

***

Kiith Sjet cult / (unnamed) Corporation Mining Corvette "Hive";

[MIA] Sjet'Pitet (Leader)


Sjet'Sren/Doctor Pethera Sjet (Leader, scientist, cultist)

[MIA] Industrialist/CEO/Prospector Asad Paktu (Mining Foreman)

Sjet'Nij Asaku and Kitaiiku Sjet (adolescent Sjeti cultist members, Stargazers/Calculators, siblings)

***

Turanic Marauder corvette "Rock Roach/Scoundrel"

Orson "Groove Digger" Kurodende (Pilot, apparently leader, sibling of Gelza and Galdo)

Galdo "Chunk" Kurodende (Pilot, sibling of Orson and Gelza)

Mili'yadis Aletka Gelza Korudende; "Gelza" (pilot, sibling of Orson and Galdo


~Hope I didn't forget any notorious clans/ships/people

PS:
Damn, maybe it is better to make a part II and a half after all.

It would allow me to expand on the character developments and the flotilla without having to think "Oh I gotta end this chapter finally". I guess it would delay Part III truly but I suppose it is better that way.

Anti Wall of Text Post Spoiler - Press here :D

Part III will be so fun and stuff - wacky, but something new.

Maybe I should also take the chance to split the Part II story
between the time
[Hailynn wake up to bringing the Pride of Kharak to Kroll/Perdita Star System]

and

[Nebuli Somtaaw's incursion/ambush to Flotilla "So where are we?"]

I won't do a revision yet. I know there are a lot of quirky mishaps as the story progressed (Especially about the Darugis changing its ship class like 5 times lol!)


But just to add to Chapter 30, now that I thought about it.
I must leave it this way after all. There is an ending that I want to be part of this Chapter and Part. It would not work if I remove all the other stuff.

More to come .


And oooow,
the to-do liststill have things collecting dust :

- "Life On Curse" continuation
- Split Part II to two separate parts
- Continue TOVJ

- Continue "Meet the xyz" fun stories; these should have a seperate thread, in my opinion. But after a revision.
- Continue/update the wikia articles; slightly entered a Hiatus as the writing just kept coming. I want the "TOVJ compendium" to be a decent background readup on stuff so I don't have to explain them in the fic with so much wall of text.

Future stuff:
- REVISION/Reinvent Part I -> Part II
- Clean up
- Write write write


oof okay that was a lot

[kaffekokarn]

Örlogskapten (from örlog, Old Norse word for war. "krig") equivalent to Korvettenkapitän.

[Sparki]

Thanks

I will see if I can use that term and the others for when the Corsari refer to foreign ranks .
Just to get on the nerves of other non-Corsari.

Forgot somebody

And I just figure that I forgot about Arkin, the Corsari Sentry of Kroll and Storviik - The one who afterwards kills the true Nebuli Somtaaw traitor aka the Agate Falcon. I must somehow get him into the story. Ugh, I guess that is a sign I have way too many active characters XD. Nonetheless, I will just have him be hidden amidst the people who need treatment. I won't give him the total mental breakdown, but there will be something alike - but more of the "Corsari version".
Don't forget, he shot his love actually, a once loyal Corsari who apparently was Nebuli Somtaaw.

I am not sure if it is logical that they took her corpse along - as I wanted some things clarified / as well as have the forensic stuff do some examinations. But this would not quite work without any plausible reason. Unless Arkin carried her corpse.


---

And speaking of forgetting, I forgot something Deena left behind for everybody else and Aaron. Aaron has a small-something from her .

[Sparki]

Yes Bloody Turranic Craptoid :::: I finished AIRA's QUEST Finally
Realy loved Read it on an off for two and a halve weeks and really enjoyed it so many things happened while they were away and flying in the Maranda Sytem that strange and probably very old system, loved the part about the Turranics and the Taidani ( Realy wanted to take a look at their fleet< Turranic/Taidani Battelcruisers anyone> and their social ways since they stated of from a colony ship)

THE KADESHSI SEEKERS nice idea was a bit shocked about the numbers of Kadeshi as a whole, but Still Frakking Great

Thanks SPARKI this was a very good read and one that i will recomend for YEARS !!!!!!

I am very pleased to hear you liked it.
And reading so fast despite the mind-bogging length .


I think canon-wise on HW1 , the Turanics more of a rogue nation that was only loosely affiliated with the Taidan Empire.
However, I wanted to develop my version of Turanics and just have them as an addition that have sympathized with Taidans more closely. Yes, the combined colony fleet was imagined to be HUGE, consisting of two motherships and a breathtaking number Turanic and Taiidan vessels.

It is my intention to develop and show how it was (or what it once was and collapsed to) in the "Life on Curse" fic of Delophane.



To do list
Got to continue on Doberman's fic!!11

Seekers - Kadeshi seekers, not Amaji Seekers ;D

As of Part II, there is the phrase of Amaji seekers. The Amaji and Kadeshi seekers are two different things - just to add in on the side note

Agreed, the Kadeshi Seekers are a bit huge in number. However, I wanted to tie them solely to the fact that they were on the Titanic worldship that was dispatched to discover the truth of one of many beliefs of their culture. It is very spiritual and actually extreme for a nation to that but after all they are Kadeshi and this Homeworld (and a fanon).

I would find it sad if the canon said the HW1 kushan fleet actually wiped out the Kadeshi from existence. It would have been "realistic" though, if they were always bound to the three sole Kadeshi needleships though - in my opinion, that is.
But then again, I found it better that there would be several loose religious factions throughout the treacherous nebula (lol, all my nebulas are treacherous )

Not all are mad, but there is a lot of madness in there.

haha, thanks Kaffekokarn.

Question to the readers of the later Part II chapers:

What do you think of the music/youtube themes selections I added into the fanfics?
- Do they fit the plot for them being game music?
- Do you like/hate them (or do you even click on the themes)?

Please post your opinions!!1

The music selections are mostly from game soundtracks like Homeworld series, Deus Ex 1, Soldier of Fortune 1 and two, and other animes and stuff. They are to give an impression on moments or situations.

Predominately, I like to use the Homeworld Cataclysm background music.
Especially the ones from the Tactical Officer lady, the "Situational Reports".
SITREPs will commonly be told from Ensign Kelsea Amaj's point of view.

I want to develop her character more on the sense of a somebody who is not the usual notorious hero like some Capta

Actually, I will use this post to give a bloggy update.

BLOG UPDATE 21st of DECEMBER 2011 - Plans

I am back "home" for some 20days so I have use the time to really get the stories going. A lot was conceptualized as I was on the plane.

TOVJ Part II

- Common Grounds continued.
- Fluff added about food and survival principles of the vessel

Okay, so it is clear that I am trying to end part II/Chapter 30. There won't be such a major cliffhanger but more of the ending like Part I. A thoughtful one.




TOVJ Part II and a half?

There would be plothole somewhat that would be between part II and III if it were to go as I conceptualized it previously.

There is a small plot I developed that could be cool, but it would hold back the great ideas I have been drooling to write for an eternity. Especially about the development of Aira and Hesken (and many other characters). Not to mention where the "Arbeta _______" flotilla will end up.
Hmm, I don't like giving spoilers or act like it will be great but I think it will be interesting; at least to write about.


Anyhow, this Part II-and-half inbetweener would delay the greater plot ideas. Then again, there are ideas that could be prematurely introduced that were actually for the episodic storytelling of Part III.


Note, Part III will be called "Orelis' Report"; our favorite nabaali commander will be sitting a long while in the captain's quarters as he records his "captain's log".

Okay, without spoiling much on this possible Part II 1/2:

- There would be something of a "Dissent among equals" plot.
We are talking here about a slight mutiny attempt amongst Amaji crewmen of the Vjel-Amaj; the Viirbror Somtaaw "prisoners" of the Corsari and a bit of the tribesmen of the Darugis. This will be due to the discovery of things, a false decision of Orelis and other small events.

- Introduction of a race that will actually lead to the Part III
As you know, the Homeworld universe is full of people hunting for new Homeworlds (and it is my thriving thing to always give that feeling). Let's just say that the Arbeta flotilla decides to venture with this space faring race and help them find their "Homeworld" which is not that "far far away".

It would take that small faction of settlers another 200 years but thanks to the astrogation and FTL of the flotilla, they would reach their destination much sooner in a matter of a month or two. Therefore, things would go loco for a bit at the beginning of Part III.

