Results 1 to 41 of 41

Battleship

  1. Child's Play Donor Technical Help Senior Member General Discussions Senior Member Homeworld Senior Member Forum Subscriber  #1
    Gimme your lunch Moeney! Moe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    #homeworld

    Battleship

    Battleship: The movie is based on Battleship:The Game. And by that I mean the century old "you sunk my battleship" board game. How the hell, you may ask, does one translate that into a game? Very simple:
    That's right, aliens. The basic premise is that we send out a signal to a nearby earth-like planet, and in doing so attract invading aliens. They land in the ocean next to a multinational naval exercise arena, and then shit gets blown up for like the next 90 minutes.

    If you're thinking "wow, that sounds stupid", you're absolutely right. If you've seen the trailer and you're thinking "that looks like transformers, but on the water", you're right, except you don't have to suffer through Sheia Lewhathefuckkindofnameisthisanyways' "acting".

    So how does this movie stack up?
    Dialogue: 3/10
    Storyline: 2/10
    Plotholes: oh god so many
    Logic: curled up in a fetal position begging for the beating to stop
    Acting: With the exception of Liam Neeson basically nonexistent
    Effects: Great.
    Overall verdict: Fucking awesome.

    Seriously. This movie is a SFX orgy. The communications pulse we send out to the alien planet? Even that is a motherfucking glowing beam of awesomeness that causes lens flares and space bubbling as it races through the sky. We get to see an Arleigh Burke class destroyer fire at an alien vessel with its gun, CIWS, .50 cals, torpedoes and VLS missiles at fucking point blank range. Everything is either smashed, torn apart, or exploded spectacularly, and there are several gratuitous shots of a WW2-era battleship firing its 40cm cannons at a massive alien mothership.

    The story is beyond stupid, there are some funny moments and one-liners but most of the dialogue is fairly clicheed, the aliens have the absolute worst invasion tactic ever devised by any living being, ever, and suck at basically everything, but the humans are infuriatingly dumb so it kind of evens out. Despite being supported by the US Navy, most of the military stuff in the movie makes no sense. The actors really aren't that good, but nobody cares because HOLY FUCK EXPLOSIONS and, weirdly, a really good mix between suspense and action. Unlike Transformers the action shots don't change every ten milliseconds, so you can actually follow the action and figure out who is shooting whom. Oh and in the beginning there's a great spoof of that viral youtube security cam video where the burglar keeps falling through the roof.

    So yeah. My recommendation is to get a ticket, sit down, disengage your brain for two hours and just watch shit getting blown up.

  2. Modding Senior Member Tabletop Senior Member Boardwars Senior Member Forum Subscriber  #2
    Retired Compliance Fairy Gorb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    In the past
    Also Liam Neeson.

    Right?
    I am an Iron Warrior! Iron Within, Iron Without!

  3. #3
    _ A _ _ _ _ LoCo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    New Zealand - South African by birth.
    I can't wait for the game to come out!
    It takes a lot of argument
    to convince most people
    that they are lying.

  4. #4
    I enjoyed the movie.
    Last edited by Trinity; 19th May 12 at 1:55 PM. Reason: ... and what Moe said.

  5. Child's Play Donor Technical Help Senior Member General Discussions Senior Member Homeworld Senior Member Forum Subscriber  #5
    Gimme your lunch Moeney! Moe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    #homeworld
    I can't wait for the game to come out!
    Heh I know you're just kidding, but one of the ads right before the movie was for a board game version of Battleship by Hasbro (naturally). It's got, like, electronic sounds and shit! It probably would have sold really well 20 years ago, but somehow Hasbro seems to have not been informed about these newfangled "video games" which have sounds AND graphics.

  6. #6

  7. Homeworld Senior Member  #7
    Tells a story Norsehound's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    LM-27
    I used to own electronic talking battleship. What fun!

    Now there's a game based on the movie about a game... which is a first-person shooter.

    Wonder what's next, Monopoly?

  8. Child's Play Donor Gamers Lounge Senior Member General Discussions Senior Member Homeworld Senior Member  #8
    Adios, amigos. Starblade's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    VA, USA
    My Interceptor is better than your Interceptor.

  9. #9
    Member RexOmniaLupus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Bellevue, WA
    So does the movie actually use anything from the board game other than having some ships? From the previews I don't see why this needed to be made using the Battleship branding.

  10. #10
    Member Derivative's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Superposition of your place and mine
    I was very much intending to not see this movie, but... this review is swaying my stance.

  11. Homeworld Senior Member  #11
    Your night worstmare. Dimension's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    On the mind of a woman near you
    Nope, still not swayed.

    <3

  12. General Discussions Senior Member  #12
    Senior Member roflmao's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Veracruz, Mexico.
    I was pleasantly unsurprised at how badly good this was.

    Edit:
    @Moe: By the way. The Battleship edition I have has alien (as well as normal) ships and their design is quite similar to the ones in the movie.

  13. Forum Subscriber  #13
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Ennis, Ireland
    I've always had time for Liam Neeson since he liberated Ireland from the evil English so I'll give it a watch if it's still in cinemas near me and I can convince my friends to waste money on it too.

  14. #14
    Member Richter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Aussieland
    o does the movie actually use anything from the board game other than having some ships?
    Well.... You know when you play Battleship and you go "E4" to fire at the enemy. Well that sort of pretty much happens. I laughed my ass off when it started happening too.

    I also thought the aliens were sorta realistic-ish. But they still can't beat a disabled black guy.
    There we were, ready to charge the loyalist scum, and then suddenly we were under fire from our west flank. Batshit mental. We turn to return fire, and somehow they sneaked a bunker in, right next to us! We didn't have any meltas so we got the hell out of there. CREEEEED!

  15. Modding Senior Member Dawn of War Senior Member  #15
    Father of Death Croaxleigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    A forgettable little corner of southwestern Kentucky
    I find myself shocked and amazed at the reviews I've been hearing for Battleship. Most of what I've heard is along the lines of "It's pretty cheezy but it's a lot of fun, I'd recommend it." I'd honestly expected it to be just horrible, but now I find myself tempted.
    I has a Blurb. And one of those Tweeter things.
    Quote Originally Posted by roflmao
    I'd run with a shotgun to go hijack a private airplane and fly to Belgium. Nothing interesting ever happens in Belgium, so there's definitely no zombie apocalypse there.

  16. #16
    Not even the tiniest, most infinitesimally small bit interested in this. I saw the previews and immediately said, "So Michael Bay finally decided to give up the pretense and eschew plot entirely?"

    Of course, it turns out it's not a Michael Bay film, but from the looks of it, the makers think he's the greatest filmmaker of our day, when he's one of the worst, barring utter shitspewers like Uwe Boll. Hated Transformers (Damn brother made me watch it), and that actually sort of almost pretended to have a plot, so yeah... Not likely to like this. At all.

    I guess I'm just not a special FX guy. I thought Avatar was bad, and that actually had a plot. A stolen, tired, cliched plot, but at least it had one.
    "Fear nothing except in the certainty that you are your enemy's begetter and its only hope of healing. For everything that does evil is in pain."
    -The Maestro Sartori, Imajica by Clive Barker

  17. Child's Play Donor  #17
    The movie is awesome if you enjoy a thrill ride without much story to it.

    But I nearly lost my mind when they made a handbrake turn with the ship using the anchor, all manners of realism and physics went out the window when the ship was 'skidding' sideways through the water. It looked awesome in everyway possible, but it was just so wrong.
    The Dark one has Arrived.

  18. #18
    Member OhJohnNo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    magic
    I heard nobody even says The Line. You know the one.
    Let's sail in this sea of charms
    Let's drown underneath the stars

  19. #19
    I'm Mr. Cellophane Agdune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Tasmania, Australia
    I fell asleep halfway through Transformers: dark side of the moon. I think it was right about the point that the explosions were happening again. There may or may not have been US army personel in a helicopter rushing to an objective near some of the aforementioned explosions, with a chase scene intercut with the rest of the sequence. Just thought I'd let you guys know so you'll be aware of exactly which point of the movie I fell asleep. Hopefully none of you accidently give out spoilers! ;p

    I have real difficulty watching pure SFX movies. It's just... bleh. I kinda have to care about the story to feel any excitement from action sequences. Or at least feel like the things blowing up will sortof affect the outcome; who cares about ship/character #1543662 blowing up when it's just going to be replaced by ship/character #1543663? Might as well not have had it blow up to begin with, for all it mattered to the storytelling. Or hell, just having some idea that it's a signifigant thing that just happened, rather than something materialising out of nowhere to blow up and fade back out of existence. For example; ships in ME3 blowing up in cutscenes means alot more when it's been hammered home that there aren't enough surviving ships for any to be expendable and any lost are effectively irreplacable. Doesn't actually matter, in storytelling terms, as the outcome doesn't hinge on any ship that isn't called "Normandy", but it at least gets the point across that the thing blowing up just then was something we didn't want blowing up. So we sorta care a little bit at the deaths of the NPCs we'd never heard of before and will never hear about again, because they at least could be imagined as being useful to any eventual outcome from the battle/s.
    Dammit, not again!