- Introduction of a "major but minor :P" faction
The Arbeta flotilla will discover that the region they are at is part of a major sovereignty.
While not immediately hostile, the presence of the flotilla does show that things could get out of hand if they stay too long.


There are other little ideas but let me try to avoid putting too much information.
My other problem is if I should right BOTH stories simultaneously; so while we have Orelis and Part III going on, there would be the inbetween-story.

Then again, I am already writing about Life on Curse and even that was postponed several times.
But in the end, I should just try to write what I can and upload it, even if it is unfinished business.

After all, it's not like there is a rule on these boards holding me back ^^.
I'd want to avoid spamming this board area solely with my fics, but in the end, you can't free the fish from water. So I guess I will just write and post all the stories I have in mind, even if I can only start with the intro.

Stories to write....
Minor stories:
- Hailynn as a frontier-marine at the distant colony of Kyori X (or was it XI?!)

- Vayn/Beylo's survival story as "slaves" who crashed on a planet with many other Hiigarans on a desert/barren planet -- well, maybe more desert since it has to have an atmosphere, but the star of that solar system is VIOLENT.

- Deena's early life?
lol that would be just too much and too crazy ;D


Major stories:
- Hailynn's life as an Ensign Helmswoman and her life surviving on the "Talon-Vo" assault frigate with Captain Soban (and later Orelis too) in the war against Makaan's will and the Vaygr Crusades. Would also feature the life of Amaji Prime before the Kiith Amaj was born.

- Homeworld: Cataclysm; based on the style of Doberman211's approach in his respective fic "Exile's Return"; where the plot follows the actual storyline of the game but in a very awesome way of telling it. Hope I can learn (and freely use) how to write in that particular sense. So yeah, it would follow the storyline of HW:C but bringing in some more names but also plots that were not involved.
Somewhere, I am thinking if I should the characters I developed for TOVJ's Somtaaw KUN-LAAN; being that Ensora Jaas Somtaaw as Tactical Officer woman and the Commander Cotaur Somtaaw as Fleet Command Dude - the two voices you hear most of the time in the cutscenes.

// note Actually, I imagined Orelis' voice actor and appearance to be close to the HW:C Fleet Command dude. The voice is very fitting and cool. But regarding the stories, Orelis and the Somtaaw dude would be two different people of course.
Why retell the Cata story? It would be more of a basis of how Ensora and Cotaur survived the BEAST infestation.

Speaking which,
what would you guys think about of a story I would cald "Homeworld: Apocalypse".
Ensora and Cotaur AFTER Somtaaw succeeding against the Beast.

If you remember how it was told in Part II of TOVJ:
The Somtaaw mining vessel KUN-LAAN was on its return to the Hiigara as all Kiith vessels maintain an honorable row as the Kun-Lann slowly flies between them. But then, unlike in the cutscene where "all is good and over", the Kuun-Lann and a very small flotilla suddenly engages hyperdrives and vanishes.

Why did this happen?
As the Beast incursions took place, Hiigara was being plagued by a viral sickness that was not caused by the Beast.
Logics say that the Hiigarans (or actually Kushans) received this long before on Kharak as a lurking bomb.

Anyhow, despite the year(?) or timeframe of the deadly war against the Beast hordes, the warweary Kuun-Laan decides to take on the task of saving Hiigara and their people once again and to venture the galaxy for a cure. This should lead to the Galactic Core and the confrontation with the once proud Corsari Nation. This would also lead to the reasons why the Somtaaw suddenly went GUNG-HOOOO! hehe

okay that was a lot.

[kaffekokarn]

Ok. You got lots of ideas in you head. And I would love to tell you that you should only focus on the "main" fic... But hell. Everything you said sound really cool so that's just a big no-no. "WRITE ALL THE THINGS!!!"

And about Somtaaw... Everything that includes the coolest Kiith is a highway to epicness.
Best part incoming!
"-Well guess what: we wont let you go. It doesn't matter how we die. One ancient monster is as good as another!
-We... are... not... monsters.
-Aren't you? Look around. Look what you've done to our fleet. All because we dared get in you way! Look at yourselves- the Alof and Mighty Bentusi! Salughtering the people who asked for your help! You're worse than the Beast! At least the Beast doesn't pretend to be righteous!"

Seriously. I get goose-bumps every damn time I hear/play that part. The feeling in the FC voice... Hooh-boy.


So as you probably can see, I love the Somtaaw. The way they go from a minor mining Kiith to a respected "Warrior Kiith". I can't really understand the sometimes occuring hate towards Cata. I for one love the story in that game. Also a reason I don't liked it when I saw they got mad in your work. I imagined the Kun-Laan fleet to be a great vagrant armada, scouring the galaxay for anything Beast related to eradicate all small "isolated pockets of the cancer". And FC going whacko... /cry. He's the character I like the most. Karan can't even measure to him.


And don't forget the transition from "Kiith Somtaaw Mining-ship Kun-Laan" to "This is Kiith Somtaaw War-ship Kun-Laan". Etched in my memory for all time.

Now I stop with my Somtaw-fetish and tell you this.
Just continue with your work(s). I like them all!

[Prawn663]

Hello hey what about a ship appendix thread to each story sparky::: like one for Aira's Quest en second tales of the Vjel Amaj/part 2

and if you are thinking ((what is he meanig with ship appendix ) its a thread describing ships in story's, I got inspired more than once by the Kadeshi Crusade Ship Appendix

http://www.strategyplanet.com/homewo...shiCrusade.htm well here you go have look and tell me/us what you think

( you could always expand on the basic idea )

Prawn signng out

[Sparki]

True that, I love the somtaaw just as much ! Yeah, fleet command dude was just awesome.
Especially the line with "- or do we have to ram this [mining vessel] down your throat] ..." and then something like "The Beast or you as a monster doesn't make any other difference" (forgot the line argh!)


As a Somtaaw nerd of HWC, I'd almost want to make a fan cutscene with voice acting. So far, I only managed to reverse-engineer the cutscene animations.

Aye, mmmmhhh, the Kun-Laan Somtaaw in the TOVJ fic do appear to have gone nuts as I depicted them, but I think I went too far.
I don't want them to be viewed as extreme evil badguys - although THAT should be the FIRST impression !


I somewhat delayed the appearance of the Scientists who would finally explain the first stories of the Corsari and the Somtaaw confrontations, but I will get to that one finally. Good thing I remember the Corsari Elder Servitor, Harek, so he can actually do a narrative speech of the Corsari/Somtaaw history.

But there is something that is disturbing me a bit regarding the Nebuli Somtaaw. okay, I did depict them a bit too evil-maniacal.
Also, the obvious traitorship thing is a bit too foreseeable. There is an idea that could at least explain their sudden hostility and what desperate plan the Somtaaw had to do.

In fact, maybe that is how I can turn this around, so it is not tooooo TVtrope'ish.
Also, I want to focus on Ensora's madness. Dunno if it had been noticed, but it should be obvious that she took over the Kun-Laan despite Cortaur "still being around". Heh-heh

edit, oops, just noticed Prawn663 posted. gimme a sec

Hello hey what about a ship appendix thread to each story sparky::: like one for Aira's Quest en second tales of the Vjel Amaj/part 2

and if you are thinking ((what is he meanig with ship appendix ) its a thread describing ships in story's, I got inspired more than once by the Kadeshi Crusade Ship Appendix

http://www.strategyplanet.com/homewo...shiCrusade.htm well here you go have look and tell me/us what you think

( you could always expand on the basic idea )

Prawn signng out

Hi dude
Thanks for the suggestion.

Yes, you are right about making a Ship Appendix as there are a crapton of ships in the fic. I also wanted to post a few in your other thread but I actually have to write it all.

However, I did intend to add it on the TOVJ - Wikia Compendium Articles
My main intention of that was to put all those fluff side infos and stuff that I did not or could not explain thoroughly to avoid bloating the fics even more fatter than they already are. Somewhere, I am trying to use the current ending of Part II to explain a few tidbits of how ships are and how they can survive in deep space.

A pretty big undertaking though.
Since I decide to declare "Holy Fanfic war of unfinished stories", it will all grow over my head.

But I will do my best to add a Ship Appendix for overviewing.
However, I must be a bit "careful" regarding uploading so many infos on ships. I know this is the internet. I don't want to give all the entire creativity to something that I could possibly make into reality after all ;D. Well, I seriously SERIOUSLY doubt that could ever happen, but it is probably better not to put too much spoiling on the main ship of the story. Thus, it is likely that I will leave the Protagonist ship out of the Appendix -- or just add basic infos.

I do like that Q & A part of the link you posted though .

I am certain that there are FAQs I could make up that I discovered from other readers that I could clarify in short words as I am very sure there are some holes regarding the story.

You all are free to ask here too real questions, of course. :>

[kaffekokarn]

Also, I want to focus on Ensora's madness. Dunno if it had been noticed, but it should be obvious that she took over the Kun-Laan despite Cortaur "still being around". Heh-heh

It was noticed. Bitch is batshit crazy! She behaves like she is jacked up on something. The feeling of hatred and despise towards the Corsari came across really well. And you made it like Cortaur is still a great commander. He sits quietly and observe, but let all the decision making to Ensora.
I get the feeling he is a more seasoned, and calm, attentive and higly intellectual FC than Cpt Soban. Much as depicted in Cata. Very much alike Cpt Soban in many ways. It's just that he leaves absolutely everything to Ensora, as Soban with Hailynn but without the advice and input towards her command.

As I have an unexplainable love towards the FC from Cata, I picture him giving full command to Ensora before the encounter with the Corsari, and she fucked it all up, and he just, as I've said many times now, observe her and her entourage of fanatics. (I split them up in my mind: Cortaur and his seasoned and honorable warriors/followers, and Ensora and her crazy zealots/fanatics as she's slowly stepping over the line he drew when he gave her the command. Now his patiance is running out and soon take care of everything and bring back the REAL KIITH SOMTAAW, not the power-hungry faction that rides on his and his mens fame back on Hiigara.)

The true Beast Slayers!


Hurr durr. This is just me rambling about what I would want in the Homeworld universe. This is all because your fanfic, TOVJ, is the reference I use when I think about Homeworld. Your work is so immensly good that in my mind, this is Homeworld. The story is exceptionally good, it gives a nice explanation of how the Kushans have evolved after landfall, informative insight on the culture and geography. Mix it all up in science terms that really gives the feel of Sci-fi, and you have a killer!

Keep it up and do as I always say; Your work. Do what feels right and people will enjoy it. I for one certainly does! And how you let us readers in on how you think when you write the story, and ask for inputs and such, that makes me respect you much more.
You're a fine chap Sparki. That is one thing I always stand by.


EDIT: "You're worse than the Beast! At least the Beast doesn't pretend to be righteous!"

[Sparki]

Thanks for the very kind and encouraging words, Kaffekokarn. They mean a lot to me.

And it is great and assuring that the story I write is worth something for somebody. I will do my best to keep on truckin'.

I am also very impressed that you followed the story so much in detail, especially with Cortaur and Ensora and the comparision with Hailynn and Cpt Soban.

One thing for sure, there are to be two sides of a story.
One shall be the Ensora/Cortaur side as Nebuli Somtaaw - The other, the Corsari side that will be told over time by Harek (Corsari Elder Somtaaw) and the SAT team discoveres as they decrypt the terrarbytes of info they received.

The truth shall be a bit misleading. Two people tell two different stories -- Okay, you will possibly hear the true Nebuli Somtaaw verision some Part V though.

Doubt I will be able to write a seperate Nebuli Somtaaw vs Corsari Nation in the Jiihideroga Nebula, so I must really heavily on Harek's tales first.

Harek will be very neutral. But even he is uncertain about things, so there will always be a mysterious fog around the Nebuli Kun-Laan, Ensora and Cortaur.
edit: removed the line about Corsari talking lies about Nebuli Somtaaw. Mistake on my side. The Corsari would never speak of lies.


There are a few slight errors - But not on your behalf but more on how I wrote the story. Error is actually an ugly and wrong word, but let's say I had to cut out some things so they were revealing, hence the mentioning of "error" hehe.

I like how you said that there are the honorable side of Cortaur and the fanatical ones of Ensora - especially about her becoming his successor.
Yes, she is totally different and very VERY enthusiastic. There is something about Cortaur though that makes it hard to explain things.
I need to avoid spoiling here so I cannot say much. but it is true that somewhere, Cortaur wishes to bring back the Somtaaw to what it once was. But there is a twist about it. He is not much of same as he once was 100 years ago. He IS Cortaur but... Can't say/explain it now hehe.

Yes, Ensora really crossed the line. And BOY, how she was crossing.
But one thing about Cortaur is that it is impossible to tell if he is still "himself. Too.

Enough ;D! Can't say more without ruining it. It is nothing big, but I have to really make sure I am not only saying too much, I have to avoid cliché. So at this point, I have to also say that not all the things I mentioned here are final.


But yeah, indeed, I love the FC and TO from Cata.
I must say that the German voice was pretty cool too. I will try to assemble a vid with all the sounds they say. At least the initial ones.

**

btw, Part 4 of x of Chapter 30 uploaded ^^

[kaffekokarn]

Have a nice holiday Sparki. I look forward to the coming updates. But now; take time to have a nice christmas and a happy new year.

[Sparki]

Thanks, Kaffekokarn.

However, I cannot take a break plus I don't celebrate christmas other than a munch with my mother. We are not religious in any way, so while it is a holiday, we actually still work lol. Anyhow, I kept on writing and drawing. I want to see if I can finally get this chunky part done before the year hits 2012.

I can clearly see that chapter 30 really is a huge monster itself, really showing that Part really needs to be cut in half.
But this makes me uncertain again if I should do the "Fanfic-Spammageddon" because if I continue with the story now, the chapter-numberization will result in a headache >

Hmm, okay, the "non-TOVJ" stories arent the problem here, but the continuations of TOVJ would be a bit confusing.

Well, I could just disregard cutting Part II in half here at relicnews forums and just leave it for the future revision and when I am I'm done I will just upload it to other sites like Archive of Our Own and other fanfic sites. Maybe that is the smarter move.

TOVJ teasers of upcoming part upload :
~ Aaron "talks".
~ Some more Corsari/Nebuli Somtaaw history-mystery.
~ Aira and Velle show up at the Common Ground meeting. Everybody is excited to FINALLY figure out where they are.
~ Orelis figures something about Velle.
~ Fenna vs Orelis... And he's not going to like it.
~ Hailynn's legacy

Life on Curse:
Finally continued.
But not ready for an upload just yet. It is still to swiftly written and there is not that much flesh to it although the plot is supposed to advance fast.

Other fic/wiki stuff not continued yet.

[kaffekokarn]

Heh. I'm a atheist down to the bone, so christmas doesn't have a religious meaning to me or anyone in my family. But it is still, as you said, a holiday you get about 4 days leave from work. Which I gladly have. And it's always nice to have dinner with ones mother, so I was right there; you had a nice christmas. /wink, wink

And it seems it will be a happy new year... For us anyway if you are going to give us another delicious update.

Keep on truckin'.

[Sparki]

Nice, we just bagged objective Part II like nobody's business.

warning, rambling flog (forum blog) bomb down below

This post is more of a recap as well as some bizarre status quo (Deena: "heeey, the name of Chapter 30 ?")

Holy crap.

Nothing to brag or be proud about, but over the course of some three'ish years,
wrote a mind-bogging amount of 371.516 words (will vary ofc due to the amount of extra forum tags added).

Okay, so Part II really needs to be sliced in half. Damn, too bad I can't publish.
Could convert an unbeliever or two to HW.
Ugh, without IP or any legalizations, I'd have to re-write the whole happenings to a seperate storyline just to make it original. After all, some 98% of it is actually original, just using terms and a universe that could be shaped by my hands.
Anyhow, I'm sure other brilliant writers already tried and clashed against the cliffside known as the guys with the damn IP.

too bad this isn't japan where we could do doujinshi stuff and publish on small scale
However, maybe we just got to keep nagging!

Anyways, got to look forward. Part II was just one of many unfinished businesses that need to be done.


Okay, I went bit of a ping pong due to a small case of "indecision" regarding how the parts were presented.

This Part II thing could have been finished in the same year it was started (or lets say another year on top), but ideas just kept coming.

Oooow, I need to still upload those photos of the freaking storyboarding and mad brainstorming I did.


TOVJ PART II... Alpha version, lolwhut?

Let me explain the "Alpha version" - this involves spoilers though (real ones)
New reads should not click this unless Part II has been read completely.

But don't worry, it is not a "big spoiler" either. It is actually plausible in a way. However, Part III and IV (and V) are going to follow Hailynn's alpha plan.

Ironically, there was the idea of writing the story further "without the Corsari" - or starting several variations/alternate timelines of Part II just by Hailynn waking up and going "wtf did I just dream about.
And following the major "what IF"s while chosing one to be the fanon-canon.

One thing I really want to avoid is making TVtrope'ish stories. Several HW writers and forum users already posted that it is impossible to avoid writing stories that existed already somewhere. In the end, our stories are basically something shakespear'ish or whatsoever - just in blue and green.

Nevertheless, we (or I) shouldn't worry about it. We're fanfic writers xD
However I wonder how it would be if I would have gone the "Alpha Version" route.

The initial Alpha Version of TOVJ Part II ;)

Regarding Part II alpha version?
Okay here is how it was to go.

So, Hailynn wakes up from surgical recovery.
She is mad that the Kiith Amaj Navy, while obviously weak in force, is unable to assemble a fleet to help the Kadeshi Seekers of the M'randara Star System (or Rahji's Scantuary). But she cannot really blame the Amaji Navy either since it is struggling against the pirates every day, and pulling out a crapton of escort frigates with Captains like Tegron would not save the seekers' day.

No, she needs something that could at least be viable to evacuate the people.
Hailynn would assume Kadesha's Ark (the titan needleship that ventured across the freaking galaxy) wouldn't make it through the portal. Either the Vaygr would destroy it or use the massive portal the seekers had initially (and secretly) errected.
Nonetheless, Hailynn needed a vessel that could transport loads of people, perhaps even a fleet and try to extract what might be left of the kadeshi seekrs.

Why doesn't she just get a crapton of freighters instead?
Because a naked fleet like that would be extremely vulnerable to getting lost once they approach the M'randara Star System. I imagined the "adjacent" blackhole to be one of the many key issues that will screw up hyperjump navigation (mainly the emergence point). Any sort of conventional Freighter would have conventional short-jump drives, making matters worse.

No she needs a vessel that can farjump as well.

Not to forget, Hailynn wants to save the Kadeshi seekers who are being slaughtered by the independant-but-renegade Vaygr that is slowly uniting to its own crusade. She "promised" to save the Kadeshi seekers and there was someting about Aira too.

So, the idea would have been that she had gone to Hiigara for the Kharakian Anniversary day. The Mothership MS-01 would still be there.
Aira would be used to "steal" it as seen in the current Part II plotline. The Vjel-Amaj and the MS-01 would then make its way to M'randara and try to save people.

- Somtaaw/Kuun-Lan
But then there was the idea with the Somtaaw. I REALLY REALLY wanted the Kuun-Lan (damn me for writing Kun-Lann all the time) to appear, to sneak up and use their siege cannon. The Somtaaw/Kuun-Lan are pissed of what they done about stealing the Mothership. However, there was no smart way to explain that the original Kuun-Lan mothership survived all the way up to a century/HW2 timeline. Also, even with longevity, our favorite Fleet Command dude and Tactical Officer babe from HW:C were to be surprise guest stars - but how to bring them in without being old as hell? (ookay I used the longevity idea in the end) - but how to explain their Siege Bolt shot on the mothership?

Hailynn would outsmart them the "irresponsible and unpredictable Hailey" way.
And the Kuun-Lan would take on hunting them, always a step ahead of Karan/Godship Sajuuk. But that wouldn't make all too much sense either. It would be cool, but let me put it this way -> It is not scrapped! Shhhhhh! :jinx:

- Return to M'randara Star System
~note: NOT SCRAPPED
But Hailynn would have managed to return there just to find out that the Vaygr were successful in obliterating most of the Kadesha's Ark. There are still survivors and even after months (and perhaps even years to come); they'd still be shooting each other. Imagine second world war, but in space.

- Return to the abandoned Taiika Aksaii Vay 01 / Taiidan mothership
Remember Shodanii? She would be dead of course (well, "psychically-speaking" she's not if you speculate a bit about Aira's "abilities). but I would have reverted the idea of it being crushed/destroyed in part I - which i must chance. That mothership would be revived somewhat.



Okay that is widely without the Tau Corsari Fealty etc.

Although they would appear shortly just to "help out on Hailynn's favor" they would only be real pirates who just would, well, "help out". but that would have been too slick.

But I found a way in how to get the Kuun-Lan to appear, to be an old ship with one HECK of a grudge. Simply by scape-goating the Tau Corsari Fealty.


AND THEN
There was always my favorite thing about Hailynn. I never want to spoil on her and her outcome, but it is obvious that she is a bad luck (anti-)hero. No matter how much good she does once, she always gets kicked in the ass twice. A plan of good will commonly end up in a twist of miseries - and she's to blame. Ultimately, she would be forced to GO BAD -- but only to save the Vjel-Amaj and Aira from her self-destructive ways.

Also, there is an IDEA regarding something I always loved about Gas Giants.
But shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

My greatest worry of all while I was writing this part to away from the "Alpha line" was the fact that the
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_elephant]Corsari Nation/Fealty, the Nebuli Somtaaw, and all other events would be somethign like "White Elephant"[/url]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_elephant

In short, maybe the Corsari faction and everything I developed as original ideas were great but maybe they weren't that cool after all for the readers. The focus of the story did follow the Corsari vs Nebuli Somtaaw thing rather than focusing on "hey, what about the Kadeshi Seekers". I have the feeling that I focused so big time on the Corsari/Somtaaw thing that the actual story flow just got killed --
Not to mention killing what actually made Part I so awesome and fun to write; of couse, because of Aira.

Somewhat, Aira was practically a dummy and a damsel in distress.

To be on the safe side and in my defense, her character WILL DEVELOP .
I know how many readers around the globe love character development, although I'm not even certain which definition of "character development" is actually meant, but I assure you she will not always stay the same little damsel (although she is sooooooooo cute that way ;D).

While she will be a Kadeshi with her way of articulation and saying things like you'd hear from Troi from Star Trek TNG, she would not be the adolescent girl all the time. She would grow also physically - and mentally - and let's not forget Hesken........ More about her in Part III/IV


But in the end,
I'm the writer and as people said many times to me - just do your thing .

As well - I want to make sure that the factions that appear aren't just "good vs evil".
Same for hailynn and Orelis' future decisions. He will frakk-up too.

Are the Nebuli Somtaaw really "evil"?
Are the Corsari "evil"?

I want to make sure that there is damn confusion regarding that.
the Nebuli Somtaaw of course appear to be evil, but let me just spoil the fact that they just went "by the flow". They are a threat - while not a galactic threat as Orelis said it, the Kuun-Lan IS virtually ON PAR with the legendary Godship Sajuuk. But how is that? To be continued...

~ even the Vjel-Amaj and its crew may appear to be "Rightous Good".
But you may have noticed slowly that even that is not quite the case. Bad apples are showing up. Support Operatives being harrassed by the others...
And it is likely that Orelis is going down the drain as well.
Enough Spoils here - but you can see that things aren'T going that slick.


Nontheless, my other main goal aside to unusual characters ( +authentic female ;D) is also to write a story in a dark-but-not-so-dark universe.
Nothing should be sunny. There will be murders. There will be hard life -> that being one of the things I wanted to present with Prequels of hailynn and Vayn/Beylo short stories or oneshots.


Stuff and other stuff...


// decision made: No revision yet. Story needs to continue . enjoy the rambling nonetheless //
Okay, so the there is a dilemma regarding the story's chapter numeration.

Part II would have to be cut in half since it is so huge with its 370k words.
It is smart to cut in half. why?
Because there are actually two seperate major plot.

The 1st progress from Amaji Prime to Hiigara to Efruvaeen Star Sytem/Perdita.
And the 2nd one, the emergence of the Nebuli Somtaaw vs Corsari Fealty -> "Where the hell are we?" flotilla.

The first half should have been more about char development on Taara's Star. There were a lot of gags and "quiet times" I wanted to add, but the problem there was that it could have become too much of a tedious read just about some Telenovela/Soap Opera in space (okay, granted this is a Space Opera), but I decided to hide a few things.
I already did a bit of hiding regarding Kaydaana doing the cultural marriage trials on Vayn without him actually knowing it. I suppose that turn out as funny and Hailynn was actually pleased to see the bizarre Manaani actually found a guy.


Sooooooooooooooooooo
Part II itself would need a revision and not only that, a re-numerization of the chapters.
I like to keep a 5 or 10 step per Part/Story arc.

Right now,
Part I has 20 chapters
Part II has +10 chapters although me-idiot should have done it with +20

I will have to watch out how I progress with the future parts/chapters.