  20. General Discussions Senior Member The Studio Senior Member  #20
    I haz nori, u want? Nurizeko's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Scotland
    Quote Originally Posted by Moe
    That's right, aliens. The basic premise is that we send out a signal to a nearby earth-like planet, and in doing so attract invading aliens. They land in the ocean next to a multinational naval exercise arena, and then shit gets blown up for like the next 90 minutes.
    In my opinion not enough shit was blown up.

    The vast majority of the international naval exercise was not involved in the blowing up of le merde.


    It needed more aliens, or better yet, some force disparity, as in it would have taken the entire naval task force to wtf teh aliens, I mean the action that did happen was good, and the last action scene was nice and all that, but you know...just not enough shit was consigned to the seabed, ya know?

    All those ships sitting outside the area just picking their noses....all that Hawaii un-devistated.

    Was it an alien invasion or just a British package holiday gone drunk and rowdy? An easy mistake to make...I've seen a coach-load of Brummies do more damage than that to be fair.

    Still I liked the movie.


    Quote Originally Posted by Richter
    I also thought the aliens were sorta realistic-ish.
    My thought train in the alien footsoldier scenes: "Halo brutes in spartan armour, halo brutes in spartan armour, halo brutes in spartan armour..."

  21. #21
    Heh I know you're just kidding, but one of the ads right before the movie was for a board game version of Battleship by Hasbro (naturally). It's got, like, electronic sounds and shit! It probably would have sold really well 20 years ago, but somehow Hasbro seems to have not been informed about these newfangled "video games" which have sounds AND graphics.
    Well, they actually have heard about video games.

  22. #22
    Member Guilliman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Belgium
    I'd just watch it to hear Liam's soothing voice..


    Btw, I read somewhere the alien force is merely a scout force, perhaps that was on these forums. I can't remember.

  23. Technical Help Senior Member Modding Senior Member Homeworld Senior Member  #23
    www.relicnews.com ÜberJumper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 1999
    Location
    South Surrey, BC Canada
    This movie was awful, I do not recommend seeing it.

  24. Child's Play Donor Technical Help Senior Member General Discussions Senior Member Homeworld Senior Member Forum Subscriber  #24
    Gimme your lunch Moeney! Moe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    #homeworld
    Hated Transformers (Damn brother made me watch it), and that actually sort of almost pretended to have a plot, so yeah... Not likely to like this. At all.
    FYI: I hated transformers. Battleship I liked. I think they knew going in that it was horribly cheesy, and they accepted that and rolled with it as they made the movie. You'll also note that the aliens are actually not the stereotypical bad guys - they are almost like the UN in that they only fire when fired upon. Strictly speaking in this movie we started shooting first, they just brought bigger guns. There's also the odd choice of "Fortunate Son" as the ending credits musical score, which may imply that the director was acutely aware of what he was producing.

    I heard nobody even says The Line. You know the one.
    That's correct, but it is hinted at. When they're on the battleship, someone says "no way they're sinking this ship!".

    Btw, I read somewhere the alien force is merely a scout force, perhaps that was on these forums. I can't remember.
    Yes.

    Spoiler


  25. Child's Play Donor Gamers Lounge Senior Member General Discussions Senior Member Homeworld Senior Member  #25
    Adios, amigos. Starblade's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    VA, USA
    I heard nobody even says The Line. You know the one.
    The one thing that would get me to see this movie is hearing Liam Neeson shout that line at an alien.

  26. #26
    I think Transformers had the problem that they really didn't know what film they were making. It was trying to be an action film, a CGI show off, a teen/uni love/romance and also trying to build all that on a transformers base. It somewhat tried to be too many things poorly and failed on pretty much all of them.

    Sounds like Battleship is just a straight up honest action and explosions film - and since its not got its background story/history/concept based upon any pre-existing story or characters I think I could probably end up enjoying it even with plot holes and cheesy dialogue (so long as the holes are not too big).

    I don't mind mindless action films = I just hate it when they try to be something they are not, normally because the whole thing just becomes painful to watch.

  27. #27
    Research Engineer ohaunlaim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Where my mind wanders
    Loved the pegs as weapons. Loved the firing at grid points scene. So much cheese in this movie finely roasted with massive explosions.
    -"One research ship above the rest."

  28. #28
    Member Deunan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    #boardwars
    For me two things would have made the movie awesome.

    a) The aliens not being lawful stupid. I still don't actually know if the aliens were challenging those 3 desties to a friendly duel or not. It looked like a game but wasn't?

    b) The battleship scene was by far far too short. If it was anything like galactica I would have loved it. But sadly the movie just ended up as being Bomb porn.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nurizeko

    My thought train in the alien footsoldier scenes: "Halo brutes in spartan armour, halo brutes in spartan armour, halo brutes in spartan armour..."
    To me they looked like doom marines after quake strogging

    Even quake marines remind me of them.