For some reason, I thought the plot to be enough for 10 chapters. Wroooong!
And the little chapter-chunks just kept getting bigger and bigger. I noticeed this too late.


Now the question is, continue as I was and fix things after?

Regardless of the fiction-spam, I don't want to leave things unfinished.
It is obvious that Part I needs some serious revision'ing.

Starting with ideas and characters.
Even Ray at the very beginning was more alike a Kroll than the cool, silent bro he is now.


But since this is all a fanfiction, I should probably just close my eyes and keep the story flowing first.
However, Part II would be missing all the Deena madness I skipped.

Speaking of which...

Wacky Faction/Character ideas

Do not click unless you read PART II ;D

I am very well aware that I have brought in characters that weren't quite the "homeworld" types and pretty much could have jumped the shark so often that Fonzie (or the readers) would barf and drop the fic all together. (Yes, there were people who did ^^).

One of them, wacky chars, would be Deena.
She is a comic relief character, whose history and way of duty is probably the most bizarre ever.
But that is also my point, I also wanted to have bizarre characters. Should it be a Ferengi or anything else similar.

But this character also had to be something dim-witted, but not "cliché blond".
Obvious, I have a female-fetish but after all, these are Amaji so the ratio is not 1:1 after all ;D

However, she is developed in away that she helps develop the other chrachters too - and there is a very special idea I have regarding her future. It is a long path from there and...


-- Okay, it's official >D I need to continue the story, skip the revision. I suppose I should just add a "changelog/ooc Author notes" line. there is so much fun with Deena to be had. I love that girl.


of course, there is the other wacky faction.


Okay, when I wrote the Imperial Taiidan as well as Delophane being initially as heavily-influenced Japanese, it was really over the top. It went too far, agreed.


However, I want to keep for instance the Turanic Marauders the "ghetto" style.
Orson and his siblings are to be a very special type.
And I am happy I brought in the twist about the "myth/urban legend" that they were cannibals.

Yes, they are sort of cannibals after all, as Gelza tried to hide at first.
But they are more of vulture types -- at least those marauders who still have common sense and have not fallen to their vampiric ways. Especialyl with all the Twilight/True Blood stuff nowadays.

I didn't like putting the vampire thing but I wanted to do it in a way that it is connected with madness and their physiologic existence.

But I also need "strange people".
I need a group of people that are different than just being the obvious humans and that nature and evolution made them to what they are. Spaceborn and living in space all the time changes people over the course of the centuries/millenniums.

Thus, I also added the "absorb" nature.
Now it reminds slightly of the Wraiths-race or how their were called from Stargate:Atlantis <3 (TV series)
However, the process is much slower. My idea of the Turanic Marauders is not original (duh)
It was also inspired by an nsfw/adult manga short I found in the internetz. If you are up for it, look for "my life with a slime girl".
There are several one page mange skits. It's funny as hell.

so in short, the Marauders are a bit of a homage to that.
The Marauders are not slime-people of course, but that is how they can survive longer in space. See them as batteries. They can suck up the vital calcium for bodies and transfer it.

Now they dont have to get all naked for it. A transfer could be done very fast, but lets just say they need to be hand in hand. They could absorb calcium by tossing the corpse into a (biomass) tank and feed it from there over the liquid atmo stuff into their body via skin absorbtion.

I also wanted to bring in the "liquid atmosphere" thing that was actually said about the original Turanics from HW1.


by the way, the Turanics in Life on Curse will use this too. So, cool stuff is coming!

Back to marauders. And a note to myself, the Marauders need a different name other than the "codename" tagged to their turanic pirate nature.

I also wanted to make sure that there was a confusion about them. So here again, we see that all marauders arent badguys. And the "Thresher Maw" is actually a worldship (it is not a titan worldship like Kadesha's Ark by the way); A worldship that means that a major culture lives on it. Sort of like how I said the Tenreii's of Life onCurse to be.
Either a fleet or a massive ship of a specific sub-faction where people live on.

And if that ship gets destroyed -> bye bye minor-faction,nice knowing you (thus I need to give the Turanic Marauders a cultural name)

okay, I probably spoiled too much.


But it has appeared that the Orson and co. of the Thresher Maw, aren't evil-doers.

So... Uh... How do you guys "do it"

Biological Reproduc-- WHAT?!

Now this fic is not for kids, and I will not go into detalis to just get banned and locked up .
but I want to add a bit more to the mysterious - the strange of this Homeworld fan-universe.
This is not to turn the fic into some intergalactic pr0n...

Although I enjoy drawing nsfw that stuff in my free time. Woot!

No seriously:
The fic will about the indirect "sly" factors. You'll get the sense of "sly" easily as you read on and if you watched the "Firefly" scifi series (WATCH IT, seriously). This is not trying to force people into it (no, I'm not part of the gang either), and I don#t want to put it as a direct subject but it will be part of the plot as well. I won't use the G-word because the universe doesn't use the obvious word. Remember, this is not Earth-stuff. Or I at least want to avoid that most of the time.

Anyhow -
Yes, it is obvious that Drayson will get a bit curious about how the Marauder people actually "mate"
It is very kinky/cliche what might be between Gelza and Drayson but I needed something like this hehe.
Maybe it is too obvious and I could change that, but if it should go that far with Gelza and Drayson, it shuld be "interesting". Again, no full detail stuff about the actual thing hehe.

I will have Gelza and Orson explain things - Chunk? Well, he could say a word... but he doesn't talk much. ;D
Not to forget, usually Deena is the one to ask such things, but she isn't around. SHE WILL ASK THEM RIGHT IN THE FACE, if she should ever bump against them. She did with Delophane and the other Turanics but I did not post it (only indirectly).

There are also some facts about the Marauder siblings that Drayson doesn't know yet either.
Also, the small mystery about the "unusual pairings" rather than the usual man+woman should be interesting.


This is the future and sci-fi, but I want to bring in those topics too without overdoing it. The universe and the evolved "humans etc" are not the same.

Remember
The Amaji have "seekers" (not to be confused with kadeshi seekers), which is more or less a cultural acceptance of people who only wish to be together. It is bond to the historical times of Kharak.

However, it won't be that all too easy.
It is obvious (and revealed since Part I) that Velle Xoti is a seeker, and sooner or later, she will be harrassed for being one by her crew -- this is mostly due to the 'crumbling nature of the natural Amaji unification'. Things might get worse too.
But there will also be other pairings and there will be chapter where Velle will explain stuff to Aira as she does not know anything about Love, marriage and whatever of life. However, there will be people who think otherwise.

And there is the "normal" way of course, but nobody needs to explain that right?
I won't do any "swaps" though. Just social/psychologically - not physically.

So there is a lot to come.

To-Do List/Future soup of 2012

~More likely possible:

+ Part III and IV (let's just ignore the "II and a 1/2" and divert that to Part III
+ Life on Curse continuation (concepts done and written chapter but needs some final fixing also because of more HW/less Japanese)
+ TOVJ compendium continuation - Long overdue
~~~~ Next to that with TOVJ Compendium... I wanted to start a seperate thread with the "Meet the xyz" stuff, like "Meet the Logistics Operative" which was hosted by Chief Deena Amaj. Fun gags but also informative on the actual crew expertise and titles.

~ likely to be "started and then postponed":

+ Prequel - Hailynn's life as a Marine on Kyori Prime; the hard and complicated life in a breeder-regulated and distant colony at the brink of civil unrest
+ True Prequel - Hailynn's service onboard the renowned "TALON-VO" frigate from the start of the Hiigaran-Vaygr war to the bitter end. (very unlikely to be started though)



Oh frakking hell, this post itself is already a fanfic upload lol.
Laters

[Sparki]

Welcome to the new year : )

Soooo. TOVJ Part III teasers for the first, uh, 1/5th or quarter... dunno, you do the math! xD

+ Prologue/Chapter 31 "The Next Day"
~ A small recap on what happened so far, most likely in a narrative report by Kelsea and Drayson; with Kelsea saying the most.
One thing I want to avoid is giving an excessive character bio like I did in Part II's prologe.

~ Flotilla's first true coop-operation ^-^
There's a torn piece of that Somtaaw carrier. Maybe stuff to salvage?

~ Orelis talks to the russian'ish Captain Somtaaw and his few crewmen,
the ones who decided to help the Gaalsiidim people overthrow their previous oppressors.

~ Aira visiting Hesken (and Athaniell) at their new home on the "Hiigaran-Vaygr deck" of the Vjel-Amaj.

~ More on FCpt Amalia Tegron and Iodan Somtaaw (and Regausa-Maru)
There are some issues to show up

~ More importantly,
A) Orelis to debrief Aaron and others who were part of the (failed) operation to retrieve Hailynn.

B) Quan suggestions on how to find out where they are.


edit:
And things WILL happen : ) don't worry, you know the drill .

I will not start on Part IV just yet.

[kaffekokarn]

I will not start on Part IV just yet.

Great. 2012 starts with bad news.

lol/jk! You took care of part II like nobodys business indeed.

[Sparki]

lol ^^
well, depends it is kind of a, uh, double moral.

Going chronologically is smart and I don't want to put in flashbacks hence why I ramble so much with chapter/installment part numbers.

The actual good news is that Part III and Part IV can actually be told without worrying too much about the actual storyline. Part III wasn't actually planned at all until I figured at the end of Part II that there would be a plothole. While Part III was intended to be "A jump to the future and then have things told by Orelis' personal report narration", it would not explain everything in detail how they got to the place they are now.

But leave it too me ;D I'm trying to get things rolling.
Just want to make sure that I get Life on Curse continued because there is a lot of potential fun in writing there, especially with the turanic stuff. Yum yum.

Be back soon. ;D

[Sparki]

Woot! TOVJ Part III launched!

It's a start hehe.

I have to see how far I will go.
I do insist to continue with Part IV actually as that was the true intentional continuation while part III was to be more of a filler.

But I will see that I write Part IV genuine enough because the actual location where things take place are really more scifi than before.
As a small teaser... Remeber those massive progenitor hulks in the background of the game...? : )

[Sparki]

TOVJ PART III

Prologue teasers

~ Captain Vladim Gridori Somtaaw and his remaining crew
As the flotilla approaches the Nebuli wreckage, Orelis meets the Somtaaw Captain and learns of his service as an officer and possibly even a renegade captain. His notable accent shows he is of the northern region of Hiigara as noticeable by the rolling "R".

background info: Gridori is a homage to a good ol' russian captain from the anime Macross (aka Robotech), Captain Henry Gloval
While I did generate an original character, the aspects how I imagined this character do fit to Gloval.

http://www.robotech.com/infopedia/ch...cter.php?id=15
Speaking of which, here's a short example
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjM8PbTw5tU @ 13:45mins
Along with the gag.


~ Corsari Hjorndal life
Osna is still onboard the Hjorndal and actually took a sleep in one of the "accommodations" with the regular crew. Not quite comfortable...
Nevertheless, after the sleep, she will head to the bridge. Her impressions of the Corsari will be revealed.


****

Okay at this point,
the prologue will be very dry and chunky as it will deal with the general information gathering (as if Chapter 30 wasn't massive enough with that xD).

But I will try to keep it together, meaning that the first explorations of the wreckages will be paired with the Pethera and Dr. Jonas' first autopsy of the Nebuli Somtaaw corpses/hulk marines.

Not to forget, Aaron's troop debriefing.


****

~ Salvage mission
I need to upload a short theme that will fit to the exploration of the now "derelict" chunk of the carrier. It will be from the PC game "Star Trek: Elite Force 2", the theme where your hazard team board the derelic Star Fleet cruiser USS Dallas. The music is just amazing.

There will be myriads of creepy sightings too.

The exploration team will feature astronautic space suit stuff too xD.


I've decided not to reveal the location of the flotilla yet. Would be too early.

But don't worry, they won't -- uh, let's say -- they will eventually discover people some day, but it isn't nowhere close to the expectations Quan develops.

[Prawn663]

Sparki something you should know you'r PM box is full, I tried to send a message but it said your box is full

Greetz and hope you had a good Newyear Celebration


PS:: i have found the bands i mentioned on Myspace so i'f thats works for you( don't know how they store their music but their are also mp3 tracks, so no youtube) i even made my own page and will upload some old racket from the first band i played,.... send you a link

more will follow

[Sparki]

Lol thanks for letting me know.
Freed up a few. I think I need to do a general cleanup. Old PMs been around for some three years or more.

Yeah, feel free to send over PM now

[Sparki]

TOVJ Part III
Lol, Part III had not really started and I already have to fix stuff.

~ Kelsea's SITREP
While not a major error, I forgot that she came up with the idea of differentiating the two helm stations of the VJ by calling the primary one (former Station of Hailynn/Fenna) Helm;
The other secondary one that she had manned Conning.

As a small recap. To clarify, the secondary aka Conning station - while sounding the same as helm - is not as sophisticated as the primary station. The primary station is loaded with means of navigation - The more one's pilot senses and psyche is, the more evasive etc the VJ will get. VJ is only as good as its helm pilot.
Conning on the other hand is a standard component that emulates its navigational and administrative controls upon the ship. The conning station itself was a very expensive buy issued by the now MIA Chief Logistics Officer, Deena Amaj. Also, Conning does not contain the multitude of exotic Bentusi components.


TOVJ Part IV and LOC
Part IV draft done.
Great stuff. Very scifi though .

LOC (delophane prequel), revision of continuation done. Still needs to have a few more highlights, especially those that are tied to the VJ's discoveries years later. There will be ties revealed - and across the progress of that fic.


EDIT
After a small inspiration by Star Trek Online,
I've figured out a few ideas regarding future plans Orelis and Aaron must develop.

One of them will be expanding the basic operative / support operative into a few new branches and departments.
As a not-worth-mentioning-teaser; One of them will be called "Duty Operatives"; soon to be known as the operatives who wear gray jumpsuits and a slightly different outfit with light protection. They will be come a new defensive unit next to the support operatives regarding conflicts.
Don't want to spoil too much so -- More to come

[Prawn663]

he sparki me here, again yes i know

if uploaded some two tracks from the first band i played in here's my channel http://www.youtube.com/user/pedroman66?feature=mhee there might be more material but i don't have acess to that. i also played in a second band but those tapes got sold/stolen or whatever i don't know, I once found a vid with some young punks( rat basterds )who had put one of our tracks when we had a drummer( mostly we practiced with a drumcomputer) under their vid of them playing.( wish i had those recordings, we really pumped and hacked)


BUt now to your story's::: I was lately watching an episode of Married With Children where ALL BUNDY the shoe salesman found his fathers hammer and used it to build a room in his garage, i dont know the episode but i was thinking how about putting a shoe salesman( or something with shoes ) like all bundy on a space staion wich the Vjel Amaj docks with could be a funny part. for inspiration check more Married with children episodes

happy writing

[Sparki]

Hi

While the suggestion may be off track for other readers, it is actually a funny (and possible idea).
There is in fact a chance to implement such. Either for Part III or IV.
Depends on how the thing should be. I think Part III is better -- but I don't want to spoil.

And I freakin' love MWC.
I won't simply clone it, but if I do have an idea, I will implement the idea. It has to be homeworldy though -- and also in a way that it does not disrupt the overall universe with Al's awesomeness since this is HW after all.


I will check out youtube links !

[Sparki]

~ Non-related TOVJ stuff
Almost through with Book 2 of Exile Returns, woot .
@doberman
will post a general feedback about it, but no worries, fic looks good to me. What I like is that it gets right to the plot without jibberjabber like I how I'd do it (with all the unnecessary blathering before something happening xD)


~ TOVJ Part III

Uploaded Part 2 of x of chapter 31.
This gives a bit more insight on the Darugis' bridge functions and some background info on the Captain. I decided not to go too deep on the blathering although it is all cool stuff. Yet, there is enough time and space in Part III to represent background fluff of characters. Also, I wanted to finally get the plot going while maintaining the ~6 to 7k words so that things are bit more consistent. I know it is bit of a pain to have characters be a bit flat with their background story, but there was so much said in chapter 30 that the story itself almost came to a complete halt.

The exploration mission will also not let things progress as planned, so I will be forced to add in several subplots.
However, the subplots should be intersting enough. There will be one plot that won't be all too obvious (at least I hope it's not) -- Let's see if anybody can figure what it is and what the plot could be ;D Don't worry, I will post when the subplot happened.

Part ch31 3 of x to look forward to;
- Salvage operation to commence. I need to upload a theme from game Star Trek Elite Force 2 as it will be very fitting to the situation. I will also add some other creepy themes to it. Exploration will be the main gig of the plot -- maybe I'd have to put the actual exploration as chapter 32.

- very important; Aaron's debriefing and results.
I don't know if it too early for them to come up with solutions as the "Duty operative" doctrine and other ideas I came up with.
Another thing is that I have to figure things on ballistics too. There are a row of weapons that need to be developed in part IV. Thank goodness SOPA failed for now and wikipedia is here to stay :>.

- While dropping Delophane slightly due to her surgical recovery I wanted to add some light on Beii and perhaps a few of the fellow Turanics.

- Velle's character develop;
some cool idea came up. I know the whole world loves character development. However, I have to do it in a way that is not just some "lesbian goes strong". xD But it will be somewhere in a way where she decides to step up. Also, we must not forget that she is an Adjutant; Orelis' actual superior "officer" due the kiith voice/title, lol.

- Initial Aira + Hesken stuff;
Aira visits Hesken at "'fugee zone". Athaniell to become startled of the fact that Hesken's attitude and personality did a big time 180° change.

A few more things to come but those are too spoily.

See ya soon.

[Sparki]

Blawg input of Feb 5 2012
------------


~ TOVJ Part III

- Darugis, Somtaaw Wreckage Exploration and "LET'S FINALLY MOVE ON"
Okay, there is a bit of a side plot I came up with. It is not to be a simple filler, but it might delay a few things. The problem about it is that I'd need to name a few more people of the Darugis bridge crew. It won't be long but it will delay a few things, predominantly Aaron's debriefing.

Another thing is that I will do a bit of a timelapse.
I wanted to initially do some detailed exploration thing but figured it could steal a lot of momentum as chapter 30 did at the end of Part II ( I better consider renaming the PARTS to ACTs).

To cut to the chase, I will have an initial oneshot plot occur with indirect characters such as Amaji SAT astronauts, Corsari "space" marines and others float towards the huge wreckage and begin exploration and later salvaging. This should test how to write a plot without explicitly (spelling) introducing hundreds of characters. Of course, there will be a bit of 1st person point of views and chatter but once the group starts exploring, I will engage the timelapse and put that plot on indirect flow .

This should allow me to put focus on Aaron's debriefing without having to put intensively written happenings of the exploration mission. I will toss in a few situational things.

Just to add, there will be something happening on Darugis too. :>

- Orelis
Not to forget, Orelis still has to listen/read Hailynn's USB secured flash drive. I don't know if I am capable of putting the initial significant ideas I had about it now, but there will be a few things that need to be said.

- Fenna and Ray
While I really love the rocky love couple thing, I did not develop any plot-ideas about them since my initial plan was Part IV (or Act IV ). There is a lot of development there to come.

- BACK TO HYPERSPACE
It is pretty much obvious that the flotilla must move on. They can't stay forever watching the unknown enthralling universe around them. Somewhere, I will only put up a mini Common Grounds meeting over radio chat.

I just will say that they will stumble upon people sooner or later after a lost trip.


- Aaron's debriefing and the results
Pretty much about the results here. I don't want to go that slick.
Like "Oh, we got these tough badguys - Invent xyz, we win".

I need to make sure that it is done in a way where the solution is still a big damn problem.
(for me to keep in mind) Things to watch out:

~ No "Gold ammo"
~ State of Play on Manpower / Psyche, and recruiting
~ Psyche stuff itself; working together ain't easy; morale also an issue

~ tight tight tight crewman spaces; soon to become a greater issue as the Amaji crew specifically has been squeezing together for quite some time ever since Act 1.
There is also a certain issue I've been avoiding for quite some time. One is being actual and realistic crew numbers. So far, I've only managed to figure a decent number for the Darugis (although the numbers are still damn vague).

Also, the point about vessel's vacant-capacities.
In Act 1, I stated that the Vjel Amaj is a nimble star cruiser ~and I think I stressed that fact many times. However, there is always a bit of an inconsistency with the actual size of the ship itself. I do have an idea how the ship should look like and should actually draw it but I've yet to make sure it has all the stuff I want on it xD. Obviously, the ship has an elongated design.
I also have to conceptualize a decent design of the decks.
Much usually happens at
the executive deck;
deck 7 "Logistics Deck";
(to be announced) Engineering Deck/Area;
(the tight) Fighter Bay;

And several Subdecks.
I imagined the Main Decks to have numbers while the Subdecks would have letters.
Main decks are obvious for their uses.
Sub decks are usually for secondary means, like crew quarters, minor storages etc.
-- damn it, I REALLY need to write in the wikia. xD

Anyhow, the insipration of deck letters came from HW:Cataclysm.
Nevertheless, I wanted to stress out that you can't just have people lingering across the ship in random locations. The Subdecks are to also be the safe zones with respective means of survival like independant life support units. Should the VJ ever get a hull breach (and even with pressure lockdown across the ship), it would not be easy for one (or entire families) to survive because they were hanging around in a random corridor, hence the reason why people are bunched up at subdeck habitat areas.

As for the Darugis, it has a lot more space, but only one area is actually habitabable.


To get to the point, Act1 showed that the Amaji crewmen had to squeeze the Hiigaran-Vaygr refugees into their quarters.


- Error in Act II about Turanic Marauder "Rock-Roach"
Initially, the unknown Turanic Marauder that helped Kaydaana in space was one dude only and not does not fit the actual result when the pilot(s) were revealed. Another thing I had put focus on was the "dry coughing" that revealed the hot air and stuff these wackos would normally work in. However, I decided to bring in more the canon'ish "liquid atmosphere" aspect.
So somewhere, I will have to fix it.
I don't know if the Marauders should be wearing helmets. Ugh, problems!

More to come, but for now:
Back to work ^^

[kaffekokarn]

Sounds awesome. And if you ever decide to kill off Fenna... well. Cheers to that if it would happen. Been hoping for her to, oh I don't know, get sucked into space. ;D

[Sparki]

LOL ^^ I think that is the first time ever of getting a green light for killing off a character hehe.

I'm sure a whoooole lot of people would want that to happen. But she's unfortunately too important for a "dramatic climatic situation" that will be essential for Arc V (and IV AAAND III lol). It is somewhat a showdown but also a wacky plottwist that will make it all fun to write.
I don't want to have all the main characters surviving all the time though.

There is a "getting sucked into space" moment I really do want to bring in actually. The inspiration is tied with a favorite scene I've seen an anime "Lilycat" :mrgreen:.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFULuM9D4xA @ 17:05 mins

Not to be spoiling too much, but I want to add a side plot that will be very stressful for the heads of the arbeta hitol flotilla.

I'm somewhere glad Fenna is hated. That was a goal in order to keep the development flowing.

As for now, I am trying to put as much time and effort to get the story flowing.


Aside to spamming fanfic threads, I was thinking of putting up an art spam/character thread.

I have a load of themes that I've connected to almost each character. (fanfic) Writers like to use themes that fit to characters, plots and factions. As for now, I only added themes to the fic itself, giving an audible theme to a given situation.

Somewhere, I'm intending just to put up a left-for-dead youtube account to upload the themes and just let YT kill it if they get too flimsy with copyright stuff. Nevertheless, there are simply themes that just fit the damn situation or character and I'd rather try to tie that together than die without doing such.

There are a load of 80s anime themes that fit to Aira's enigmatic side.
One that I'd love to have as an anthem for the Kiith Amaj/VJ cruiser/TOVJ would be Inon Zur's DOW1 - Theme of the Force Commander.

Stuff like that :mrgreen:

Since I am also getting a hang of digital arts and the help of Eve Online's awesome character creator, I should be able to post concept art of characters or even ships' interior designs.

[Sparki]

Blawg input 12 Feb 2012

ToVJ Act III - Upcoming Part


~ Debriefing / Ballistics and Weapon lore
After an enlighting talk with Kaffekokarn, he told me about several interesting things related to the aspects of ballistics and stuff.

Following this, it looks like there are a few things that I must alter due to misconceptions. While this is indeed just a fanfiction and I can bend rules, I want to keep certain things consistant.

Now when it comes to rounds/cartridges (aka bullets) in the story I don't want it to be coming with bigger-and-bigger rounds. There should be no gold ammo that just kills easily, especially after the debriefing. There will have to be some serious researching too.

As for Hailynn's special issue pistol, 10mm is simply too big, especially for the aspects I had imagined. 10mm should only be the size for the special barrel and special ammo she fitted to counter the Vaygr intruders from Act 1.


I have yet to figure if I should give the debriefing a full chapter of its own, because the debriefing and other plots will be full of talking and I don't know if I should just let the story advance. Then again, this is still all during the "Fourth Day", so maybe I should just let this flow as it is.

But I dont want to keep the Flotilla at one spot for ages either.

~ Arc III's working title
I figured a title that would fit my taste. The working title would be something like "To a brave new Homeworld" or "The Sail to a brave new homeworld" -- it could go on, but something like that.

The topic is actually that obvious especially once I manage to get beyond Chapter 31 hehe.


~ Arc IV
I have not started the writing yet - but the loose ends of various brainstormed plot ideas are done actually. It was to be the actual true continuation and I should actually consider writing it simoultanously. The actual plot is going to feature more mysterious stuff than just straightfoward ship combat. Also, it will be more about the crew's development and decision to be lost "at a new homeworld".

Another Teaser;
Hesken argues how much the grown-ups like her brother try to dictate her life. To become more independent, especially in getting her own place at the base camp, she follows the blind idea of enlisting to the Amaji Operative field training corp. Unfortunately for Aira, she gets dragged along as well. Although Aira is an entity and was assumed to be an operative, she never participated in any real training. Neither did does she actually have a profession. While Aira is a sensory operative due to her enigmatic nature as an entity, she has truly lost this ability is nothing more than a young kadeshi lady.

I'll just end this little teaser with, "We were wrong. This is not a nebula..."


More to come, when I have the time.

[Sparki]

Blawg update Feb 14th 2011

TOVJ Arc III and Compendium Stuff
~ Debriefing / upcoming part

As I plan this further with all the yummy details, I wish to involve the compendium more as there will be a crapton of Too Much Information moments. I'm sure there are readers who don't want to be reading all the details and blathering on ballistic lore stuff, so I wish to tone that down - but without just amputating the ideas.
The physics behind gun stuff is pretty interesting and wikipedia was freaking helpful, not to mention the support on real life background info from Kaffekokarn (thanks dude ).

BUT - and a big one, I will still be developing my version of the physics sort of, so there is always room for that scifi-technobabble world of howthingswork; derived by reallife stuff, but altered into my little HW universe. After all, it is a fanon so why put barriers on oneself.

Following this thought and as I had rambled in the blogs above, I will be involving seperate things that should allow readers to read on without having huge spoiler tags disrupting the flow the story. That will be.

• Tovj compendium thread; Direct linking
  Like the table of contents linking, I will add clicky urls that lead to the Tovj Compendium thread and the respective forum post where I wrote things up. I don't like the idea of spamming the whole studio with frequently bumped threads so I will try to narrow this down to small topics. If Moe or a mod gets annoyed after all, I will consider posting on the wikia only. (in this case, I think seperate wikia pages are seriously recommended )
  
  
  In order to avoid spoiling, the fic will have direct links to seperate wikia articles rather than putting it all in one page.
  For instance; I had the military structure body regarding things like Hiigaran Marines > Amaji Marines > Security/Support Opertives not have details on the "Duty Operative" aspect.
  
  
  I updated the marine segment wikia, so let me give a quick reference:
  (focus on marine world stuff and moments of "Call to arms")
  Tier 4+ are Senior Marine detachments like the Hiigaran Marines. You can put here your US Marine/Soldier dude here in Tier 4. Tier 5 and above would be Special Forces, Nebuli Somtaaw Battle Suits and just about anything else regarding lethal force.
  Tier 4 marines are spread thin across the Kiith Amaj cluster.
  The Vjel-Amaj once had some 20, but were all KIA (though this may change...).
  
  Major Bahur (deceased), Hailynn Delixa(MIA), Pethera Sjet's mercenaries are great examples.
  
  
  Tier 3 is Amaji Marine team area. Amajis who are second to the Hiigaran marine forces. They know the ropes with weapons and discipline and are Hiigaran Marines' reliable support units. Of course in Arc II, the Hiigaran marine force of the VJ is no more.
  Corporal Aaron Salico, Cpt-Lt. Delophane Vamaii (and several of her Turanic entourage) are great examples for Tier 3.
  
  Tier 2 are basic (Amaji) Defense teams. Amaji Defense teams are junior marines that have yet to prove in an optional trial if they really can handle the stress to become a marine; else, they serve as basic security units and can only reach the rank of Marine Private. Example: Private Hilessa (and the other one whose name I forgot ^^° )
  In an ACT I example, the Vjel-Amaj does not have any actual Defense team as the T4 marine team was accomplished by the T3 Amaji marines and the huge pool of T1 Operatives; only having a few T2 inviduals onboard.
  
  Private Hilessa; the policemen/militia troopers of Act II+/ Individual operatives are examples for T2.
  
  Tier 1 are commonly Operatives (and the rest of the civilians); with Support Operatives being the usual ones to be the first to act as they also received basic security trainining. There are no "Security Operatives" by the way; as these are somewhat trained already for basic security tasks. An Operative, preferably a Support Operative, can adapt to the security role when guard duty, ordnance logistics, call-to-arms, etc is needed.
  However, T1s are not military units and they will suffer greatly in combat situations. (Act II, Support Operative Mitsuki Amaj)
  Amaji are pacifists. However, this does not mean that all are wimps or useless. Their will for serving and helping is genuine and as long as commanding unit is around, they will be efficient. (Act I, S-O Velle Xoti Amaj, supporting Hailynn with an Arsec MkII)
  
  
  Sooo - What is Duty Operative and where would that fit? (I will spoil that without too much bla)
  
  Duty Operative will be one of several new initiatives on the Tier 2 level that can virtually be equalized with Tier 3 marine aspects(!)
  The need for this is the defensive response to the lethal Nebuli Somtaaw Kiith. With the discovery of the Nebuli Somtaaw capability of force-intruding vessels with boarding parties, they prove to be a far violent and deadlier foe. Although the Vaygr/Turanics had boarded the Vjel-Amaj in ACT I in a similar fashion, the crew still stood its grounds... However, with such an enemy as the Nebuli Somtaaw, the Vaygr intruders are nothing compared to such.
  Also. The fact that the pacifist mass of operatives will not stand a chance is a serious concern that plagued Aaron and Orelis.
  
  
• Tovj Compendium Wikia Articles; full body texts; REPORTS
  Probably a better zone to post all these fanon technobabble ideas. However, the wikia text editor is still a bit of a mystery for me and I have a lot more control of my texts using the forum tags (and after years of using BBforum-format tags for fanfictions, it gets into your blood).
  
  Now the reason why I also bolded reports is because this is where we will read these reports from specific characters. It is also based on the style of HW:C's engineer report in the cutscenes:
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwlBOanSyVU
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQeRh5Cxc_Q
  
  This will also include 1st person/POV speeches; also in the inspirational style of X-Com/UFO:Enemy Unknown (and the wiki style of this example) [url=http://www.ufopaedia.org/index.php?title=Overviews_of_Aliens]Example of xcom aliens[/urls]
  
  Likewise, items, newly developed weapons, establishments, doctrines and such would be explained in 3rd person; and eventually with 1st person quotes.
  
  Like Dr. Gredan on "Nebuli Somtaaw Physiology", Dr, Ebria on "Weapon Research: xyz", Orelis on "Duty Operatives" etc.
  
  
• Tovj Wikipedia/outer forum linkage
  Direct linking to wikipedia articles and respective pics. To give an impression of how things could look like
  
• Tovj art spamsies to completement "how it looks" (WIP lol)
  One thing I really want to get into is arting a lot more with the digital tools. Many relicforum fans been using art tools to visualize their stuff. There is so much to do here!
  Yet, got to see how I get it all done. this will likely require a new thread.
  

Also, the wikia is intended to also give references on the inspirations of certain things. I assure everybody the whole fic is strictly original and creatively developed regarding the true bark of its existence. The inspirational stuff is usually nothing more than homage on my favorite things from series and other games (especially those that people don't like or didn't cherish).

For instance. The 5mm Arsec Mk II LMG is a homage item to the Marsec M4000; of course with Sparki's homemade homeworldy ketchup smeared on it. More on that in the actual upcoming article.


~ Focus on Life on Curse's Prologe/Chapter 1 Completion and Chapter 2 continuation
Before I get all deep into details with TOVJ ARC III, I wish to upload "LOC" which is long overdue.

~ Postponing other fanfic reading
I have to take a break on reading other people's fanfics until I get at least LOC and the desired wikia pages done. Hope this is okay with people ^^.

More ramble to come later heh

[kaffekokarn]

I'm super cereal. How is the next chapter(s) progressing?