    Overall I'd say the ID design aproach is really visible on them.
    Last edited by Deunan; 21st May 12 at 11:27 AM.

  29. #29
    needed more of this....






  30. #30
    I don't mind mindless action films = I just hate it when they try to be something they are not, normally because the whole thing just becomes painful to watch.
    The only kind of mindless action movies I can stomach are the kind where 80% of the movie is kung fu battles. And even then I'm sort of picky.

  31. #31
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    On England’s pleasant pastures seen
    I can heartily recommend The Raid. Oh my god.


  32. Gamers Lounge Senior Member General Discussions Senior Member  #32
    Doltformer Kirjava's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    The Habsburg Empire
    Mmmm, looks delicious. An Indonesian outstandingly violent action film directed by a Welshman! Who'd've thunk it?
    Doltmarines, for the Emprah: the place to play Dawn of War: Soulstorm
    "The ecosystem! We destroy that and this is ovah! CHAAAARGE!" - Lomax
    Blood and Balls: the Relicnews Doltathon Blood Bowl Blog (awaiting renovation)
    "I'd probably lose my shit if I saw a mushroom with a mouth, eyes, and legs walking toward me in real life. That doesn't make me afraid to play Mario." - Starblade

  33. #33
    I'm Mr. Cellophane Agdune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    Tasmania, Australia
    Huh, never noticed that before. I do like how the Iowa looks like it's skidding to the right (left? Port!) a bit during that broadside in the bottom picture. It probably is.

  34. #34
    Member Deunan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    #boardwars
    It was their masterful tactical acumen (yeah it's skidding, was actually something that intentionally happened in the movie)


    Also I hope everyone knows about

  35. #35
    BEEEEEEEEEEEEAM! Someguy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Irvine, CA
    MARIO VAN PEEBLES AND CARL WEATHERS

  36. #36
    Member PetarB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Sydney, Australia
    I'm on the fence about this one. Some parts were fun. But the aliens with their masks off looked absolutely bloody stupid.

  37. #37
    OMFG, that has to be one of the best action movie trailer's to date, fast past is an understatement. Thanks Mr. Carrot for sharing this one, three movies to add to my list

  38. Dawn of War II Senior Member  #38
    My Knob has 0HP! Vintage's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    In the midst of my foes.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Carrot
    I can heartily recommend The Raid. Oh my god.
    Sorry to continue this off-topic discussion, but I saw The Raid in theaters and I loved it. If you like that trailer you will like the movie. The movie delivers exactly what you see in that trailer.
    The true mind can weather all the lies and illusions without being lost. The true heart can touch the poison of hatred without being harmed. Since beginning-less time, darkness thrives in the void but always yields to purifying light.

  39. #39
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Germany - In "Yurop"!
    Thanks for the review, Moe.

    I for one didn't even know it was based on the actual board game. Though I must say that the title's font did spark faint memories, but that is probably crap.

    Again, I for one doesn't need to always have some movie have character arcs with character development etc etc, hell I even like trashy movies like the good ol' B-movie "Airboss" with Frank Zagarino, or other movies that feature good ol' Michael Dudikoff :>.

    However, I can only come with this bit of meaningless posting as I must wait until the movie is out on DVD rental.
    Going to every movie here in Germany nowadays will rape your wallet empty in no-time and I refrain from just hitting the streaming sites.


    Mmh, I will check out The Raid too .

    Wonder what's next, Monopoly?
    Lol, just look at CNN.
    Or let us just look outside the window ;D can see the movie happening just now.
    BF Bad Company 2 - Name: Groovechamp

    Homeworld Fanfiction in progress:
    Tales of the Vjel-Amaj - feat. a unique Kiith
    Act I; Act II; Act III
    Discussion Thread/ Forum Blog

  40. Child's Play Donor Technical Help Senior Member General Discussions Senior Member Homeworld Senior Member Forum Subscriber  #40
    Gimme your lunch Moeney! Moe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    #homeworld
    However, I can only come with this bit of meaningless posting as I must wait until the movie is out on DVD rental.
    I try to see movies in theaters that I feel need the big screen. Take Transformers and Get Him To The Greek for example. I saw the first Transformers movies on the big screen, and it was entertaining. Saw the second one on a plane, and oh my god it's awful. Rewatched the first one on a laptop, and again, meh. However, Get Him To The Greek was fine on an ipad, because it doesn't feature massive explosions and CGI. So... I went to see battleship on a huge screen because you almost need it for the movie to be enjoyable.

  41. General Discussions Senior Member  #41
    Senior Member roflmao's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Veracruz, Mexico.
    So I did enjoy this movie, but in comparison MiB3 is vastly better. So if anyone is planning on seeing this still, go see MiB instead.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

     

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •